Today we had the enormous blessing of seeing Choo Choo again! It has been 7 1/2 weeks since he left us. We planned for a BBQ at a park in-between our houses. As we drove there I was had butterflies in my stomach...how was he going to react? sad? happy? confused? ????
When we arrived Uncle was already there and had snagged us a pavilion. The rest of the family was a few minutes away. When they finally pulled up we all ran across the grassy area (some faster than others-lol!) and the kids all embraced him. It was precious! But then ya'll...he saw me! He got a huge smile on his face and gave me the sweetest hug...and he wouldn't let go! Hubby got there and he wanted a hug too, but nope. He only wanted to his momma! After a few minutes he finally let go of me and hugged the hubby too :) We all walked back to the pavilion and he immediately wanted Michael and I to go play on the play structure. Ya'll...for my boy....I put my big tooshie down that tiny little slide over and over to hear him giggle!!!
It was hard in the beginning because he called me by my first name. I understand it but I didn't like it :) After a little while he called me Mommy and it's like no other feeling I can describe!!! We went back and forth to the pavilion every once in awhile for food or a drink, but he kept pulling me away to be alone. He wanted me to sit on the stairs with him and eat chips....so we did. He wanted me to take him to the bathroom...so we did. He got a bit sad and asked if he can come home with me/us. "Oh sweetheart....you will ALWAYS be my baby and I will ALWAYS be your Mommy and I think of you every.single.day, but you live with Uncle B and Aunt M. now. I am excited I get to see you though!" It seemed to calm the sadness...for a bit.
Over the 3 hour visit he would run and play with his brothers (old and new) and then he'd come back for hugs from Mommy and Daddy. Several times something very minor happened (a hurt finger, baby tried to eat his shoe, etc) and he broke out in tears that broke my heart. It felt so good that he wanted me to comfort him and just hold him through the tears. There were tears, there was happiness, there was another level of acceptance.
Goodbye (again) was HEART WRENCHING and as Aunt and I hugged and cried together there was talk of beach trips and movie trips and more get-togethers. I think this visit is definitely the hardest one for sure. Praying for lots more fun get-togethers very soon! His bio-family loves him very much (and the extended family that came too). I just wish that things had been different...that my sweet boy never had to experience this trauma in his life, but then I wouldn't know the amazing, wonderful little boy that he is! God uses ALL THINGS FOR HIS GLORY! We are blessed beyond measure that we got to visit with him today!!!