Friday, December 21, 2012

Jason Castro-Only A Mountain Lyrics

I really like this song! As I drove to drop Choo Choo off it came on the radio and I just basked in God's wonderful presence as I listened.

As for the drop off it was totally gut-wrenching.  He knows why we go to "that" place and started screaming.  His uncle was 15 min. late.  During that time he proceeded to scream and I watched as 2 cars 2 spaces down from me completed a drug deal. LOVELY!  I have sent an email to EVERYONE stating I request a change in meeting places.  What if they had guns and something didn't happen right?  I'm not putting my babies or myself in that kind of danger.  NUTS!

Choo Choo screamed as hard as he could as I took him out of his seat.  His uncle is so non-compassionate and tried taking him from my arms.  I told him to give Choo Choo some time and get his puppy and he would calm down.  Uncle got puppy and Choo Choo calmed a bit and then I handed him over.  I literally felt like my stomach was being shaken and I felt like I was going to bless the BK parking lot with my breakfast!

Praying for peace for Choo Choo and myself today.  This is so hard :(

Thursday, December 20, 2012


12 hours before Uncle hoped to have a visit the case manager calls me to tell me about the amendment to visitation (thank God the GAL called me).  I brought up the fact about going in front of the judge and apparently since the frequency wasn't changing (only the duration) that it did not need to be brought in front of the judge.

Let me tell you that I voiced my opinion...I am not afraid to stand up for my Choo Choo.  She knows I am not pleased but she made it very clear that she thinks it's best for him to be with his "family."  I explained about stress/trauma and how he acts (she's heard this before) and how he screams "NNNNOOOOO!" when I say he is going to see them, but to no avail.  Her thoughts were  "well we need to give this a try."

Her suggestion to me was that I keep notes of how he reacts after the extended visits and we can bring that before the judge in January (when we will have a status conference because she forgot to do her job).  SIGH!

In another text I got from our GAL she asked if I would be willing to take the stand and testify as to his behaviors.  Do I want to....NO!  Will I?  YES!  Yeah...I'm not sure if we will get a court date before then or if it will just be taken care of on that day.  This all seems so stupid when there are bigger issues to deal TPR for the non-existent father!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Changing my mindset

Ok...Uncle wants to hate me...the enemy wants to get me down and depressed....WELL I AM SAYING NO!  As soon as I prayed that the depressing spirit be gone in Jesus Name I felt this enormous lifting.  I changed my attitude and became a much more pleasant person to be around :)

I tend to have toys stashed throughout the year so guess what?  I have extras!  Guess who they are going to?  Yep...Chance's siblings.  My flesh says that is the last thing I want to do, but I know that I have to move and breathe in LOVE even if I don't feel like it!  So this weekend I will give them gifts knowing I did something nice for little ones who never asked to be raised by these parents and certainly never asked to get involved in this mess of a case either.

What a change when we take those thoughts captive unto Christ!

The Staffing

Thank you Lord that I was not able to attend today :)  I know I was waffling back and forth but in my mind I knew I had to go. hubby got sick on Sunday...I mean laid out in bed, fever, chills, cough, really sick.  I was thinking he'd be better by today, but he is still half-comatose in bed! person to watch the kids was taken away so I couldn't go. SO THANKFUL!

The GAL called me right afterward and Uncle showed up!  He was ticked off and ready to blow.  I guess he piped up about taking off work to come and nothing getting accomplished.  Yeah work nights and get off at 7...who are you kidding?  Anyway, apparently the uncle, CM, and the CM supervisor attacked the GAL and she refused to play their games.  The supervisor was contradicting COURT DOCUMENTATION and when confronted she backed down.  I guess it was ugly and at the end Uncle demanded visitation every weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Uuuummmm....NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  Thank God that was nixed but the supervisor said "well how about we make it every other weekend but extend them?"  He was pacified with that so they are trying to get the visits changed to be from Fri morn until Sun night.  Little do they know (actually if they read the court documents they'd know exactly but no one bothers to do that) that we are trying to reduce visitation.  Sooooooooooo...the judge will be presented with both sides and I guess we'll see where her thoughts lie.

Uncle has a visit this weekend.  I KNOW he will try to get the Fri-Sun but it needs to amended in court first.  I am ready...I know he will say that I wasn't at the staffing and blah blah blah.....NOT having it!  Oh and he said some stuff about my family and I and how not-committed to Choo Choo  because we will not do PG.  He threw around some "this hurts me in my spirit" stuff and a whole bunch other nonsense to make himself look spiritual all the while not showing fruit of a true Christ follower.....ever.

This has been a hard morning....I am so fed up with this dude, this case, the incompetent workers, etc.  While venting to my social worker about it all I told her not to be surprised if we do not continue fostering after this case is done.  Sadly she was not surprised by my words at all and said "I don't know how you do it!"  She validated my feelings about all the nonsense and how it's only hurting Choo Choo.

Just. So. Tired of it all today :(  Our next real court hearing isn't until APRIL. :(

Monday, December 10, 2012

Christmas Wish

So Choo Choo did indeed have a visit with his Aunt/Uncle this past weekend.  Poor thing hadn't seen them in a month so at hand off he was clinging and screaming again.  Don't people understand consistency for a child is of UTMOST importance???  Ugh!

Yesterday I picked him up. When they arrived 15 min PAST the time THEY requested I got out of my car and went over to theirs.  Uncle was undoing the REGULAR seat belt from Choo Choo.  He was sitting in his car seat without the harness fastened.....just a plain ole seat belt over him.  HE IS NOT EVEN TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then he hands him to me and tells me that next time they will be getting his haircut.  I informed him that we need permission from bio-Dad prior to cutting his hair and that we just asked and he said no.  His response was "well S said we could do it anytime"  Nice...I confirmed with the CM and she said that when S said we couldn't he also commented that uncle could cut it anytime.  Yeah.....that makes things pretty clear doesn't it?!  I really wish I knew what lies aunt/uncle were telling him about me.  Prior to these visits starting bio-dad and I were on really good footing.  He respected me for taking care of Choo Choo, texted, called, etc.  Now after having contact with the aunt/uncle...NOTHING and to top it off, dirty looks at court and things like this.

Don't get me wrong.....every little thing, every visit, every dirty look, every snide comment, every time I am sitting in my car waiting forever for them to get there IS WORTH IT....why?  Because of Choo Choo!!!!  He is my boy and I love him more than words can say and as another foster momma puts it..."I will live this crappy life for him!"  I will fight for him and what is best for him no matter what....hate me?  I don't care! :) Christmas wish is a TPR trial (either the real thing or at least a date!)  The 30 days were up on Friday so I am trying to find out if it was filed appropriately or not.  If not, we have court in Jan to see why not.  I am just hoping things are all taken care and we can move forward.  I know it's not all said and done and he could still be adopted by aunt/uncle but whatever it is I just want permanency for my baby....of course I PRAY that it is HERE with us!!!

The GAL contacted the CM and she said that she hadn't filed anything because she thought the court told the GAL's office to do it.  WHAT??????????????  she even said to me at our last homevisit that the courts wanted "their office" to file the petition.   LIVID!!!!

Thursday, December 6, 2012


There is not much going on here in relation to foster care land!  I guess I'm really ok with that!  Another aunt/uncle visit is scheduled for this weekend so I guess we will see if last time was fluke, or the beginning of an end!

So....since I don't have any real news I'll tell you about my cute boy!  He is super into EVERYTHING!  He is really getting into that 2 yr old attitude and can be totally sweet and cuddly one minute and downright defiant the next!

He love to do laundry and I guess since he has done it with me so much he can tell me whose clothes are whose...right down to the undies!  lol!

He goes "#2" in his diaper and promptly brings me the wipes and a clean diaper and says "I p*ooped.  Change me peeeze!"  LOL!  I'm hoping he'll be an early potty trainer :)

No paci at naptime has gone very well.  He still wakes up screaming like he's being tortured rather than sucking a paci and going back to sleep, but that will stop eventually...I hope!  We plan to stop the night time paci use soon.

He is using primarily 2-3 word phrases but often will go 4-5 words.  He has a great vocabulary and is very verbal....sometimes too much!  He really likes the song "5 little monkeys swinging in a tree" and will sing almost all the words with me :)

His bio-dad is still angry with us so he won't let us get our nappy-headed boy a haircut!  The family pics we got taken turned out good, but we had to try to cover his head with a hat-lol!

There is a staffing on the 18th...hopefully I will hear on that day if the TPR petition has been filed like it's supposed to.  2 more days and the 30 days are up!