Insightful thoughts!

A friend referred me over this blog and she has some wonderful thoughts on how family/friends can help adoptive/foster parents. All pre-adoptive mom you will want to read this too!!



http://theteabotribe.blogspot.com/2010/10/what-every-adoptivefoster-family-needs.html

Prayer and Fasting

This month I have been fasting and praying for the hearts of many as we approach National Adoption Month (November). Of course I have also included in that Little Man and his case. I have been praying that (for his sake) the bio-dad would complete his case plan in record time making L.M.'s time in care as short as possible...that all would go swiftly and smoothly in court...that paternity would be officially established...and that our CM would like her job (lol!)

In this month we have seen his case manager leave, we got a new case manager, court was cancelled (delayed 2 weeks), paternity was established, and no case plan has even been started. God is making it very clear that things will happen in His timetable and not my mine. This is no surprise, but I was hoping they lined up together-lol! ;)

There are still 4 days left in this month...wonder what else will happen. I called his CM this morning and verified that the visit was remaining the same and it would happen today. I had L.M. and all his things ready to go. The transporter never called, never showed up. I called his CM to what was going on (I don't have the transporters #) and it went to VM and I haven't heard back. Roll with the punches!!! One day they are going to "forget" to tell me...ya know...the one with the child....and they are going to come to pick him up and we won't be here. Then maybe they might think about calling me???? I am a communication person...I NEED good communication. This is yet another way God is stretching me through this process!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhhh.....

So I finally got ahold of our CM's supervisor and apparently they have no idea when she may (or may not be back!) My question was about court and the visit prior tomorrow and he said that the visit is going to be held as they typically do and that court has been rescheduled for 2 weeks from now. Ahhhh.....if I had not called him to see what was going on I would have shown up with a 1 yr old (having gone through security with all the "stuff" he requires) and would have found out that it was cancelled. I would have been FUMING! Apparently until we have a clue what is going on with our CM we have been reassigned to a new CM. We actually already know her because she was his CM for 1 week before we got the one now on leave. Oh my! My head is spinning and I can only imagine how IRATE his parents are. Tomorrow was to be the day that bio-dad gets a case plan and his visits re-instated. Now he has to wait another 2 weeks. It's been about 3 or 4 months since he has seen him :( How do people do all of this without the grace and mercy of God????

We are headed to the beach to relax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mystery solved!

So I finally found out today why our CM has not been responding to my emails/texts/calls. She is "on leave"!! Hmm....the message said to call her supervisor should I need anything, so I called him to see if our visit/court is still on for Wed. and of course he didn't answer either. I will be trying all day tomorrow until I get ahold of him because I am not going through all that work only to show up and it's cancelled! I have no idea how long our CM will be out and (obviously) no one told us she was on leave....ahhhh....another "experience!" Also, that means I won't have that "buffer" between bio-mom/dad, Little Man and myself for the visit (unless her supervisor is planning on being there in her place). How do people do this with God to depend on....SERIOUSLY!

Yay!

After 10 1/2 months in care it has legally been established in court who Little Man's Daddy is!!! Whew...it took a long time, but now he can work a case plan as well. It simply stinks for Little Man to have to wait even more time which will be even harder when we all have to say goodbye :( God's ways are not our ways and we just have to trust Him no matter what!

Oh...and still no communication from his CM. Annoying!

Really???

I don't know why I am surprised, but Little Man showed us today how he is able to climb out of his crib!!!!!!! He is such a climber and I knew this day was coming, but I was hoping I'd have a little more time!! He is also starting to work on his 2 year molars....really?? There has literally been no break in the cutting of teeth since he began at 7 months old! At least he'll have a full set soon and I know it will be done! LOL!

Keeping my days busy!

Wondering....

We have pretty much had the same caseworker for our Little Man ever since we started this journey 10 1/2 months ago (we had someone else for our first week). She isn't the best person at communication and I can't say that we exactly mesh, but she generally will respond the quickest to me if I text her and second is email. Over the course of the last couple of weeks she has not returned any emails or texts. She has always supervised our Little Man's visit and returned him home following the visit. The past two weeks a transporter has brought him home.

This afternoon I got a message from his GAL asking if I was planning to be at court tomorrow. I had no idea there was anything going on tomorrow! His JR is scheduled for next Wed. and I plan on attending that, but no notification about this one. His GAL is currently trying to find out why there is a hearing tomorrow. I have texted and emailed Little Man's CM today and have gotten no response.

Hmmm....wondering if we have a new case manager in our future......

15 month old well visit

Little Man went for his well-visit today (1 day late..oh well!) and he is doing great! He is right at the 50%ile mark for height (31.25 inches) and weight (24.5lbs). He has thinned out since he started to be mobile :) His head circ. was in the 90th %ile!! She wasn't alarmed as his head always has measured large. She noted on her form the measurement and then added "with hair" LOL! The boy just got 1/2 of it cut off and people just can't believe it :) Otherwise things look good. He has allergies that have been bothering him lately and she prescribed something for those, but she was overall pleased with his development and very impressed with his language abilities! Unfortuantely he had to have 3 shots today...ugh! Poor thing has been super crabby today. Hopefully that turns around quickly!

Grief and Loss Training

Last night I went to a training at our foster care agency. It really didn't end up being a lot of new information, but what I did get from it was personal stories of experience from other foster parents who are in the trenches and have had to say goodbye. I was the only one there who hasn't had to...YET. It just started me on thinking about having to say goodbye to Little Man...how our kids are going to take him leaving...how L.M. is going to feel becoming an only child with no one he knows (well) around. It also brought me back to the day that Mr. I's foster momma gave him over to me. I have a totally different perspective of that day now. She had him for the first year of his life and walked a very similar road to us.

I *know* that we are doing God's will. I know that we are doing what He has asked us to do. I know that it's best for children with be with their biological parents. I know that reunification is always the goal for foster care.

Even though I *know* all these things it isn't going to make my grief any less. I don't think I will be able to do it again if I don't cry those tears, grieve and heal. We were the ones who spent late nights with him when he was sick...we took him to the hospital...we took him to the specialist and pediatrician appts....we dealt with all those crazy days/nights when he was teething...we taught him to sit, crawl and stand....we saw his first steps...we heard his first words...we prayed over that child when he was initially grieving and so much more. We can't just turn that off. We can't pretend that he wasn't a member of our family. It came to my attention that certain case workers may expect that to happen. I will kindly let them know about our experience.

I am not looking forward to that day, but I do have peace that when it is time, that God's grace is sufficient for our healing and it will also keep Little Man safe. I have to trust that the system (although it fails often) has done what it needs to do to ensure it is the right time for him to return. I have ZERO control there. I can definitely say that my faith in God has increased since starting this journey of foster care and I know He is with us at each step...even when that first goodbye has to happen.

Second Party Review Update

I had the pleasure of meeting Alidah yesterday...a supervisor at the agency of our current CM. I guess these second party reviews are done once a year. It wasn't because of length in care as I had thought. It was interesting to give her pieces of our story and to hear her be surprised about it. Some examples were that 1) we were the only foster home he has been in 2) that he has been in our care for 10 1/2 months and isn't going anywhere anytime soon 3) what has happened with "mom's" other children and that she only wants to parent Little Man 4) the whole "Dad" situation and more!!! She really loved our communication book idea too! It was nice to hear someone in this situation really "get it" from Little Man's perspective that we are the only family that he really knows and that his mom is just a nice lady he visits once a week for an hour. She asked if we would be interested in adopting him if the situation would come to that. Our immediate answer was YES!!! Will that happen?? Only God knows for sure...we can only speculate (and hope!)

Two weeks from today is a big court date and bio-dad will finally be getting recognized. His CM wants the weekly visit to happen before the court date. Yes...she is asking me to take an active 16 month old into a court room...Lord help me! LOL!!! It will be good for the judge to see him and put a face with a name and it will be interesting to see how he reacts when both his mom and I are present. That has never happened before....

Secondary Reviews

I'm not sure why (maybe some of you seasoned f.p.'s can tell me) I have had two calls to do secondary reviews. I'm assumming that since Little Man has been in care for quite awhile that they just want to review everything their care managers are doing. One was just over the phone, but the other wants to do a homevisit. It sure is a good thing that I am so flexible! She wants it to be tomorrow. Umm...sure....I can throw you into the mix! She's going to meet with Little Man at his visit with his mom on Wed. too. I'd be interested to hear "mom's" review! LOL! "Mom" and CM don't have the best of relationships!

All else is going well...Little Man continues to add words at rapid speed! It's so fun. Yesterday he said "Star Wars" LOL! Ahhh.....4 males who love Star Wars to one momma who's not such a fan-LOL! I know way more than I ever expected I would!

The beach!!

This was Little Man's first trip to the beach!!! He had so much fun running all over the place chasing seagulls, getting knocked over by waves, and eating sand! LOL! Whew...taking 3 littles one to the beach is a lot of work, but they all had a GREAT time!!!

One step closer!

As you are aware we have a new FDS. She literally threw together our homestudy (her very FIRST one!) and took it directly to our county agency. I was definitely expecting kickbacks or some sort of something that needed clarification or changing. I got news today that we once again have a homestudy with ZERO kick-backs!!!! :-) YAY!!!! One step closer to re-licensure!! We just have to go to the state yet and we should here back from them in a week or so (hopefully!!)

Little Man has been soooooo crabby this week and has been waking up at night (he usually sleeps through the night) and hasn't been eating his usual cow everyday-LOL! I took him to the Dr. yesterday thinking that he definitely had an ear or sinus infection. Yep...sinus infection. Thank you Lord for antibiotics!!! I think Mr. A has one as well. He goes on Monday!