Respite placement

Friday evening baby girl arrived! The boys have been so sweet with her. My rough and tough boys have a special soft side for babies :) Even Little Man has been **excellent** with her! He wants to hold her (with my help of course!), feed her, and play with her. They think they are hot stuff when they get her to smile, coo and laugh! She seriously is the sweetest baby!! She is so easy going, fun, and she sleeps through the night! Now that's a total package :) We have been joking that we are going to tell her foster parents to keep driving on...we'll keep her!!! It's going to be tough to say goodbye! I know that might sound silly, but really! God has made the heart with an amazing capacity to LOVE... Opening our hearts is a choice...one we will gladly take even if it means saying goodbye.

Details...details....

Ahhhh....more details about LM's mom keep appearing and confirming more and more that the judge made the right decision (of course there was no doubt in my mind)! :) The only one I will share because I think it is so heartbreaking is the fact that when told what happened at court and that the next step was to take her parental rights to LM away she didn't even flinch...not even a little bit!!!!! I guess maybe she knew it was coming, but still!!! :( I don't dislike his birthmom/dad....I really feel sad for her (and dad)! They aren't appropriate parents right now that's for sure, but both of them have had a rough life. Both have learned behaviors/poor parenting skills from their own parents. Both were never taught what personal responsibility is. Neither learned independence skills. How can we expect them to all of the sudden be good parents????

I am excited to continue on this foster journey and daily I pray that our next placement (whenever that will be!) is going to be a happy reunion story! We didn't start fostering to adopt. We discussed in the very beginning that if the opportunity arose (like it is now!!) that of course we would say "yes" but the the intention was never adopt every child. That's not what foster care is about! I am excited to walk alongside a bio-parent who WANTS to get better and change her life. I want to see the happy story at the end where Mom (and Dad?) have really made an internal change and want to put their baby's needs/wants before theirs. I can't wait to see what God has planned for us next!!

On another note...yesterday I was talking to our FDS and she was asking about our profile. She said that it was noted that we only take BOYS! What??? I told her that it has never been that way and we have always been open to any gender/race. When she learned that she said that they are looking for respite for a child....so.....we we are going to do respite care for another foster family this weekend! It's a 2 month old baby GIRL!! The foster mom said she is the best baby ever and sleeps through the night, so I am excited about that! :) We'll see what the other kids think of her!

I was thinking the other day that when LM's adoption is finalized we will have one of each....(1) private/domestic (1) international and (1) foster care adoption :) Kinda neat!

Peace

It's a beautiful thing!!!!!!! For about the last month Little Man has not slept through the night. He would wake up crying and although he would easily (sometimes) go back to sleep with an easy "shhhhh" he was waking a good 4-6 times a night! On top of that he was SO CRABBY during the day. He would throw these horrible tantrums and scream so loud I thought my ear drums were going to rupture! I thought he was teething and cutting his molars (that still may be partially true). I didn't realize just how spiritual that was!

Since Monday's decision I have seen a totally different little boy than the last month! The past two nights he has slept through the night without so much as a peep! His days are so sweet again...he is happy, laughing and JOYful! The past almost 14 months have been such a spiritual battle! I know that the work isn't over yet, and there will be things to battle against at various points in his life, but for now...PEACE!

Something else that is different is that I am allowing myself to look into the future. I always kept my visions for his future short...like up to his 2nd birthday or whenever I thought he might have to leave. Now my mind is free to look far into the future and know that he's going to be a part of our family and a piece of those memories!

As part of the decision on Monday, Mom/Dad get to continue visitation if they give 24hours notice. That did not happen yesterday and so there will be no visit today. Their visits will continue (if they want them) until they are tpr'd.

Looking forward to a dramaless day :)

Staffing

Today LM's agency was planning a staffing to change the case goal from reunification to adoption...well as you all know that already happened!!!! Anyway, the staffing continued today and I was able to tell them emphatically that we want to adopt LM!!! They all thanked us for opening our home to LM and for adopting him. I didn't expect that at all and truly we are the blessed ones!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A friend asked me today how I felt...does it feel different?? Yesterday I was giddy happy! You couldn't wipe the smile off my face and I was just floating all night! This morning those feeling continued :) Then I went into LM's room to get him up. As is usual, I went in his room and we played this silly game where he pretends to hide under his blanket and then I find him and we both giggle. Once I picked him up he looked at me and said "Mornin' Mommy!" and it HIT ME!!! I have the honor of being his FOREVER MOMMY not just his temporary Mommy!!! A flood washed over me.....I didn't realize that my mind (in protection mode!) had left a part of my heart guarded. That part is now gone FOREVER as we look to the future!

I CANNOT wait to show you pictures of my sweet little angel!!!! You'll have to wait a bit longer though....

Mountains Moved!!!!!!!

When I arrived at court this afternoon I found out from our CM that the parents were not going to show. Apparently Mom's excuse was that she ate some bad hamburger meat and couldn't make it. Dad didn't have any excuse apparently. We continued with the JR anyway...it's only taken since OCTOBER!!

Everyone pretty much went in the same mindset and at the end the decision was to change the case goal from reunification to ADOPTION!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't get me wrong...this day is bittersweet in a way because I realize that his parents will be extremely sad and hurt when they hear the news. I am not minimizing their pain, but at the same time I am SOOOOOOOOOO happy that LM will get to remain a permanent part of our family!!!!

The TPR advisory is set for March 1st...exactly 15 months since the day we met him! If they show up (they probably are not going to based on all that has happened) then their rights will most likely be terminated right then and there. If they do show up the process will be longer and we will go to trial.

We just continue to walk this journey trusting that God's plan is perfect and LM is meant to be a member of this family FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freedom

We have court again today....the first thought in my head this morning when I woke up was "no more shackles, no more chains, no more bondage, I am FREE!!!!!!!" Praying for BIG things today :)

Great deal!

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Walk for Life

This Sunday is Sanctity of Life Sunday!!! Our whole family is going to participate in the "Walk for Life" that our local pregnancy center is sponsoring. I used to volunteer there till life got a bit crazy, but I really hope to return to counseling young women sometime soon! If you are interested in sponsoring our family (it's a set donation...not per mile) or if you are in the Tampa area and would like to walk with us, please email me at fostermommam@gmail.com and I can give you more details!!! We are excited to raise money for this free service to women. Your donation will help the center to continue to save lives...both physically and spiritually! If you want more info about the center you click HERE. EVERY life is fearfully and wonderfully made!

Attention

It doesn't matter where we go or what we are doing, LM attacts attention everywhere we go! He is such a cutie that people can't help but talk to him! At the Dr.'s office today he had the nurse cracking up repeating everything that she said; he had another nurse playing peek-a-boo with him and he said "hi" to every person that walked by! At Costco we got a few "not-nice" stares because in addition to be so darn cute...he's also so darn LOUD!! It wasn't all negative there though because my sweet sons were able to touch a woman's heart who has been interested in adoption! She has all daughters (home-grown) and wants to adopt a boy :) It was a pleasure to answer some of her questions and see the amazement in her eyes.

We get attention pretty much everywhere we go for one reason or another....either it's because we are a transracial family, we have all boys (oh if I got paid for every time I heard...'All boys???No girls???'), or the kids are acting up-lol! Noooooo...that last one never happens! Hee hee! It's just something that we have gotten used to and at the end of the day I only have to worry about how ONE thinks of me :) Did I please you today? Did I treat these angels the way You treat me? Did I treat the harsh stares with the love You would want me to? Thanks God for putting together this family ...only You could make us so unique and perfectly matched! Thank you!!

Flexibility

I really don't think you can be a foster parent if you are not a flexible person...seriously! This morning I called the transporter to see if I could push LM's visit back a 1/2 hour because I have to take my son to the Dr. and this office is notorious for being so ssslllllooooowwww! By pushing it back I was certain I could be home in time. I scheduled during his visit so that I would only have to take 2 instead of 3. The transporter said that it was no problem and after all of my flexibility with him no matter if it were impossible, the answer would be "yes"! That was nice to hear. Great!

FF to 1 hour before LM was to get picked up. The transporter calls and says Mom has cancelled for today but wants to reschedule for tomorrow morning. Ummm....sure :( Now...I have the lovely privilege of taking 3 children to the slowest Dr. in the world with the tiniest waiting room. Such fun! From there we will go to the pharmacy, Costco, and back home to make dinner etc. I am so exhausted! LM hasn't slept through the night for a week with these horrible molars :( Poor thing (even with meds) holds the side of his head and just cries at times. I know it's not an ear infection because the Dr. just looked at them. Hopefully they break through soon....unforetunately based on his teething history this could be awhile :(

WIC office

Today was back to the WIC office for recertification for LM. I was so glad to see that they not only changed the building but also the way they did things! I was in and out of there in less than an hour...for a full appt that is record setting from what I have experienced! lol! It's a bit quicker because he's foster and we don't have to do the financial stuff, etc, but the new process is so much more efficient. That makes me super happy!!! Today I got the comment "I wish more moms were like you. You are rare!" Why did I get such a wonderful compliment?? LOL!!! I feed my child fruits and vegetables EVERY day! (yes, sometimes the veggies are hidden in things like spaghetti sauce, but he gets them!) :) It's quite sad that most people don't give their child the best start possible nutritionally. It is the basis for healthy eating habits for the rest of their lives. Maybe America wouldn't be so obese huh? Then I was sitting in the lobby and saw the cutest baby. The Mom was speaking to another woman and I overheard that he was 3 months...awwww! Then she said that she fed him stage 2 baby foods and he was eating cornbread the other day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 3 months old!!!!!!!!!! WHAT????? At 3 months old he wears the same size diaper as LM! I think the education piece of WIC is missing. Of course maybe the women just will do whatever they want no matter what they know to be best, but maybe there needs to be a revamp there too!

Random thoughts on Little Man...

***His name for Winnie the Pooh is "Winnie Poop!"

***He has the highest pitched scream of any child I have ever known...it literally can shake your ear drum!

***He says lots of 1 and 2 word phrases but can also say 3 and 4 words together too

***He has the curliest little locks and he doesn't even mind when I have to comb them out. They get nappy FAST!

***Every morning when I go into his room he pretends he's sleeping and hides his face in his favorite blanket. When I pull it off he gives me the sweetest smile and then he pulls it back on his face to play again.

***Little Man loves his "brothers" and each morning when I bring him down he says "Mornin!" followed by each of their names then gives them a hug.

***He always wants to hold someone's hand whether he is in the stroller, walking or in the grocery cart. He'll say "hand..hand!" until you hold his hand :)

***He loves to climb and will do anything to get something he wants.

***He will eat anything in sight (except for veggies) and then ask for more!

***He and Mr. I share the same middle name (Mr. I actually has two)

***He calls Spiderman, Buzz Lightyear and Woody "Py ner nan!"

***The sweetest thing he says is "Mama, I wub woo!!!"

18 month check up

Little Man had his 18 month check up today :) She was really impressed with all his language and she said that he looks really good! He is still around the 50 %ile for height/weight and the 90%ile for head circ. !! LOL!!! The kid has a BIG head! Probably about 1/2 inch of that measurement is hair! Only one shot today, but you would think it was 10 based on his behavior!
I love Dr. visits that end positively like that....we had too many that ended in multiple pharmacy visits last year. So far this season has been so much better...praying it stays this way!

Anonymity

Recently there have been two situations in which birthparents have gained access to info about the foster parents. In one situation the birthmother is actually in foster care herself and after a visit the person transporting them brought the infant home first and the birthparent walked her up to the foster parents door! In the second case the birthparent (somehow???) found the foster parent's address and phone number and was constantly calling the foster parent at all hours of the day/night. Both situations just seem totally unacceptable to me! We are here to protect the children from these people that weren't taking care of them, yet they are gaining (or trying to) access to these children in unacceptable ways.

We learned yesterday that Little Man's dad was arrested. He has since been released (early this morning). At about the same time he was released I woke up from a horrible dream that he arrived on our doorstep demanding to see Little Man! In the dream Mr. M confronted him and he ended up getting punched, but stopped "D" until the police got there. In reality this really isn't a huge concern of mine seeing for how long we have had LM and nothing has happened and honestly I don't know if he cares enough to even come looking for LM. I guess looking at his scary mugshot got to my subconscious! lol!

Sad

I just had a visit with our LM's GAL and she said the the bio-mom admitted to her that she was "dirty" on a couple of occasions when recently asked to test. For many, many months she tested 2x's a week randomly and never came back dirty. It seems as though rather than getting better and moving forward, they are taking steps backward. It's so sad to see :( Hopelessness.... Self-medicating.... Almost homeless.... The greatest thing that I can do for them right now is PRAY! I can't see them getting their son back, but God can change their lives and I am praying that He does for their sake and so that LM has the opportunity to know who they are as he gets older and understands more. My heart truly is sad for the way they are living (and who they are living for)!

Blame

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I am re-reading the book called "Loving our kid's on purpose" which is an exceptional parenting book! Something struck me as I was reading today...it made me think of LM's mom.

"Blame is simply giving away the power to direct and change my life to someone else. When I blame someone, I have said 'I cannot change unless you change. I cannot forgive unless you change. I cannot love unless you change. I cannot be free unless you let me out of prison.' The habit of blame comes from believing that we are powerless in our relationship. It feels real to tell ourselves that we are not responsible for how we are behaving. We are not responsible because something or someone more powerful in my external world is more powerful that I am inside. Unwilling to live without power, people afraid of being controlled by other seek a way to control others. If I can be controlled, then other people can be controlled, and therefore I can control others. " (Danny Silk)

There is a lot of blame/control happening in this case and she seeks to control others because she herself is being controlled! It's powerful when the Holy Spirit makes you look at something from another perspective!

Latest tricks

Little Man has discovered that he can use other objects to get things he wants! His favorite things to flip over and stand on are the laundry basket, lego tubs, and riding toys (that one scares me! lol!) He reaches stuff of his brothers, turns lights on and off and and tries to climb over the gates! I truly think it's amazing that we haven't had a trip to the ER yet! Thank You Jesus for protection! LOL! This one demands constant attention!

Tonight I was changing his diaper and and he counted to 3 all by himself! Being the smallest of 3 has gotten him learning through osmosis!

The Dr. was impressed with his language skills today as well...when he turns the lights off (ya know while trying not to fall) it will go dark and he'll look at me and say "what apnened?" (what happened?) Too cute! He also likes to talk to strangers where ever we go saying "Hi! Ow are woo?" (how are you?)

He is a smart little spit fire! I am happy to report that he is using his words more and more and we are getting through this tantrum/screaming stage! Thank you Lord!

I hate sickness!

Little Man can't simply get a cold...nope it's a cold that turns into more! I ended up making an appt for him today just because of his history with asthma and this cold has been dragging on. I've given him a few treatments and although they help temporarily he's not getting better. Of course the only appt I could get for today was during his visit with his parents. I haven't heard back about if that will be rescheduled or simply cancelled for the week. I'm sure his mom isn't pleased, but his health needs to come first.

As I was journaling today I realized that today (the 5th) is also supposed to the day of the finalization of her divorce. That means NO money coming in for them and no way to pay the rent they are already so far behind on. No job prospects either (not so sure they are looking) :(

Website

All my foster momma friends....have you heard about www.ifoster.org? I have gotten a few really good deals through there and it's FREE. You only have to provide some very basic info so they can verify you are a foster parent and they you are privy to all the deals :) Go check it out!

One more....

You might be a foster mom if....

you take your child to the doctor and every personal/medical question they ask you is answered with "I have no idea!"

You might be a foster mom if...

I'm stealing this idea from some of my other foster mommy blogging friends!

You might be a foster mom if....

You always have a phone with just in case you get a call from placement

You know what the acronyms GAL, CM, FDS, & TPR mean

You change your plans often because a social worker has to get his/her visit in TODAY!

You ask your husband for another baby for Christmas...no other presents :)

You get crazy stares and comments because your family looks like the United Nations

You love a child the moment s/he comes into your home...even though you just met!

You have every size clothing in storage "just in case"

All your household cleansers and medicines are all locked up

You have more carseats than you do kids

You know that heartbreak can happen, but do it anyway!

You want to be "paper pregnant" and not really pregnant

You have to deal with people that make you want to scream, but do it anyway because you love the kid so much!

You have to get permission to get your kid's hair cut

You cringe over every bump and bruise because you will have to explain it someone

You know how incredibly crazy it all is and you still choose to do it all anyway!!!


I am so excited to see what God has planned for us this year....a GIRL???? Maybe God???? :-)

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year to all of you!!!!!!!!!!! We look forward in anticipation to what 2011 will bring! We were speaking with our 6 yo about the past year and what 2011 MAY bring and I asked him "what do you think about more foster babies? Do you think we'll have another one?" and his response was "well I sure hope so!" Ahhhh...I love it...an open heart :) I am so excited to see what God has planned for us this new year in all areas of our lives :)

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
Proverbs 19:21