I planned to drop Baby off for his weekend visit with his aunt/uncle this morning and surprisingly the Aunt was actually there. We chit-chatted for a moment and then Uncle opened a can of worms for the Aunt and off she went! She vented for 20 min. about every thing on this case from the course it has taken, to the CM, to the GAL she hates and how she feels like their family is on trial.
She broke down and cried at one point saying that she thought that the case was not going in their favor and Baby would have a "family" and 25 more members across the city that he would never know about. WHAT??? I told her that what her husband said goes for us as well. IF we were to get to adopt Baby (which I don't think will happen) he will still know who they are and have connections with them. I told her that either way he will always have two families...she didn't like that I called us his family. I could see it in her eyes. Her rant (which included throwing her husband under the bus in front of him..several times) included "her version" of events of the past (almost) 2 years. I did a lot of listening and very little talking. I'm not judging them, but at the same time I am not feeling sorry for them either. We all make our own choices.
I don't know how this case will end....I really don't! I think Baby's going to live there. She thinks Baby is going to live here. Court has been rescheduled AGAIN for Oct 17th. Aunt said today "I just want this to be over with!" OH MY....she has no idea....I've been "doing" this case for 20 months....I'M READY!!!!!!!
Sharing the life experience of becoming foster parents to the least of these!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Ready to scream!
I got an email (on an already tough morning) that our court date for Baby of Oct 1st is getting rescheduled!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can you hear me screaming in frustration?????????? The first hearing was supposed to be in Aug. We are now probably looking at the end of Oct (no official date given to me yet). At this rate the kid's gonna be 10 before he has permanency! Sheesh!!!!!!!!! Seriously tho...my baby is almost 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want this over with....I know I have to look for what God could be doing in these delays, but it's hard....oh so hard!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
I'm different
We are quickly approaching 3 years as foster parents! Gosh it seems like so much longer than that-lol! I have been thinking back to the person I was 3 years ago and have realized just how different I was....
3 years ago I had rose-colored glasses on to the harsh reality of those living very near to me. Drugs, prostitution, physical abuse, domestic violence....I'd been shielded and separated from those things. I've learned people do desperate things in desperate times. People have good intentions but life circumstances and in some cases selfish desires become more important than their children.
I'm different.
3 years ago it was my hubby and 2 sons. We drove a regular size car and lived a quiet life. We now have 4 children (completed another adoption), a minivan (and considering something larger), caseworkers and GAL's calling/visiting, court, staffings and family visitations.
I'm different.
3 years ago I truly thought that we would have MANY placements in a short amount of time. We've had a total of 4 placements. One was Michael at over 2 yrs, Baby 19 months (and counting), Squirt for 5 weeks, and Bean for 2 weeks.
I'm different.
3 years ago I thought most of our (many) cases would end in reunification. Fact is that so far NONE of them have ended that way. :(
I'm different.
3 years ago I loved the Lord, had committed my life to Him and was living for Him. Now I have learned a WHOLE NEW dependence on Him DAILY! I have learned what it means to be at peace even though it means I may be hurt. I have learned what it truly means to sacrifice for another human being. I have gone deeper in prayer for those in our foster care system and those who are working on behalf of all the innocent children caught up in their parent's mess. I have increased my faith in Him and that He is who He says He is and I am who He says I am in Him!
I'm different. Some good, some not so good, some darn right HARD, but God has stretched me, changed me, and loved me in a way where I could never go back to what I was.
3 years ago I had rose-colored glasses on to the harsh reality of those living very near to me. Drugs, prostitution, physical abuse, domestic violence....I'd been shielded and separated from those things. I've learned people do desperate things in desperate times. People have good intentions but life circumstances and in some cases selfish desires become more important than their children.
I'm different.
3 years ago it was my hubby and 2 sons. We drove a regular size car and lived a quiet life. We now have 4 children (completed another adoption), a minivan (and considering something larger), caseworkers and GAL's calling/visiting, court, staffings and family visitations.
I'm different.
3 years ago I truly thought that we would have MANY placements in a short amount of time. We've had a total of 4 placements. One was Michael at over 2 yrs, Baby 19 months (and counting), Squirt for 5 weeks, and Bean for 2 weeks.
I'm different.
3 years ago I thought most of our (many) cases would end in reunification. Fact is that so far NONE of them have ended that way. :(
I'm different.
3 years ago I loved the Lord, had committed my life to Him and was living for Him. Now I have learned a WHOLE NEW dependence on Him DAILY! I have learned what it means to be at peace even though it means I may be hurt. I have learned what it truly means to sacrifice for another human being. I have gone deeper in prayer for those in our foster care system and those who are working on behalf of all the innocent children caught up in their parent's mess. I have increased my faith in Him and that He is who He says He is and I am who He says I am in Him!
I'm different. Some good, some not so good, some darn right HARD, but God has stretched me, changed me, and loved me in a way where I could never go back to what I was.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Staffing summary
Uncle and I arrived at the same time today to the staffing. Uncle had kept Baby through today and we had planned on just meeting at the staffing and I would take Baby from there. Baby saw me drive in and noticed my car right away. He got all excited and pointed for me. :)
The staffing was a waste of time! The CM and GAL were not there, so it was just the permanency specialist, the CM's supervisor, Uncle, Baby and myself. Of course everyone there was for Baby going to the Uncle's and this was all a formality because the CM got called out in court on it.
Uncle did stop to say that he was very appreciative of all the my husband and I have done and recognized Matt and I as Baby's parents and the people who had such an influence in his life. He went on to say that he wants us to remain a part of Baby's life after he leaves (if). He said that he wants us to be Baby's Godparents, have weekend visits (like they do now), and be there for special things in his life (his example was Kindergarten graduation).
Yesterday I was missing my baby so I texted Uncle to tell Baby that I missed him and to give him kisses from me. He then texted me 4 different pictures of what Baby was doing right then :) I pray that he means the words he has said and that we do get to remain a part of his life. That would make this infinitely easier knowing that we do have to say goodbye that it wouldn't be forever! I think that will help our kids as well :)
I don't understand it all...why we've had to go through what we have with this case, why they didn't take him earlier, why so many delays, and the list goes on! BUT GOD....He has a plan for Baby and his future and whether we are his legal parents or "just" the people who raised him for the first 1 1/2 yrs of his life we will get to see "our" baby grow up and hopefully have a strong influence in bringing him to the Lord...the most important part!!! :)
The staffing was a waste of time! The CM and GAL were not there, so it was just the permanency specialist, the CM's supervisor, Uncle, Baby and myself. Of course everyone there was for Baby going to the Uncle's and this was all a formality because the CM got called out in court on it.
Uncle did stop to say that he was very appreciative of all the my husband and I have done and recognized Matt and I as Baby's parents and the people who had such an influence in his life. He went on to say that he wants us to remain a part of Baby's life after he leaves (if). He said that he wants us to be Baby's Godparents, have weekend visits (like they do now), and be there for special things in his life (his example was Kindergarten graduation).
Yesterday I was missing my baby so I texted Uncle to tell Baby that I missed him and to give him kisses from me. He then texted me 4 different pictures of what Baby was doing right then :) I pray that he means the words he has said and that we do get to remain a part of his life. That would make this infinitely easier knowing that we do have to say goodbye that it wouldn't be forever! I think that will help our kids as well :)
I don't understand it all...why we've had to go through what we have with this case, why they didn't take him earlier, why so many delays, and the list goes on! BUT GOD....He has a plan for Baby and his future and whether we are his legal parents or "just" the people who raised him for the first 1 1/2 yrs of his life we will get to see "our" baby grow up and hopefully have a strong influence in bringing him to the Lord...the most important part!!! :)
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Names
Do any of you ever dream about what you would name your foster child should you get to adopt them??? I have had a name for Baby stuck in my head since he was very small. His current name (both first and middle) are names that do not reflect what we think about Baby at all. Ok...his middle name is so off the wall and it means "a slender man." Personally we believe that name meanings are very significant! With Baby's stature this could be very true of him, who cares...we can see the physical with our eyes, I want something more significant!
Like I said, I have had a first name in my head for well over a year a now. Hubby agrees and I may have slipped it to a couple of friends recently, but the middle name is still to be determined SHOULD WE GET TO ADOPT BABY!!! Let me tell you...those words give me chills. Up until yesterday I thought our opportunity to permanently add him to our family was gone. I had come to terms with that....BUT GOD seems to possibly have other plans for our Baby!
Don't worry, I'm not a delusional woman! I know full well that the judge could totally still decide that Baby be placed with his aunt/uncle, but there is HOPE and with hope comes my dreams of one day calling my Baby by the name that we believe is more fitting of our sweet boy!
Now...off to dream of a middle name for our little champ! :)
Like I said, I have had a first name in my head for well over a year a now. Hubby agrees and I may have slipped it to a couple of friends recently, but the middle name is still to be determined SHOULD WE GET TO ADOPT BABY!!! Let me tell you...those words give me chills. Up until yesterday I thought our opportunity to permanently add him to our family was gone. I had come to terms with that....BUT GOD seems to possibly have other plans for our Baby!
Don't worry, I'm not a delusional woman! I know full well that the judge could totally still decide that Baby be placed with his aunt/uncle, but there is HOPE and with hope comes my dreams of one day calling my Baby by the name that we believe is more fitting of our sweet boy!
Now...off to dream of a middle name for our little champ! :)
A bit more...
If you remember, back in June it was mandated by the judge that should Dad miss or have any more (+/abnormal) drug screens that he have a substance abuse evaluation. Well, he has. The CM told him about the need for an evaluation but didn't give him an official referral form. He told her that he would not be doing the evaluation because he felt like he didn't need to. This all makes the possibility of a TPR a bit more possible should the judge choose to not change his placement. If she decides to go ahead and change the placement anyway, the plan is PG, but they are also open to adoption, so I am not sure what would happen at that point.
Continued prayers for a miracle appreciated....I know they're working already!!!!!
Continued prayers for a miracle appreciated....I know they're working already!!!!!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Court results
Well, I guess it was a positive that our case was actually HEARD today :) It became very clear after the CM testified that this was not going to be quick and easy. The GAL's lawyer was there today and made the CM account for lots of things that were not completed and made it clear that the CM didn't really know her stuff.
The judge (who is very pro-family) commented that this child has been with us for a year and half and NOW the aunt/uncle are interested???? I was very happy to hear that. Uncle tried to chime in and was shut down very quickly. Oh...bio-Dad never showed up.
Next Uncle was called to the stand. That was surprise! The GAL's lawyer interrogated him and he was lost on dates and had no clue! He backpedaled about lies he has told and said that the person (who was not there) was lying. The GAL immediately asked for a continuance rebuttal against what the uncle just said. SIGH! She continued to ask questions.
Then I was called to the stand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was not told this would happen and certainly did not expect it. I was the only person to know all the details(thank you Holy Spirit!!)...when the original visits were, when they made contact with the CM again, when the visits started again, and when overnights started. I know the judge took note of that :)
SOOOOOOOOOOO......................we wait another 22 days till Oct 1st when the hearing will be continued. The aunt/uncle walked out FURIOUS that the judge wouldn't even listen to any of their banter and saying "if we are such bad parents then why do we have the other two?" I walked out FRUSTRATED and THRILLED all at once! I want a decision to made NOW but I will soak up any additional days with my Baby...that's for sure!!!!
The judge (who is very pro-family) commented that this child has been with us for a year and half and NOW the aunt/uncle are interested???? I was very happy to hear that. Uncle tried to chime in and was shut down very quickly. Oh...bio-Dad never showed up.
Next Uncle was called to the stand. That was surprise! The GAL's lawyer interrogated him and he was lost on dates and had no clue! He backpedaled about lies he has told and said that the person (who was not there) was lying. The GAL immediately asked for a continuance rebuttal against what the uncle just said. SIGH! She continued to ask questions.
Then I was called to the stand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was not told this would happen and certainly did not expect it. I was the only person to know all the details(thank you Holy Spirit!!)...when the original visits were, when they made contact with the CM again, when the visits started again, and when overnights started. I know the judge took note of that :)
SOOOOOOOOOOO......................we wait another 22 days till Oct 1st when the hearing will be continued. The aunt/uncle walked out FURIOUS that the judge wouldn't even listen to any of their banter and saying "if we are such bad parents then why do we have the other two?" I walked out FRUSTRATED and THRILLED all at once! I want a decision to made NOW but I will soak up any additional days with my Baby...that's for sure!!!!
Friday, September 7, 2012
As the day draws closer...
- every hug seems sweeter
- every word he speaks seems more adorable
- every time I put him to bed I hold on a little longer
- every dinner time when the floor is trashed makes me think how I will miss his messes
- every time he does a silly dance I try to burn it in my memory
- every time he whimpers in the night I secretly hope he'll need some extra cuddles
- every time he giggles and plays with his brothers I think how much they will miss each other
- every time I brush his teeth I wonder how many more teeth I will get to see pop through
- every picture I take I treasure more and more and wonder if I will get pictures of him in the future
- every 1 yr old tantrum bothers me less
- every cuddle he gives me I try to breathe him in as much as humanly possible not wanting to let go
- every smile melts my heart
Oh there is so much more....if you have ever had to say goodbye to a child whether a long-term foster child or perhaps your child was called Home, then you know what I mean. It's like living every day like it's your last....I guess we should live like that always huh?! :)
Surprise!
It's a BOY!!!!!!!!!!! Nope..not us :) I got an email from Michael's birth mom yesterday saying hello and asking what was going on around here. I wrote her back very casually. She responded with chit chat, then threw in a sentence something like this {yup I'm gonna have a baby in November it's a boy} and went on with more chit chat. Whoa whoa whoa!!!! What?
Sigh...her and birth dad are " in love and we will be together forever and ever!" It makes me sad how she thinks that this toxic violent relationship with a drug using dude is worth staying for :( This will be their 3rd child together. So far the other 2 are not with them. I am wondering how long this one will be with them??? I have contacted Michael's old GAL and she is talking to her supervisor to see if there is anything that needs to be done with this information (I think this is the reason "A" hasn't told me she is pregnant sooner). There is not an open CPS case so I am sure that they will be able to keep the baby, but I definitely think that with both their histories and involvement with CPS that they should be followed. They got pregnant soon before the finalization of Michael's adoption.....not by accident I am sure.
God has allowed this to happen for His purpose! I have to keep telling myself this!!! I am praying SO HARD for this little one because I have read the files, I know what has gone on in this family and it breaks my heart that another child would have to endure that kind of life. All the boys (she's had 3..one was a miscarriage) have "M" names. Wonder what this one will be??? Michael's bio-sister looks *exactly* like him so I am curious to see the baby. I bet it will give me a really good idea of what Michael looked like as a small infant :)
Sigh...her and birth dad are " in love and we will be together forever and ever!" It makes me sad how she thinks that this toxic violent relationship with a drug using dude is worth staying for :( This will be their 3rd child together. So far the other 2 are not with them. I am wondering how long this one will be with them??? I have contacted Michael's old GAL and she is talking to her supervisor to see if there is anything that needs to be done with this information (I think this is the reason "A" hasn't told me she is pregnant sooner). There is not an open CPS case so I am sure that they will be able to keep the baby, but I definitely think that with both their histories and involvement with CPS that they should be followed. They got pregnant soon before the finalization of Michael's adoption.....not by accident I am sure.
God has allowed this to happen for His purpose! I have to keep telling myself this!!! I am praying SO HARD for this little one because I have read the files, I know what has gone on in this family and it breaks my heart that another child would have to endure that kind of life. All the boys (she's had 3..one was a miscarriage) have "M" names. Wonder what this one will be??? Michael's bio-sister looks *exactly* like him so I am curious to see the baby. I bet it will give me a really good idea of what Michael looked like as a small infant :)
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Acorn anyone?
We were happily driving Isaac to speech today...all 4 kiddos in tow. We were 1/2 way there when I hear from the backseat "there's an acorn in my nose and I can't get it out!" Me:"WHAT???????" I tried everything I could think of to get that darn thing out!! Pepper, pushing from the top, clogging the other nostril and having him blow...nada! I ended up having to take Michael to the ER today where they were able to blow it out his nose with a lovely "pop" sound! He told the nurse to go ahead and give it back to the squirrel. Umm yeah...I don't think that squirrel wants a snot covered slimy acorn back! LOL!
This was his story.....
"Squirrels! TWO squirrels put da acorn in my nose Mom! They had a taste then put it in there to save it!"
So his story is that 2 rogue squirrels hitched a ride to speech class with us today. 1/2 way there these 2 squirrels tasted the acorn and decided to stick it up his nose to save it for later. Oye! We were in and out of the ER in 1 hour...it literally took 1 second for the darn thing to pop out! I'm chuckling about it now, but I have a STRONG feeling that I will frequent the ER with this child more than any other! So far he's winning with 3 trips. Baby has 2, Isaac has 2, and Andrew has 0! :)
This was his story.....
"Squirrels! TWO squirrels put da acorn in my nose Mom! They had a taste then put it in there to save it!"
So his story is that 2 rogue squirrels hitched a ride to speech class with us today. 1/2 way there these 2 squirrels tasted the acorn and decided to stick it up his nose to save it for later. Oye! We were in and out of the ER in 1 hour...it literally took 1 second for the darn thing to pop out! I'm chuckling about it now, but I have a STRONG feeling that I will frequent the ER with this child more than any other! So far he's winning with 3 trips. Baby has 2, Isaac has 2, and Andrew has 0! :)
Sunday, September 2, 2012
God appointment
Yesterday was Isaac's first tumbling class! He is not our most graceful child and we are hoping that working on balance and some more physical activity will be good for him! I was sitting there with Andrew and Michael (Baby is on a weekend visit) and there was a woman sitting next to me. He daughter was in the class as well.
Over the course of the class she began asking me questions...lots of questions! She originally started with talking about her desire to have another biological child. Over the course of the conversation she kept remarking how well-behaved my children were (thank you Jesus!) and how beautiful they are etc. By the end of our time together she had a WHOLE NEW view of foster care/adoption, what it means/looks like to be a foster/adoptive parent and a desire to talk to her husband about this possibility in the future for their family!!! :-)
This has happened many times in our 3 years as foster parents and I love how God uses our regular family, doing regular things, to do mighty things for His Kingdom :) Praying for her, her husband's heart and *hopefully* the children that will enter their home in the future!
Over the course of the class she began asking me questions...lots of questions! She originally started with talking about her desire to have another biological child. Over the course of the conversation she kept remarking how well-behaved my children were (thank you Jesus!) and how beautiful they are etc. By the end of our time together she had a WHOLE NEW view of foster care/adoption, what it means/looks like to be a foster/adoptive parent and a desire to talk to her husband about this possibility in the future for their family!!! :-)
This has happened many times in our 3 years as foster parents and I love how God uses our regular family, doing regular things, to do mighty things for His Kingdom :) Praying for her, her husband's heart and *hopefully* the children that will enter their home in the future!
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