Holidays and birthparents

It's pretty much clockwork...something about the holidays just screams "FAMILY" and that includes biological parents and the children who have been placed for adoption.  In the past 2 days I have heard from 2 of the 4 bio-parents.  The other 2 are well...1 is unknown (international adoption) and the other no longer have our contact info by their choice.

Our first son's bio-parents are very loving toward our family and commend and thank us pretty much in every email for the past 9+ yrs that we are amazing parents and we are giving our children (especially their bio-child) a wonderful life.  I of course updated them and sent a slew of pictures :)  They are special because they love ALL our kids...not just Andrew! 

Michael's birth mom (if you have followed this blog for that long) has had a rollercoaster ride of a life.  We do not have the same relationship with her as we do with Andrew's bio-parents.  We limit contact with her to email/snail mail.   She recently finally stopped signing her emails "Mommy loves you!"  Michael was adopted close to 3 years ago.  In her eyes of course she will always be his mommy.  In her most recent email she asked me if we still show him the pictures she sends and if he remembers her. 

Here is where it got a bit slippery for me...."A" has some mental health issues and when she is on her meds things are great and she is able to think straight.  When she is not....well....let's just say she can be really mean.  So....to answer her questions I told her of course I still show him pictures from time to time.  She recently sent pics of Michael's full bio-brother and  Michael's comment was "look it's me when I was a baby!"  Yes, they look VERY much alike.  Their bio-sister (in between them) looks like a female Michael too!!  I told her that we call her his "tummy mommy" and he knows her name.  I then said that he was very young when she left and I don't think he has any real memories of her, but I added "maybe as he gets older some memories will surface." 

I awaited the response....I would be able to tell if she was on her meds or not by her response.  I was pleasantly surprised when I read that she was so excited that we shared the pictures and to tell him that his "tummy mommy" loves him and misses him.  She thanked me for the pictures I sent as well and said she hopes that one day he will remember his blood family.  WHEW!  Meds to the rescue!  She also mentioned that she frequently reads the Bible that we sent her last Christmas :)  That part warmed my heart! 

Being an adoptive parent isn't always easy.  We have to do things as parents that most don't even dream about having to tackle.  Just to sit down and think about bio-siblings (I *think* that altogether there are at least 13 that I know about in 2 countries and 5 states) can be overwhelming!  Communicating with bio-families can be tricky and also a huge blessing!  It's just a different road :)  I am blessed beyond measure to be an adoptive and foster parent.  It's not always easy, but it's SO worth it!!!

Tired of waiting so....

It's funny how several things now  in this foster care journey with Choo Choo over the past year have been "oh I'll wait until we have a decision."  First, I wanted to wait on the paci.  I thought it was a comfort item for him and good to have with all the back and forth.  Finally he bit a hole in the last one and that was it!  Okay..no more waiting.  Time to get rid of paci!  He's done fine without it and the transition was easier than I expected.

Next came potty training.  This was one area that I didn't want to put a lot of hard work into and then have him regress with  "the" possible decision and again with all the back and forth and inconsistency with aunt/uncle I wasn't going to push it till we knew for sure where he would be living.  Well, smack my forehead...he trained himself several months back and other than an accident to clean up now and again he's doing great!  He even stays dry at naps/nighttime :)

Last week we approached our latest crossroad.  The crib!  He has been fully able to climb out of his crib for a long time, but never did unless I told him to get up (like in the morning).  It was working well for me, except that he is getting so tall and really is outgrowing it.  He likes to turn side-ways in it so he was super cramped and I was getting sick of waking up at 2am to him wailing because his leg was caught.  Yesterday I decided that it was time to put the mattress on the floor and start the transition to a big boy bed! 

I was very nervous as I laid him down to bed last night because he and Michael can be very troublesome together.  They love to stay up and talk to each other so I naturally thought that Choo Choo would get up and play with Michael.  I WAS WRONG!  :)  I happily say those words!  I think it was too dark and he was afraid to get out  of the bed so within minutes he was fast asleep!!  I am not sure this will continue once he gets comfortable, but I am sure praying it does!

At naptime today he didn't want to sleep in the pack-n-play for nap (they must be split up in daylight!)...he wanted his bed!  He laid down more peacefully than he has in a long time and went right to sleep.  THANK YOU JESUS!

Each step I was 'afraid' or had reservations, but with each step it was done with total ease :)  If/When he becomes our son I sure hope this trend continues!!! 

35 days till court.....not like I'm counting or anything!!!

One step forward...another step back

So.....I FINALLY got a court date about 1 1/2 weeks ago!  It was all set for December 10th.  The GAL sent me the email and I was waiting to see how long it would take for the CM to tell me.  On Monday, over  a week later I decided to text her.  She said that although we had a hearing set for Dec. 10th, the judge and state met and the judge decided to postpone it until Jan. 2nd!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have been waiting for a court date for almost 3 months.  Now, by the time it happens it will be over 4 months.  NOTHING has changed in this case since September (when the bonding assessment was completed) and I have NO idea why the judge wants to postpone this AGAIN.

I posted this info on FB yesterday and I got lots of comments like "well at least you have him for Christmas."  Now, I LOVE everyone who commented, but I have to admit that I did not accept some comments in the manner in which I am sure they were intended.  After getting the news of yet another delay I was in pure flesh mode!  I was angry for my boy who doesn't deserve to be a foster child not one second longer when there have been 2 possible adoptive placements for TWO YEARS!!  I was angry that my family has to continue with the "what if" game.  I was even angry for the aunt/uncle whom this is not fair to either. I wanted someone to get angry with me!  (ok...a few of did with me. Thx! :) ).  It's just so clear that permanency isn't the goal (and the child the priority) or this would have been settled a LONG time ago!!  Unless you have personally endured the ups and downs of foster care I don't think one can truly understand.  We have raised this child for (almost) 3 years, seen so many firsts, stayed up nights, kissed every boo-boo, endured anger/rages because of emotional insecurity after visits, laughed as he entertained us with his antics, and the list goes on. Each and every day, week, month and year that passes is so hard on him, us, and our entire family....not knowing.   So yesterday's delay was just one.more.thing. 

After having an absolutely rotten day yesterday because of children who are sick/just plain grumpy, this news and few other things going on, I just wanted to sulk.  THANK GOD for friends, family, and other encouragers sent to me yesterday to get me out of my funk.  Today I awoke with His mercies ever new and I am grateful that I serve a God who still loves me even though I still have my adult-sized temper tantrums here and there. 

SO...January 2nd will make exactly THIRTY-FIVE MONTHS in foster care.  NO child deserves to be the system this long.  Think about that....where were you in your life 35 months ago.  How much has changed?  A LOT has changed for us! I know God's timing is best, but sometimes it's just so hard to accept.  I am praising God that He loves Choo Choo even more than we do, He placed him in a safe family that loves him through the good, bad, and downright ugly, as well as extended family who love him too.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 

I have to admit that this Christmas season already seems "tainted."  That I won't be "full-on" in Christmas cheer knowing that this court date is on the other side, but am really going to try to be positive and not let what "could be" crowd out "what is." 

Funny

I was brushing my teeth today and Choo Choo walks in and starts rummaging through my makeup drawer.  He picked up a eyeliner pencil and said "Mom, will you color my eyeballs?!!"  LOL! 

I got a text early this morning and only two people text me that early...my mother and the case manager!  I got a hopeful feeling that this was *it* but was sadly disappointed when it read "we are still awaiting a court date.  When can I come see {Choo Choo}?"  :(

My sister has been sending me pictures and brief updates of the weeks of "stuff" I've been missing on Facebook.  At the rate this case is going I think I will have to spend a week just catching up on all my favorite people's pages!  Being a SAHM, sometimes FB is that way of staying sane on crazy days and connected to other adults.  I will admit I fully miss that part, but a piece of me is actually quite content not hopping on "just to see what everyone is up to."  It has been a couple of weeks now and it's somewhat freeing as well :)  So...if you have sent me a message, posted on my wall, or expected a comment from me, I will try to get back with you whenever I get back on....OR....feel free to email me and I'll get back with you much sooner! 

STILL nothing :(

So I decided 2 weeks ago that I would fast (from FB) and pray (MORE) for a court date for Choo Choo.  This is NUTS!  We are going on week 3....the ONLY thing that has happened is that a week ago Friday (Oct 26th) the bonding assessment was FILED (yes 2 months after being completed) to the court.  I was fully expecting a court date last week.  It MUST happen this week right??????

Choo Choo went on a visit to aunt/uncle this past weekend.  Each time it is getting harder and harder.  He's getting older and understands more.  I am seeing the anger come through more and when I drop him off he's not crying, but he keeps asking "you gonna come get me right Momma?"  Ahhhh......

God's timing....God's will.....God's way......that's my mantra!  In the meantime we will continue to love on this boy :)