Monday, October 29, 2012

Question for YOU!

The past two times Baby has come back from his weekend visits with aunt/uncle he is very aggressive!  He screams the entire way home and then continues to scream off and on until bedtime.  He throws toys, hits (with toys and his hands), as well as biting and when he doesn't get his way he bangs his head on the floor!  He's been seeing these people since March.  Previously he would just be extra clingy upon his return, but recently it's been escalating.

My question is for those of you have had a foster child for a long time....have you seen that as your child gets older and realizes the situation for what is it, that his/her behavior upon return got worse over time? Even if he was familiar with the people?  I think that he's able to realize his emotions more now and those infamous "big feelings" are rearing their ugly heads and this is the result.  I have everything documented with our social worker and the GAL and I guess we just try to help him the best we can putting words to those big feelings.


CherubMamma said...

I'm nodding my head as big as I can reading this post.

Dude and Dolly (ages 3 & 5) have been in Care for 16 months now. Behaviors during and following visits are escalating – especially with Dude, the younger of the two. He's very, very attached to me and does not want to be doing these visits. Granted, he separates OK when it's time. But he's becoming more and more aware of what is going on and he doesn't like it one bit.

Both Dude and Dolly are needing more and more validation ALL. THE. TIME. too! Little things - like nonsense questions they want me to agree with them on. For example, I'll say, "I'm going to the store Dolly, I'll be right back." I'll give her a kiss and start out the door. She'll look at me and say, "OK Mommy. You going to the store? You be right back?" She genuinely needs me to confirm again what I'm doing and that yes, I will be back.

These nonsense questions are popping up all over the place. We drive past an orange grove and they have to ask about it. Go one city block and they see another one on the other side of the road...the exact same conversation starts all over again. "Mommy, those are orange trees?" They know the answers to their questions but they need me to validate them over and over and over.

To me, it looks like the beginnings of attachment disorder. Regression. Nonsense chattering and questions. Deeper sadness. etc. etc.

The only problem in my case - their social worker could not care any less. Literally. She doesn't care one bit! And the GAL - I'm going to have to force conversation with her as she's only met the children once...5 minutes before she defended them in court last time. Absolutely no contact following court.

Our Journey said...

I am in the same boat with you as far case workers who couldn't care less! Thankfully he has a GAL who is madly in love with him and has fought so hard for him! So far so good. I have documented everything to her and I know that in court next week she'll fight to get the visits back to just day visits. I'm not sure how he would react to that tho...probably the same. Of course it didn't help bedtime at all last night because Uncle forgot to put Baby's FAVORITE puppy back in his bag. Poor thing woke up crying for it several times last night. :(

StarfishMom said...

Not sure how old Baby is BUT I would call the GAL IMMEDIATELY!!! Let him/her know that Baby is severely acting out when he's home from these visits. My FD was 18 months old when we transitioned her to her new adoptive home. They were SO caring and patient with her. They didn't rush her. I saw little to no adjustment. I stayed with her and the new family for the first 2 visits. Then I dropped her off and stayed until she was settled. When she was home she did fine. His reaction makes me wonder what's going on there that he's being SO aggressive. xoxo Call the case worker AND the GAL right now!!!