When Choo Choo was about 4-5 months old his CM at the time was trying to actively get bio-dad to sign surrenders and tpr on mom would be easy because she abandoned him and was no where to be found. Back then Choo Choo was pretty high maintenance and we spent many nights laying awake on the couch and cuddling. As I would pray over him I continually heard the name "Samuel." I used to whisper to him "are you my little Samuel?" thinking that one day God would grant him to us officially and we would rename him Samuel.
As time went by and things got more complicated that experience/name kind of went out of my mind and I didn't think much about it anymore.
Late last year as we prepared for the court hearing that we truly believed would move toward making him our official son we needed to think of a name for him. His current name was not a long term option. Hubby and I don't really have difficulty with boy names. We usually have no trouble agreeing, but for him we couldn't. Samuel doesn't fit my boy. His name wasn't to be Samuel. As I prayed I had a strong feeling his name was to be "Malachi." Hubby did not like that name. I dropped the talk of baby names and decided to wait for a decision from the judge before we had any more discussion.
Of course we all know the outcome of court and choosing a new name for him was not necessary. And then....
I am on a 21 day fast right now and have been spending a lot of extra time connecting with God and praying and seeking wisdom. Today he led me to I Samuel 1. I am very familiar with this story but love it. Then I got to verse 24 After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull,[a] an ephah[b] of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh. I stopped in my reading, frozen as He made it all rhema (click) for me!
Samuel was most likely weaned (or most baby boys were) at about age 3!! Choo Choo is three! Choo Choo is MY Samuel!!!!!!!! No, I am not his biological or even adoptive mother, but God granted me this child until weaning age (3). If you are not familiar with the story of Samuel I encourage you to check out the whole thing! :)
Then I recalled the name "Malachi." It means "Messenger of God!" I believe that he had to truly be in our home and get his start here so he can go out and be that Messenger of God. I believe strongly in naming our children purposefully and declaring what we hope for them to be. I am so grateful to be the honorary momma to this amazing little boy, even if only for 3 years!!!
Today when Choo Choo was speaking to my sister on the phone he said "My mom is not my mom." It's so hard to not take statements like that personally (he's said that one other time). I want to get angry at aunt/uncle for telling him things like that. I want to angry at the judge for making the decision she did. BUT GOD...gently reminds me that Choo Choo is HIS. Choo Choo will fulfill the name He has given him, no matter what environment he is in. I will always be that sweet boy's mommy in my heart, and deep down in his, no matter what lies the enemy may whisper.
I love the end of I Samuel 8. Verse 17 says "But he always went back to Ramah. where his home was, and there he judged Israel. And he built an altar there to the Lord." (emphasis mine) I don't think this story is over. There is more to how Choo Choo will continue to impact our family and play his role within :)