Friday, January 10, 2014

How are the boys?

Several people have asked me how the other three kids are doing.  So far, they are doing alright.  Nothing has changed yet, so they aren't really feeling the difference too much yet.  However, Choo Choo went on his regular weekend visit today and last night that sparked something in our most sensitive one.

I was sitting at the computer typing and I could see him out of the corner of my eye pacing back and forth.  I stopped and asked if everything was alright.  I could tell he was fighting back tears.  I asked "what's wrong buddy?" and the floodgates opened.  Poor boy!  He was just crying and saying how much he's going to miss to Choo Choo.  He then started asking lots of questions....

  • Does his uncle have our phone number? Can he call us?
  • Can we send him birthday presents?
  • Will I ever see him again?
  • How will I be able to remember him?
  • Will he remember me?
  • Can I send him pictures?
  • Can I write him letters?
I gave him all the answers he was looking for and then told him some of the things that I want to do so we have remembrances of him.  I then asked if he had any ideas.  His idea was to get lots of copies of Choo Choo's picture and tape them all over the house and on the inside windows of our car so wherever we went Choo Choo would be with us and he could talk to him.  :)  Since that conversation he has been taking pictures of Choo Choo with his tablet and giving him lots of hugs and kisses.  We cried a few more tears together and Choo Choo joined us.  "Why you sad Mommy?" Ahhh.....he knew why and before I could answer he said "Don't worry Momma!  I go Uncle B's but then you come and get me Sunday.  I come home and be with you.  I be right back Momma!"  This is so hard for him to understand. 

I emailed with the CM the other day and my FDS is trying to set up a therapy appointment for him here with our kids and then also at his uncles and the new daycare.  This therapist will need to approve the transition plan the CM is drawing up.  I told her that 4 months (what the judge suggested) is too long.  I think 6-8 weeks max is more along the lines of appropriate.  He is very familiar with them and drawing this whole thing out for 4 months is going to be pure torture on everyone.  He is already starting to act out and having more and more tantrums that are not his typical tantrums.  He is having trouble sleeping as well. 

As Choo Choo is gone for longer periods of time I know more will come out and it will probably be behavior-wise.  When Choo Choo returns from these long visits it will also be difficult.  I am hoping the therapist is helpful in ways to help all my children work through this transition.



Karen said...

Wanted to share one of our goodbye traditions with you...
As a family, we go to Build a Bear. We pick out a bear for the little one leaving (we've chosen the same bear for all of them so far. Choo-Choo and your other boys will probably love making this decision!). Once we've picked the bear, we buy a recordable sound piece (about $10 here in Canada). Our whole family gathers around it and we record us saying, "We love you, _____!" We have the bear stuffed with the recording in the bear's paw. They have little red hearts that you can kiss and hug and make wishes on (we get one for each member of our family to do. We had a really good employee the one time who knew what we were doing and made it so special). The hearts go in the bear too. We get it all dressed, fluffed, and all the other fun things you can do. At 21, I enjoy doing this when a foster brother/sister is leaving...your kids would love it at their age! It's a great transitional item because ChooChoo can play it whenever he wants to hear your family. The process of building the bear has been very healing for our family. It's not cheap (I don't know what their prices are like in the US), but for us it is SO worth it. Oh, and we of course take lots of pictures as we build it!

Our Journey said...

Thank you for sharing!! What a wonderful idea :)

Luna said...

Is there a reason ChooChoo was not moved to this family earlier? I just don't understand why he was kept in your home for so long only to be moved. I'm new to your blog so this might've already been explained. We are fostering a 15 month old that we've also had since he was three days. Of course when termination starts being talked about family comes forward. I'm fine with fostering for an extended period of time for this child to go back with a bio parent but not to go to a family member that could've come forward in the beginning! That makes absolutely no sense to me. It's so damaging to the child.
I am praying for your baby and for your family.

Tish C. Hill said...

I love the build a bear idea....seriously made me tear up. I wish we could have done that when our FD left last month. :(

Tish C. Hill said...

I love the build a bear idea....seriously made me tear up. I wish we could have done that when our FD left last month. :(