Last Thursday evening we accepted a respite placement of a 7 month old little boy I'll simply call "C." He was soooo cute but very high maintenance! The kid was over 20lbs easily and just wanted to be held. His FM told me that he needs to be rocked to sleep, held when eating (table food), etc. She is a single FM (my hat goes off to all of you who do this alone!) and he is the only child in her home. Yeah...you can imagine him coming to MY house! We do not do quiet very well here! lol! He was a bit overwhelmed at first, but overall adjusted pretty quickly.
Having him here was weird. Everything I did for him I would daydream a bit back to when I did that for Choo Choo. Making/feeding him bottles, rocking him, laying him down, playing with particular toys and so on.
Yesterday I served in the infant room at church and there was a sweet young 20-something in there. Her comment to be was "babies and I don't get along!" I thought "why are you serving in here then?" lol! I told her she may change her mind in time and she said "I doubt it!!!" After a bit I put "C" near her to see what she would do. He immediately tried to pull himself into her lap. She accepted him and the rest was beautiful! She sang with him, played with him, and by the end was telling me what an amazing thing we were doing for him. She said that her family had adopted a boy from foster care on his 14th b-day :) While we were cleaning the toys after all the parents came she said "can I show him to my mom? She's in another room." I told her "sure, why not?" I walked with her over there and she said to her mom that "when she grows up" she wants to adopt! :) Several other women, some of whom I don't even know, were so excited to gush over a baby and one even said "I heard through the grapevine you had another one!" Really? I don't know you, but that's great!
I was really tired yesterday (he didn't sleep well) and I'm getting a bit of a cold, plus I had a horrible headache. I feel bad for the woman who said "I could never foster because I'd get too attached and couldn't let go!" Ok...we foster parents hear this (bad) excuse ALL the time and perhaps I was a bit short with her, but let's just chalk that up to not feeling well and "things we don't say to foster parents." lol! No really, I wasn't mean, but I did give her my spiel :)
It's really interesting processing grief. This is our first "long-term" goodbye and the sadness pops up at the craziest times. A wise and sweet social worker (you know who you are!) told us not long ago to "feel everything." If we stuff these feelings (no matter which ones they are) we cannot heal and move on to continue to fulfill our calling. Yesterday afternoon as I pulled in the driveway after picking up Choo Choo he realized my husband's car was not there. He immediately burst into tears and said "Mommy I'm sad!!" :( I got him out of his car seat and we just had a good cry together in the back seat of the minivan! He was trying to hold all that in, but Daddy not being home when he got there was just the last straw! :( That won't happen again!
On Sat. I talked to him on the phone and he didn't have much to say other than "I don't know" when I asked him questions. The only thing he asked me was "do I get to come to your house today?" He didn't cry at all. I think it's starting to sink in. He didn't call it home :( Everyone is trying their best to prepare him. I sent a picture book with him and some of his personal toys to keep over there. I think gradually moving his things will help him as well. I sent a church CD that his favorite Miss Leah gave to him and his uncle said he blasted it in the car and in the house and wanted to listen to it over and over.
He has been a bit different coming back this time. He's not so aggressive...more loving and just wants to be by us. There has been some tussles with Michael though. All Michael does when Choo Choo leaves is ask when he's coming back, but when he's here all they do is fight. I'm just not sure if it's his way of processing, or if Michael is pushing him away to start to separate the emotions. I can't get in that 4 yr old's head, so we just keep on giving lots of love and reassurances. Michael really enjoyed having the baby here this weekend though and gave him lots of hugs and kisses.
Hubby and I had discussed having a "party" for Choo Choo as our final goodbye rather than a "cold" parking lot transfer. I approached Uncle about it and he thought it was a great idea. We are going to meet at a park 1/2 way between our houses and Choo Choo's two families will have a bbq, have some cake and play together. A celebration of his first family (ok...so we really are his second, but we are the only ones he ever really knew) and his forever family! Uncle/Aunt say they want us to remain in his life, so we are praying we will have continued contact with him and get to continue to watch this amazing little person grow and develop!
Sharing the life experience of becoming foster parents to the least of these!
Monday, February 17, 2014
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Happy Gotcha Day Choo Choo!!!!
I am honored today and keep thanking God for entrusting this precious boy to us for 3 entire years. We feel so privileged to be a part of Choo Choo's story. We pray we will make an appearance in another chapter along the way if it is God's will. There will be a glorious unfolding in his story and I look forward to watching him live out God's calling on his life.
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding
(Stephen Curtis Chapman)
Saturday, February 1, 2014
10 misc. things about me for absolutely no reason-lol!
- We've had 4 total placements (plus lots of respite situations) in 4 years!
- I love coffee and probably drink too much of it
- If I could go anywhere in the world right now I would probably choose Italy. I really want to go before I die :)
- I love to eat healthy foods and exercise, but oh...bring me a cheesecake and I just might be over tempted to indulge!
- I'm originally from Michigan and although I like to visit family in the summer I desire never to spend another winter driving in that snow! (For my parents it has totaled over 80in. this winter already!) Related to that....I HATE to be cold!
- Weakness? I struggle with my kids chewing! lol! Often times I literally have to leave the room because I cannot stand the crunching of food. I've been known to also stick my fingers in my ears. They aren't nasty people, I have something wrong with me...seriously! lol!
- My hubby is the love of my life! I think he's super hot and people comment that we still look at each other as if we are dating....this month that will make 16 years! God knew what he was doing when he brought us together.
- Speaking of hubby....we met in a tire store. Yes, he worked there and I had a flat tire. He gave me his personal number and I called him up! WAY out of character for shy little ole me :)
- I have 2 big sisters that I look up to immensely...still!
- I want a baby girl :) Through adoption and foster care God has only given us boys. Coming from a family of all girls there has been a huge learning curve! He has stretched me and changed me all for the better. Maybe the next call we get will be for a new gender though?? Don't get me wrong...I'd never exchange my experiences with my boys for ANYTHING!
Friday, January 17, 2014
Samuel
When Choo Choo was about 4-5 months old his CM at the time was trying to actively get bio-dad to sign surrenders and tpr on mom would be easy because she abandoned him and was no where to be found. Back then Choo Choo was pretty high maintenance and we spent many nights laying awake on the couch and cuddling. As I would pray over him I continually heard the name "Samuel." I used to whisper to him "are you my little Samuel?" thinking that one day God would grant him to us officially and we would rename him Samuel.
As time went by and things got more complicated that experience/name kind of went out of my mind and I didn't think much about it anymore.
Late last year as we prepared for the court hearing that we truly believed would move toward making him our official son we needed to think of a name for him. His current name was not a long term option. Hubby and I don't really have difficulty with boy names. We usually have no trouble agreeing, but for him we couldn't. Samuel doesn't fit my boy. His name wasn't to be Samuel. As I prayed I had a strong feeling his name was to be "Malachi." Hubby did not like that name. I dropped the talk of baby names and decided to wait for a decision from the judge before we had any more discussion.
Of course we all know the outcome of court and choosing a new name for him was not necessary. And then....
I am on a 21 day fast right now and have been spending a lot of extra time connecting with God and praying and seeking wisdom. Today he led me to I Samuel 1. I am very familiar with this story but love it. Then I got to verse 24 After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull,[a] an ephah[b] of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh. I stopped in my reading, frozen as He made it all rhema (click) for me!
Samuel was most likely weaned (or most baby boys were) at about age 3!! Choo Choo is three! Choo Choo is MY Samuel!!!!!!!! No, I am not his biological or even adoptive mother, but God granted me this child until weaning age (3). If you are not familiar with the story of Samuel I encourage you to check out the whole thing! :)
Then I recalled the name "Malachi." It means "Messenger of God!" I believe that he had to truly be in our home and get his start here so he can go out and be that Messenger of God. I believe strongly in naming our children purposefully and declaring what we hope for them to be. I am so grateful to be the honorary momma to this amazing little boy, even if only for 3 years!!!
Today when Choo Choo was speaking to my sister on the phone he said "My mom is not my mom." It's so hard to not take statements like that personally (he's said that one other time). I want to get angry at aunt/uncle for telling him things like that. I want to angry at the judge for making the decision she did. BUT GOD...gently reminds me that Choo Choo is HIS. Choo Choo will fulfill the name He has given him, no matter what environment he is in. I will always be that sweet boy's mommy in my heart, and deep down in his, no matter what lies the enemy may whisper.
I love the end of I Samuel 8. Verse 17 says "But he always went back to Ramah. where his home was, and there he judged Israel. And he built an altar there to the Lord." (emphasis mine) I don't think this story is over. There is more to how Choo Choo will continue to impact our family and play his role within :)
As time went by and things got more complicated that experience/name kind of went out of my mind and I didn't think much about it anymore.
Late last year as we prepared for the court hearing that we truly believed would move toward making him our official son we needed to think of a name for him. His current name was not a long term option. Hubby and I don't really have difficulty with boy names. We usually have no trouble agreeing, but for him we couldn't. Samuel doesn't fit my boy. His name wasn't to be Samuel. As I prayed I had a strong feeling his name was to be "Malachi." Hubby did not like that name. I dropped the talk of baby names and decided to wait for a decision from the judge before we had any more discussion.
Of course we all know the outcome of court and choosing a new name for him was not necessary. And then....
I am on a 21 day fast right now and have been spending a lot of extra time connecting with God and praying and seeking wisdom. Today he led me to I Samuel 1. I am very familiar with this story but love it. Then I got to verse 24 After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull,[a] an ephah[b] of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh. I stopped in my reading, frozen as He made it all rhema (click) for me!
Samuel was most likely weaned (or most baby boys were) at about age 3!! Choo Choo is three! Choo Choo is MY Samuel!!!!!!!! No, I am not his biological or even adoptive mother, but God granted me this child until weaning age (3). If you are not familiar with the story of Samuel I encourage you to check out the whole thing! :)
Then I recalled the name "Malachi." It means "Messenger of God!" I believe that he had to truly be in our home and get his start here so he can go out and be that Messenger of God. I believe strongly in naming our children purposefully and declaring what we hope for them to be. I am so grateful to be the honorary momma to this amazing little boy, even if only for 3 years!!!
Today when Choo Choo was speaking to my sister on the phone he said "My mom is not my mom." It's so hard to not take statements like that personally (he's said that one other time). I want to get angry at aunt/uncle for telling him things like that. I want to angry at the judge for making the decision she did. BUT GOD...gently reminds me that Choo Choo is HIS. Choo Choo will fulfill the name He has given him, no matter what environment he is in. I will always be that sweet boy's mommy in my heart, and deep down in his, no matter what lies the enemy may whisper.
I love the end of I Samuel 8. Verse 17 says "But he always went back to Ramah. where his home was, and there he judged Israel. And he built an altar there to the Lord." (emphasis mine) I don't think this story is over. There is more to how Choo Choo will continue to impact our family and play his role within :)
Friday, January 10, 2014
How are the boys?
Several people have asked me how the other three kids are doing. So far, they are doing alright. Nothing has changed yet, so they aren't really feeling the difference too much yet. However, Choo Choo went on his regular weekend visit today and last night that sparked something in our most sensitive one.
I was sitting at the computer typing and I could see him out of the corner of my eye pacing back and forth. I stopped and asked if everything was alright. I could tell he was fighting back tears. I asked "what's wrong buddy?" and the floodgates opened. Poor boy! He was just crying and saying how much he's going to miss to Choo Choo. He then started asking lots of questions....
I emailed with the CM the other day and my FDS is trying to set up a therapy appointment for him here with our kids and then also at his uncles and the new daycare. This therapist will need to approve the transition plan the CM is drawing up. I told her that 4 months (what the judge suggested) is too long. I think 6-8 weeks max is more along the lines of appropriate. He is very familiar with them and drawing this whole thing out for 4 months is going to be pure torture on everyone. He is already starting to act out and having more and more tantrums that are not his typical tantrums. He is having trouble sleeping as well.
As Choo Choo is gone for longer periods of time I know more will come out and it will probably be behavior-wise. When Choo Choo returns from these long visits it will also be difficult. I am hoping the therapist is helpful in ways to help all my children work through this transition.
I was sitting at the computer typing and I could see him out of the corner of my eye pacing back and forth. I stopped and asked if everything was alright. I could tell he was fighting back tears. I asked "what's wrong buddy?" and the floodgates opened. Poor boy! He was just crying and saying how much he's going to miss to Choo Choo. He then started asking lots of questions....
- Does his uncle have our phone number? Can he call us?
- Can we send him birthday presents?
- Will I ever see him again?
- How will I be able to remember him?
- Will he remember me?
- Can I send him pictures?
- Can I write him letters?
I emailed with the CM the other day and my FDS is trying to set up a therapy appointment for him here with our kids and then also at his uncles and the new daycare. This therapist will need to approve the transition plan the CM is drawing up. I told her that 4 months (what the judge suggested) is too long. I think 6-8 weeks max is more along the lines of appropriate. He is very familiar with them and drawing this whole thing out for 4 months is going to be pure torture on everyone. He is already starting to act out and having more and more tantrums that are not his typical tantrums. He is having trouble sleeping as well.
As Choo Choo is gone for longer periods of time I know more will come out and it will probably be behavior-wise. When Choo Choo returns from these long visits it will also be difficult. I am hoping the therapist is helpful in ways to help all my children work through this transition.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Key
22 I will give him the key to the house of David—the highest position in the royal court. When he opens doors, no one will be able to close them; when he closes doors, no one will be able to open them. 23 He will bring honor to his family name, for I will drive him firmly in place like a nail in the wall."
My sister posted this passage on my FB wall a day or so before court happened. The day before she posted, Choo Choo saw a key in a windowsill. A key that has pretty much been there since the day we moved in (extra copy) 2 years ago. He never noticed it or asked for it until that day. He carried it around and NO ONE could even touch HIS key. I was praying it was significant to the results of court. As we all know, it wasn't that day. My father's name is also David :)
He loves this key and walks around with it in his pocket most days. I plan to get a special key chain for it and send it with him on his final day. Aunt/Uncle will just think it's a toy key, but we will know better. It will represent that he is a member of this family (members of families have keys) and our door will always be able to be opened by him! Papers will say he belongs to another family and so does blood, but in all our hearts he belongs to this house.
My sister posted this passage on my FB wall a day or so before court happened. The day before she posted, Choo Choo saw a key in a windowsill. A key that has pretty much been there since the day we moved in (extra copy) 2 years ago. He never noticed it or asked for it until that day. He carried it around and NO ONE could even touch HIS key. I was praying it was significant to the results of court. As we all know, it wasn't that day. My father's name is also David :)
He loves this key and walks around with it in his pocket most days. I plan to get a special key chain for it and send it with him on his final day. Aunt/Uncle will just think it's a toy key, but we will know better. It will represent that he is a member of this family (members of families have keys) and our door will always be able to be opened by him! Papers will say he belongs to another family and so does blood, but in all our hearts he belongs to this house.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Nothing Is Wasted
"In sorrow we have tasted, but joy will replace it."
Church today was beautiful and difficult all at the same time. This being our last weekend with Choo Choo made this his last Sunday with the people who have helped to lead him toward God and sweet little friends. I took a few pictures and many, many friends gave me hugs, "I love you's" and sweet words of encouragement. Thank you church family! I cried more than I expected to but that's ok...God caught each one and those are just more seeds to eventually bloom :)
I have already gotten the inevitable question of "will you continue to foster?" YES! The hurt is REAL, but I tell you with great certainty that this heartbreak has spurred both hubby and myself into wanting to help another child. "Are you nuts? You want to go through this again?" Awhile ago we both said "we need a LONG break after this case has ended (one way or another)." We were obedient to God's call to foster and just because His plans didn't line up with ours, that shouldn't make us any less obedient. We will take a short break and heal a bit and then we definitely will jump back into the crazy land of foster care because the need in our county is so great. If we say that we don't want to get hurt again, are we fulfilling God's mandate? No, we are just being selfish. These children did not ASK to be in foster care and they need a loving and caring home to go to. When it is in our ability to provide for another child....what excuse possibly could be good enough to not help them??? God's grace will always be sufficient!
Ya know what I want to see??? I want to have a case where we as foster parents get to come along side birthparents who realize they made a mistake and do EVERYTHING possible to get their child back. I want to see a court system who doesn't fail a child. I want to help birthparents and honor them. (AWESOME message on this at church this morning by John Bevere....buy the book!)
I don't know what God's plans are for Choo Choo, but I know they are GOOD! As we were eating lunch today I just looked into my sweet boy's face and said "do you know how much you are loved?" His response was priceless...."God loves me!!!" Oh sweet boy....you are not making this goodbye process any easier by being the sweetest thing on earth!
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