Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Phone call

This morning Isaac went ballistic over something so small and I knew that something was bothering him.  If one of the other kids did this...ehhh...but with Isaac I knew something was bothering him.  I let him calm himself down and then asked if he wanted to talk about anything.  He said no.  About a minute later he came over to where I was and said he missed Choo Choo and that he had a dream about him last night.  I asked what happened in the dream and he said that everyone was there and Uncle said he didn't want Choo Choo to see us again.  He started crying a bit and said he was afraid he'd never see Choo Choo again.

I have been able to talk to Choo Choo twice now (but not the kids) and we have gotten pictures.  I asked him how he felt about calling Choo Choo when he got home from daycare.  Isaac's mood lightened and he said he'd like that a lot.

I texted uncle to ask him if that was ok and Choo Choo called me instead :)  It is both an upper and a downer to talk to him on the phone.  It's so comforting to hear his voice but then at the same time he just isn't himself.  You can tell  he's soooooo sad when he talks to me (although I have been reassured that he is happy too and he is dealing with things appropriately). 

This evening I called again and the kids, hubby and I spoke to him.  The kids were so excited but they didn't get our "Choo Choo" on the phone.  They got a sad little boy.  Isaac got off the phone and said "that doesn't sound at all like Choo Choo"  I hadn't told him anything about my calls.  My Mom can attest that that boy LOVES to talk on the phone, but these calls are different.  These calls are painful and healing all at the same time.  His answers are "yes, no" or "ok" for most things.  If we say that we miss him or love him he will reply with the same thing. 

I really pray that we can work a visit out soon.  My kids need the closure and Choo Choo certainly needs to know that he will continue to see us and be a part of his life.  I asked Uncle about a visit but...ya know.   We will see when this all actually happens.  I may be in his area for an event soon, so maybe I'll ask if I can drop by and it doesn't have to be anything formal at all....I really want to give  him his lifebook and presents and especially a HUGE HUG!!! 

I am so grateful that Uncle/Aunt are keeping in contact with us and that Choo Choo has at least heard everyone's voice and knows that we still love and care about  him and haven't totally disappeared!


Dawn Wright said...

So very hard! Praying, for healing on all sides.....

Christina said...

I ended up finding your blog through Facebook and read it from beginning to end in the past couple of weeks. I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your family as you heal. I read and read because as a foster parent who hasn't been through the kind of goodbye you went through, I wanted to see what it was really like. What I didn't expect was to be so inspired by your words of faith that kept you going even when things were infuriating. Thank you for sharing your stories.