Thursday, April 17, 2014

It snuck up on me!

This week I seem to be very emotional about Choo Choo.  Every.single.thing. reminds me of him!

Like this....

It is an anti-bully commercial on Cartoon Network.  For some reason my sweet boy LOVED it and it came to be known as "his" commercial!  It brought me to tears a few days ago :-(

I think that having him open his presents (with his therapist last week) and knowing that aunt/uncle really have no reason (other than caring about Choo Choo's transition) to contact me is a hard reality.  I really don't think they will contact us again.  It breaks my heart for Choo Choo who deserves a better transition!

And then it hit me.....EASTER! This is the first holiday without my baby :(  It all clicked as to why I haven't felt like making a big dinner or really feeling happy about such an amazing holiday!  Then the crazy wheels in my head kept going and realized he won't be here for my birthday and Mother's Day is just a few weeks away.  I am BLESSED with 3 other children and don't get me wrong...we will celebrate, but at the same time a piece of my heart will be missing on that day :(   

Our household is learning to live without his sweet face here everyday but it sure isn't easy.  Love/foster care/adoption can be costly but oh so worth it!

1 comment:

Jennifer Herrmann said...

I am so sorry for your broken heart. We have been foster parents since Sept 2012. What a journey! Baby J was with us from when he was 3 weeks old, until he was 7 months old. All the sleepless night, all the snuggles, first smile, rolling over....well - you get it. We got to spend two weekends with him last month - and I love it. However, I found myself grieving deeply when they were over. HE was here and life felt right again - our family felt whole. There is such loss felt in the place that he once filled. I know it is the same for your choo-choo. Prayers and Blessings to you!