One step forward...another step back

So.....I FINALLY got a court date about 1 1/2 weeks ago!  It was all set for December 10th.  The GAL sent me the email and I was waiting to see how long it would take for the CM to tell me.  On Monday, over  a week later I decided to text her.  She said that although we had a hearing set for Dec. 10th, the judge and state met and the judge decided to postpone it until Jan. 2nd!!!!!!!!!!!!

We have been waiting for a court date for almost 3 months.  Now, by the time it happens it will be over 4 months.  NOTHING has changed in this case since September (when the bonding assessment was completed) and I have NO idea why the judge wants to postpone this AGAIN.

I posted this info on FB yesterday and I got lots of comments like "well at least you have him for Christmas."  Now, I LOVE everyone who commented, but I have to admit that I did not accept some comments in the manner in which I am sure they were intended.  After getting the news of yet another delay I was in pure flesh mode!  I was angry for my boy who doesn't deserve to be a foster child not one second longer when there have been 2 possible adoptive placements for TWO YEARS!!  I was angry that my family has to continue with the "what if" game.  I was even angry for the aunt/uncle whom this is not fair to either. I wanted someone to get angry with me!  (ok...a few of did with me. Thx! :) ).  It's just so clear that permanency isn't the goal (and the child the priority) or this would have been settled a LONG time ago!!  Unless you have personally endured the ups and downs of foster care I don't think one can truly understand.  We have raised this child for (almost) 3 years, seen so many firsts, stayed up nights, kissed every boo-boo, endured anger/rages because of emotional insecurity after visits, laughed as he entertained us with his antics, and the list goes on. Each and every day, week, month and year that passes is so hard on him, us, and our entire family....not knowing.   So yesterday's delay was just one.more.thing. 

After having an absolutely rotten day yesterday because of children who are sick/just plain grumpy, this news and few other things going on, I just wanted to sulk.  THANK GOD for friends, family, and other encouragers sent to me yesterday to get me out of my funk.  Today I awoke with His mercies ever new and I am grateful that I serve a God who still loves me even though I still have my adult-sized temper tantrums here and there. 

SO...January 2nd will make exactly THIRTY-FIVE MONTHS in foster care.  NO child deserves to be the system this long.  Think about that....where were you in your life 35 months ago.  How much has changed?  A LOT has changed for us! I know God's timing is best, but sometimes it's just so hard to accept.  I am praising God that He loves Choo Choo even more than we do, He placed him in a safe family that loves him through the good, bad, and downright ugly, as well as extended family who love him too.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 

I have to admit that this Christmas season already seems "tainted."  That I won't be "full-on" in Christmas cheer knowing that this court date is on the other side, but am really going to try to be positive and not let what "could be" crowd out "what is."