I received the first box of diapers today!!!! Keep 'em coming ya'll!!!!!!!!!!! I have a goal of 1000 diapers (total, not packages) and I am praying we can bless the socks off of our agency with even MORE than that!!
I need your help to do that!!!!
Email me if you need my address or I'd be happy to come pick them up if I know you IRL!
Sharing the life experience of becoming foster parents to the least of these!
Friday, March 21, 2014
New Normal
It's been 1 week and 2 days since our sweet Choo Choo left. From Wed-Sunday of the first week I wasn't myself. It was hard to think of anything except him. My mom, sister and her two kids had been here from Mon-Fri and it was Sat. night that it all hit me. Everyone else went to bed and I was up, bawling and looking at his sweet face through the tons of pictures we had taken the past 3 years. It was very cathartic and healing to be able to just let it all out. Sunday evening another wave hit as I realized that I didn't get to go pick my baby up :(
Monday morning my spirits were lifted as a phone call came...it was Choo Choo!!!! He didn't have a lot to say, but when I talked to Uncle he commented that just minutes before I texted (to see how he was doing because it was killing me) he said that Choo Choo asked several times for Uncle to take him to my house now. This week was his first full week at daycare....what an adjustment this little boy has had to make!
Monday we started our new normal! It was back to homeschooling, exercising and eating right! Boy that long transition and crazy schedule for over 2 months was not good for any of those things listed above! It feels good to get back into a regular routine.
Tues we got a call from placement saying that they knew we were on a break, but were wondering if we could take a 1 yr old. At that point we weren't even a week out from saying goodbye to someone of 3 years. We just weren't ready yet, so we said no :( Even though Choo Choo's goodbye is still fresh it wasn't easy to tell her no.
Wed (this week) I was out on a boat ride with the other boys when I got a text from Aunt. It had two pictures of Choo Choo! Unless you have experienced this type of loss, I don't think you can truly understand what that means to a mommy/daddy! It brings so much peace knowing he is happy!
We are definitely on the road to healing, but I am looking back over the past week+ and now that I have been through it, I want to do more for families with children coming and going. Our neighbor brought us a meal which was just what a needed Sun night and my sister sent me a huge thing of chocolates which are delicious, and we received one card. Lots of FB messages have been nice to receive. I'm not sure if people just don't know what to say, are afraid I'll break into a crying mess, or just don't care???? If you are thinking/praying for someone....let them know. Make it personal! Call them on the phone and speak to them. Personally, the very first week I didn't want to cook at all. Give families a gift card for eating out or bring them a meal. Invite them out for coffee to chat. Offer to watch their kids for free so they can have a date night. Ya'll...if you can't foster, then support those who are. It's a hard road and we battle places of brokenness and sadness that most will never be able to imagine. Don't wait for someone else to fill a need for an adoptive/foster family....be the hands and feet of Jesus and DO IT! Ok...I'll get off my soapbox....I guess expectations (which I shouldn't carry...I know!) failed me. Thank God for his peace and presence here during this time!
I am really surprised (but I shouldn't be) how much God's grace has just covered us this whole time. Hubby and I are doing very well considering and the kids have been doing pretty well too. They talk about him and we look at pictures and reminisce about memories. There hasn't been the bad behavior/tantrums that I expected so that is amazing. Today was a really rough day however and I'm not quite sure I have an answer for that....it could be Choo Choo's leaving or something totally unrelated. They all were sensory messes, so I had them doing lots of sensory activities. The OT said that emotions and emotional situations can heighten the sensory system, so deep breathes and one day at a time :)
This morning Uncle texted me for information which is all in his yellow folder (which gets sent with a child from placement to placement with all their pertinent info). I told him it was all in there and he said he'd have Choo Choo call me after school today. Will it happen? I don't know and I can't hang my hat and depend on anything he says, but it's awesome knowing that there will be continued contact between our families and Choo Choo is doing well :)
Monday morning my spirits were lifted as a phone call came...it was Choo Choo!!!! He didn't have a lot to say, but when I talked to Uncle he commented that just minutes before I texted (to see how he was doing because it was killing me) he said that Choo Choo asked several times for Uncle to take him to my house now. This week was his first full week at daycare....what an adjustment this little boy has had to make!
Monday we started our new normal! It was back to homeschooling, exercising and eating right! Boy that long transition and crazy schedule for over 2 months was not good for any of those things listed above! It feels good to get back into a regular routine.
Tues we got a call from placement saying that they knew we were on a break, but were wondering if we could take a 1 yr old. At that point we weren't even a week out from saying goodbye to someone of 3 years. We just weren't ready yet, so we said no :( Even though Choo Choo's goodbye is still fresh it wasn't easy to tell her no.
Wed (this week) I was out on a boat ride with the other boys when I got a text from Aunt. It had two pictures of Choo Choo! Unless you have experienced this type of loss, I don't think you can truly understand what that means to a mommy/daddy! It brings so much peace knowing he is happy!
We are definitely on the road to healing, but I am looking back over the past week+ and now that I have been through it, I want to do more for families with children coming and going. Our neighbor brought us a meal which was just what a needed Sun night and my sister sent me a huge thing of chocolates which are delicious, and we received one card. Lots of FB messages have been nice to receive. I'm not sure if people just don't know what to say, are afraid I'll break into a crying mess, or just don't care???? If you are thinking/praying for someone....let them know. Make it personal! Call them on the phone and speak to them. Personally, the very first week I didn't want to cook at all. Give families a gift card for eating out or bring them a meal. Invite them out for coffee to chat. Offer to watch their kids for free so they can have a date night. Ya'll...if you can't foster, then support those who are. It's a hard road and we battle places of brokenness and sadness that most will never be able to imagine. Don't wait for someone else to fill a need for an adoptive/foster family....be the hands and feet of Jesus and DO IT! Ok...I'll get off my soapbox....I guess expectations (which I shouldn't carry...I know!) failed me. Thank God for his peace and presence here during this time!
I am really surprised (but I shouldn't be) how much God's grace has just covered us this whole time. Hubby and I are doing very well considering and the kids have been doing pretty well too. They talk about him and we look at pictures and reminisce about memories. There hasn't been the bad behavior/tantrums that I expected so that is amazing. Today was a really rough day however and I'm not quite sure I have an answer for that....it could be Choo Choo's leaving or something totally unrelated. They all were sensory messes, so I had them doing lots of sensory activities. The OT said that emotions and emotional situations can heighten the sensory system, so deep breathes and one day at a time :)
This morning Uncle texted me for information which is all in his yellow folder (which gets sent with a child from placement to placement with all their pertinent info). I told him it was all in there and he said he'd have Choo Choo call me after school today. Will it happen? I don't know and I can't hang my hat and depend on anything he says, but it's awesome knowing that there will be continued contact between our families and Choo Choo is doing well :)
Friday, March 14, 2014
Our final goodbye
This past week has been very hard for our family. As we entered this week we believed we'd officially transition Choo Choo from our home to Aunt/Uncle's on Wednesday and then have a "final goodbye" picnic/party with them and some other family members on Saturday.
Monday evening my mom, sister and her kids arrived for a visit with us and to say goodbye to Choo Choo one more time. They live nearly 1400 miles away, so this was a special visit. We spent lots of time together Tues/Wed. Wednesday morning I started to prep Choo Choo for our final goodbye and that this time he wouldn't be coming back. He *knew* but just didn't want to believe it. He had a major meltdown that morning and I just took him my room (hubby was already in there) and as Choo Choo screamed I just held and rocked him and told him it all was going to be ok. Tears started to flow down my cheeks...I just couldn't hold it back anymore. Hubby came to hug us both and Choo Choo calmed down a bit. He went back and forth between us. He'd hug and cuddle one and then go to the other. He did this for quite awhile and we all just grieved together.
We spent the rest of the day, until drop off, at the Aquarium having some more fun together and creating those last memories. It came time to leave and Choo Choo kept saying he wanted a snack. I told him I didn't have any and he kept asking "can we go home?" Ahhhh.....that was one hard car ride to meet his Uncle. He ended up falling asleep 10 min. before we got there :( Those naps are not good under normal circumstances! lol!
We pulled into the parking lot and everyone got out of the car to say their goodbyes. Lots of hugs and kisses. Choo Choo was so confused and kept walking back and forth from our family to Uncles trying to comprehend what was happening to him. This broke my heart. He was just so sad :(
We finally ended our time together with promises to see him on Saturday with presents and treats.
Thursday evening I got a text from Uncle cancelling the party (with no reason) and saying maybe we can get together for an egg hunt next month. Clearly, Uncle did not realize what this meant to us and that it wasn't just a nice get together. This meant closure for Choo Choo and closure for our family (our kids!) We've been talking about this for awhile now and everyone was looking so forward to it.
It's been 3 years of this type of behavior. He says all the right things and makes promises to do things with absolutely no follow through. I SO wanted to believe that after transition things would change. They haven't. He promised Choo Choo they would call before bed on Wed night...they didn't (not the first time). He promised the party...not happening. He has talked about get-togethers and overnight visits. Emotionally I just have to set it all aside and I can't keep hoping for things to happen. I have to trust that God's got this and I (we) have to start healing from this tremendous loss in our lives. When/If God has a plan for us to be in his life (in whatever way) then He will make that happen.
How are we doing? It hurts...it hurts really bad :( I already miss him so much. With time and God's grace I know things will get better though. I pray that God gives me an opportunity to give him his lifebook and gifts that I had not sent because I wanted to give them to him at the party. We need that closure and it will mean so much more coming from us rather sending them in the mail. Although, if mail is the only option then at least he would have them.
My visiting family left today....I am feeling super emotional and not at all like cooking, so take out it is! Praying for a better day tomorrow!
Monday evening my mom, sister and her kids arrived for a visit with us and to say goodbye to Choo Choo one more time. They live nearly 1400 miles away, so this was a special visit. We spent lots of time together Tues/Wed. Wednesday morning I started to prep Choo Choo for our final goodbye and that this time he wouldn't be coming back. He *knew* but just didn't want to believe it. He had a major meltdown that morning and I just took him my room (hubby was already in there) and as Choo Choo screamed I just held and rocked him and told him it all was going to be ok. Tears started to flow down my cheeks...I just couldn't hold it back anymore. Hubby came to hug us both and Choo Choo calmed down a bit. He went back and forth between us. He'd hug and cuddle one and then go to the other. He did this for quite awhile and we all just grieved together.
We spent the rest of the day, until drop off, at the Aquarium having some more fun together and creating those last memories. It came time to leave and Choo Choo kept saying he wanted a snack. I told him I didn't have any and he kept asking "can we go home?" Ahhhh.....that was one hard car ride to meet his Uncle. He ended up falling asleep 10 min. before we got there :( Those naps are not good under normal circumstances! lol!
We pulled into the parking lot and everyone got out of the car to say their goodbyes. Lots of hugs and kisses. Choo Choo was so confused and kept walking back and forth from our family to Uncles trying to comprehend what was happening to him. This broke my heart. He was just so sad :(
We finally ended our time together with promises to see him on Saturday with presents and treats.
Thursday evening I got a text from Uncle cancelling the party (with no reason) and saying maybe we can get together for an egg hunt next month. Clearly, Uncle did not realize what this meant to us and that it wasn't just a nice get together. This meant closure for Choo Choo and closure for our family (our kids!) We've been talking about this for awhile now and everyone was looking so forward to it.
It's been 3 years of this type of behavior. He says all the right things and makes promises to do things with absolutely no follow through. I SO wanted to believe that after transition things would change. They haven't. He promised Choo Choo they would call before bed on Wed night...they didn't (not the first time). He promised the party...not happening. He has talked about get-togethers and overnight visits. Emotionally I just have to set it all aside and I can't keep hoping for things to happen. I have to trust that God's got this and I (we) have to start healing from this tremendous loss in our lives. When/If God has a plan for us to be in his life (in whatever way) then He will make that happen.
How are we doing? It hurts...it hurts really bad :( I already miss him so much. With time and God's grace I know things will get better though. I pray that God gives me an opportunity to give him his lifebook and gifts that I had not sent because I wanted to give them to him at the party. We need that closure and it will mean so much more coming from us rather sending them in the mail. Although, if mail is the only option then at least he would have them.
My visiting family left today....I am feeling super emotional and not at all like cooking, so take out it is! Praying for a better day tomorrow!
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Happy Birthday to Me!
Well...not yet! In April I will be having a birthday and I recently saw on another foster momma's blog a great way to celebrate! So thank you Catie (if you read this!) for the idea and I pray that our agency is as blessed as yours was! I'm sending this out early to give ya'll plenty of time! :)
In case you are not familiar with www.thishighcalling.blogspot.com she decided to ask friends/family/blog readers/anyone (!) to donate items in honor of her birthday. Each year she has done something different to bless her agency and foster families as they all step out and reunite families and care for children.
I have decided that I would like to walk in her footsteps and reach out to you all to celebrate my birthday in a similar manner! The Children's Home Society is our agency and we have been so blessed by them over and over in our 4+ years as being foster parents. We have grown to be good friends with our social workers and feel they do a superior job at taking care of us as foster parents, but especially caring for the children!
I would LOVE to bless their socks off with donations of diapers (we'll start there this year :) ) I'd love to flood their office with so many different size diapers to bless the foster families and children with. Size newborn-6 and pull ups too!! If you want to add wipes or any other goodies that's great too!! I know many of you are excellent couponers and can snag these at great prices!!
If you know me IRL feel free to call me and I will pick them up or you can drop them off here. If you are out of town mail them to me or if you would like to just make a straight donation to CHS I can provide you with that address too! Email me at fostermommam@gmail.com for any info you need and I look forward to blessing others this year (and not focusing on my age-lol!)
Don't worry, I'll send a few reminders along the way :-)
In case you are not familiar with www.thishighcalling.blogspot.com she decided to ask friends/family/blog readers/anyone (!) to donate items in honor of her birthday. Each year she has done something different to bless her agency and foster families as they all step out and reunite families and care for children.
I have decided that I would like to walk in her footsteps and reach out to you all to celebrate my birthday in a similar manner! The Children's Home Society is our agency and we have been so blessed by them over and over in our 4+ years as being foster parents. We have grown to be good friends with our social workers and feel they do a superior job at taking care of us as foster parents, but especially caring for the children!
I would LOVE to bless their socks off with donations of diapers (we'll start there this year :) ) I'd love to flood their office with so many different size diapers to bless the foster families and children with. Size newborn-6 and pull ups too!! If you want to add wipes or any other goodies that's great too!! I know many of you are excellent couponers and can snag these at great prices!!
If you know me IRL feel free to call me and I will pick them up or you can drop them off here. If you are out of town mail them to me or if you would like to just make a straight donation to CHS I can provide you with that address too! Email me at fostermommam@gmail.com for any info you need and I look forward to blessing others this year (and not focusing on my age-lol!)
Don't worry, I'll send a few reminders along the way :-)
Monday, February 17, 2014
Respite
Last Thursday evening we accepted a respite placement of a 7 month old little boy I'll simply call "C." He was soooo cute but very high maintenance! The kid was over 20lbs easily and just wanted to be held. His FM told me that he needs to be rocked to sleep, held when eating (table food), etc. She is a single FM (my hat goes off to all of you who do this alone!) and he is the only child in her home. Yeah...you can imagine him coming to MY house! We do not do quiet very well here! lol! He was a bit overwhelmed at first, but overall adjusted pretty quickly.
Having him here was weird. Everything I did for him I would daydream a bit back to when I did that for Choo Choo. Making/feeding him bottles, rocking him, laying him down, playing with particular toys and so on.
Yesterday I served in the infant room at church and there was a sweet young 20-something in there. Her comment to be was "babies and I don't get along!" I thought "why are you serving in here then?" lol! I told her she may change her mind in time and she said "I doubt it!!!" After a bit I put "C" near her to see what she would do. He immediately tried to pull himself into her lap. She accepted him and the rest was beautiful! She sang with him, played with him, and by the end was telling me what an amazing thing we were doing for him. She said that her family had adopted a boy from foster care on his 14th b-day :) While we were cleaning the toys after all the parents came she said "can I show him to my mom? She's in another room." I told her "sure, why not?" I walked with her over there and she said to her mom that "when she grows up" she wants to adopt! :) Several other women, some of whom I don't even know, were so excited to gush over a baby and one even said "I heard through the grapevine you had another one!" Really? I don't know you, but that's great!
I was really tired yesterday (he didn't sleep well) and I'm getting a bit of a cold, plus I had a horrible headache. I feel bad for the woman who said "I could never foster because I'd get too attached and couldn't let go!" Ok...we foster parents hear this (bad) excuse ALL the time and perhaps I was a bit short with her, but let's just chalk that up to not feeling well and "things we don't say to foster parents." lol! No really, I wasn't mean, but I did give her my spiel :)
It's really interesting processing grief. This is our first "long-term" goodbye and the sadness pops up at the craziest times. A wise and sweet social worker (you know who you are!) told us not long ago to "feel everything." If we stuff these feelings (no matter which ones they are) we cannot heal and move on to continue to fulfill our calling. Yesterday afternoon as I pulled in the driveway after picking up Choo Choo he realized my husband's car was not there. He immediately burst into tears and said "Mommy I'm sad!!" :( I got him out of his car seat and we just had a good cry together in the back seat of the minivan! He was trying to hold all that in, but Daddy not being home when he got there was just the last straw! :( That won't happen again!
On Sat. I talked to him on the phone and he didn't have much to say other than "I don't know" when I asked him questions. The only thing he asked me was "do I get to come to your house today?" He didn't cry at all. I think it's starting to sink in. He didn't call it home :( Everyone is trying their best to prepare him. I sent a picture book with him and some of his personal toys to keep over there. I think gradually moving his things will help him as well. I sent a church CD that his favorite Miss Leah gave to him and his uncle said he blasted it in the car and in the house and wanted to listen to it over and over.
He has been a bit different coming back this time. He's not so aggressive...more loving and just wants to be by us. There has been some tussles with Michael though. All Michael does when Choo Choo leaves is ask when he's coming back, but when he's here all they do is fight. I'm just not sure if it's his way of processing, or if Michael is pushing him away to start to separate the emotions. I can't get in that 4 yr old's head, so we just keep on giving lots of love and reassurances. Michael really enjoyed having the baby here this weekend though and gave him lots of hugs and kisses.
Hubby and I had discussed having a "party" for Choo Choo as our final goodbye rather than a "cold" parking lot transfer. I approached Uncle about it and he thought it was a great idea. We are going to meet at a park 1/2 way between our houses and Choo Choo's two families will have a bbq, have some cake and play together. A celebration of his first family (ok...so we really are his second, but we are the only ones he ever really knew) and his forever family! Uncle/Aunt say they want us to remain in his life, so we are praying we will have continued contact with him and get to continue to watch this amazing little person grow and develop!
Having him here was weird. Everything I did for him I would daydream a bit back to when I did that for Choo Choo. Making/feeding him bottles, rocking him, laying him down, playing with particular toys and so on.
Yesterday I served in the infant room at church and there was a sweet young 20-something in there. Her comment to be was "babies and I don't get along!" I thought "why are you serving in here then?" lol! I told her she may change her mind in time and she said "I doubt it!!!" After a bit I put "C" near her to see what she would do. He immediately tried to pull himself into her lap. She accepted him and the rest was beautiful! She sang with him, played with him, and by the end was telling me what an amazing thing we were doing for him. She said that her family had adopted a boy from foster care on his 14th b-day :) While we were cleaning the toys after all the parents came she said "can I show him to my mom? She's in another room." I told her "sure, why not?" I walked with her over there and she said to her mom that "when she grows up" she wants to adopt! :) Several other women, some of whom I don't even know, were so excited to gush over a baby and one even said "I heard through the grapevine you had another one!" Really? I don't know you, but that's great!
I was really tired yesterday (he didn't sleep well) and I'm getting a bit of a cold, plus I had a horrible headache. I feel bad for the woman who said "I could never foster because I'd get too attached and couldn't let go!" Ok...we foster parents hear this (bad) excuse ALL the time and perhaps I was a bit short with her, but let's just chalk that up to not feeling well and "things we don't say to foster parents." lol! No really, I wasn't mean, but I did give her my spiel :)
It's really interesting processing grief. This is our first "long-term" goodbye and the sadness pops up at the craziest times. A wise and sweet social worker (you know who you are!) told us not long ago to "feel everything." If we stuff these feelings (no matter which ones they are) we cannot heal and move on to continue to fulfill our calling. Yesterday afternoon as I pulled in the driveway after picking up Choo Choo he realized my husband's car was not there. He immediately burst into tears and said "Mommy I'm sad!!" :( I got him out of his car seat and we just had a good cry together in the back seat of the minivan! He was trying to hold all that in, but Daddy not being home when he got there was just the last straw! :( That won't happen again!
On Sat. I talked to him on the phone and he didn't have much to say other than "I don't know" when I asked him questions. The only thing he asked me was "do I get to come to your house today?" He didn't cry at all. I think it's starting to sink in. He didn't call it home :( Everyone is trying their best to prepare him. I sent a picture book with him and some of his personal toys to keep over there. I think gradually moving his things will help him as well. I sent a church CD that his favorite Miss Leah gave to him and his uncle said he blasted it in the car and in the house and wanted to listen to it over and over.
He has been a bit different coming back this time. He's not so aggressive...more loving and just wants to be by us. There has been some tussles with Michael though. All Michael does when Choo Choo leaves is ask when he's coming back, but when he's here all they do is fight. I'm just not sure if it's his way of processing, or if Michael is pushing him away to start to separate the emotions. I can't get in that 4 yr old's head, so we just keep on giving lots of love and reassurances. Michael really enjoyed having the baby here this weekend though and gave him lots of hugs and kisses.
Hubby and I had discussed having a "party" for Choo Choo as our final goodbye rather than a "cold" parking lot transfer. I approached Uncle about it and he thought it was a great idea. We are going to meet at a park 1/2 way between our houses and Choo Choo's two families will have a bbq, have some cake and play together. A celebration of his first family (ok...so we really are his second, but we are the only ones he ever really knew) and his forever family! Uncle/Aunt say they want us to remain in his life, so we are praying we will have continued contact with him and get to continue to watch this amazing little person grow and develop!
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Happy Gotcha Day Choo Choo!!!!
I am honored today and keep thanking God for entrusting this precious boy to us for 3 entire years. We feel so privileged to be a part of Choo Choo's story. We pray we will make an appearance in another chapter along the way if it is God's will. There will be a glorious unfolding in his story and I look forward to watching him live out God's calling on his life.
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
(Stephen Curtis Chapman)
Saturday, February 1, 2014
10 misc. things about me for absolutely no reason-lol!
- We've had 4 total placements (plus lots of respite situations) in 4 years!
- I love coffee and probably drink too much of it
- If I could go anywhere in the world right now I would probably choose Italy. I really want to go before I die :)
- I love to eat healthy foods and exercise, but oh...bring me a cheesecake and I just might be over tempted to indulge!
- I'm originally from Michigan and although I like to visit family in the summer I desire never to spend another winter driving in that snow! (For my parents it has totaled over 80in. this winter already!) Related to that....I HATE to be cold!
- Weakness? I struggle with my kids chewing! lol! Often times I literally have to leave the room because I cannot stand the crunching of food. I've been known to also stick my fingers in my ears. They aren't nasty people, I have something wrong with me...seriously! lol!
- My hubby is the love of my life! I think he's super hot and people comment that we still look at each other as if we are dating....this month that will make 16 years! God knew what he was doing when he brought us together.
- Speaking of hubby....we met in a tire store. Yes, he worked there and I had a flat tire. He gave me his personal number and I called him up! WAY out of character for shy little ole me :)
- I have 2 big sisters that I look up to immensely...still!
- I want a baby girl :) Through adoption and foster care God has only given us boys. Coming from a family of all girls there has been a huge learning curve! He has stretched me and changed me all for the better. Maybe the next call we get will be for a new gender though?? Don't get me wrong...I'd never exchange my experiences with my boys for ANYTHING!
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