Friday, January 3, 2014

Court...the 2nd day

We were the first case to be called as promised yesterday.  After we were all sworn in our lawyer said that the GAL would be first to testify, then hubby and finally me.  Ahhh...I was all prepared to go first.  Oh well.  The GAL and hubby testified for only about 5 minutes and then I was called in.

The testimony part actually went really well.  I answered all the questions from the heart and the atty seemed very positive that things would go well.  On cross examination the first question the state asked me was "When {Choo Choo} arrived at your home you understood the role of a foster parent and that the main goal is reunification?"  Whew....I almost went off on her.  DUH...of course we understood that....but that was THREE years and lots of drama ago!!!  After that we were all brought back in to hear the closing arguments.  The State's case rested in them being biological family.  Our lawyer made some incredible points and I really thought we had this clinched!

The judge then said that this is the hardest kind of case to rule on.  There are 4 people here who love one child very much and she was going to hurt someone very badly.  She said these kinds of cases will "stick with her" for many years to come.  She then went into the details and it pretty much hinged on the expert testimony that was given yesterday by the psychologist.  Her statement was that 3 things are pertinent here...1) attachment (the MOST important) 2) kinship and 3) permanency.
It was almost like a point system here ...home vs. the away team!  The Dr. stated that permanency could go either way...point for each of us.  Kinship goes to the aunt/uncle obviously...point them.  It came down to attachment.  I was thinking the whole time that we have this because it's the most important!!  The judge then quoted a statement from the Dr.'s report that said that he definitely was more attached to us but due to the bond that is already established with aunt/uncle that a healthy attachment could be formed.

After that she dropped the ball....Choo Choo is going to live with aunt/uncle.
 She then went on to say that she wants this to be a slow transition.  This poor child will start by seeing them every weekend for a month.  The judge said the following is her recommendation but she wants the state to confer with a therapist to determine what will actually happen. Then for the 2nd month he has to go there every weekend and attend daycare 1/2 day every day.  This child has never spent one day in daycare.  Yep...that must be better! Excuse the cynicism...it's alive and well today!  Then the third month is visit every weekend and go to daycare all day 5 days a week.  And then finally a full transition.  I'm not sure who they think will be driving him to daycare everyday, because it's not going to be me! 

While we are grateful it will be gradual for him this is going to be torture for my family and especially my kids.  The judge "suggested" the aunt/uncle that they remain in contact with us for Choo Choo's sake, but I have a feeling that simply won't be happening.

I managed to keep it together while in the courtroom, but zipped out quickly and headed for the bathroom.  I locked myself in a stall and began to bawl.  The lawyer chased me down and as I came out I saw she was bawling herself.  She has been fighting for my little boy for 3 years too.  Her tears were real and so genuine that I was touched.  She said that she knows I am a woman of faith and she is too and that she had spent a lot of time in prayer with Jesus over this case.  We cried, we hugged and finally got ourselves together enough to exit the bathroom.

I was in total shock....I couldn't find words.  It was a quiet ride home.  I'm going to Costco later to buy the super huge thing of tissues.  This is gonna be a long 3-4 months.  My poor hubby is so sweet....he's going to have a wet shoulder a lot! My tears are not of anger....my tears are of pure and genuine sadness.  God has a plan for Choo Choo's life and apparently we are only a small picture in that plan, but I rest in knowing that we have given him a good and firm foundation on which to build.  The Lord gave me Job 1:21 about 1.5 months back but I just didn't want to accept it.  My heart hoped He meant something else.  He didn't.....


Please read this link now....http://www.ourfostercarejourney.blogspot.com/2014/01/a-bit-more.html

7 comments:

stephanie said...

I will continue to lift your family up In prayer!

Melanie said...

Crying with you and praying for all of you! Melanie Lewis

Melanie said...

Crying with you and praying for all of you!
Melanie Lewis

Carrie said...

So so sorry. Transitions are brutal. Praying for you, your children, and Choo Choo. God will uphold you.

Dawn Wright said...

Melissa there are just no words....no words that can change anything or take away the hurt in your heart! I happened to see your post on FB when I was in therapy with Michael and I had to excuse myself......I went outside to bawl as well....knowing that your love that was NOT wasted on this little boy....was hurting your whole family, and will soon rock his world.

Our children have cried and asked why.....man I can hardly tell them without breaking out into a rant. They get it- they truly do. We were repeatedly told our babes would leave our home....and we had to walk the road of sending them to their bio family- but they never left. However as you know we have lost other children one to be with Jesus and one to another family. You know our story.

I know when we experienced those losses I wanted to LEAVE! To get away if only for a while!!! I wanted to try to forget the pain in my heart that was shouting out to me. KNOW THAT WE ARE PHYSICALLY and SPIRITUALLY HERE FOR YOU!!!!!

WE WILL DO ALL IN OUR POWER TO HELP PRAY YOU THROUGH THIS, but if you NEED ANYTHING! I MEAN ANYTHING PLEASE LET US KNOW!!!!!! Our family loves yours with a bond that runs deep. I loved watching our kiddos play together today. Praying and waiting.....

With deep love, admiration, and prayer........

Unknown said...

I don't understand the daycare thing. Why transition him to daycare and a new place to live? It is not right I hope they do not agree to the daycare. Being in daycare all day with the wrong people and transitioning to a new home can really hurt a child emotionally. I know daycare can be good I worked in one for ten years but in this situation it is not the best thing. Why not just transition him to Aunt and Uncle. Also he will have to leave daycare once he is with them full time another heart ache for him. Hugs and prayers, I know you loved him with your whole heart and he will always know that. He is gods child on loan he doesn't belong to aunt and uncle either.

I seen a saying online once and I totally believe it "Love them enough to let them go, so that one day they can come back"

My Mom has done foster care for twenty plus years the most important ones always come back because they crave the love that they got in our home.

Unknown said...

I don't understand the daycare thing. Why transition him to daycare and a new place to live? It is not right I hope they do not agree to the daycare. Being in daycare all day with the wrong people and transitioning to a new home can really hurt a child emotionally. I know daycare can be good I worked in one for ten years but in this situation it is not the best thing. Why not just transition him to Aunt and Uncle. Also he will have to leave daycare once he is with them full time another heart ache for him. Hugs and prayers, I know you loved him with your whole heart and he will always know that. He is gods child on loan he doesn't belong to aunt and uncle either.

I seen a saying online once and I totally believe it "Love them enough to let them go, so that one day they can come back"

My Mom has done foster care for twenty plus years the most important ones always come back because they crave the love that they got in our home.