Resurfacing

So I get a random text this evening from...yep, you guessed it...Mr Wonderful Uncle! I have heard nothing from him in 3 weeks and now he wants a visit again. OK...I'll play by the rules. I made sure to emphasize in my text back to him that I will still require he CONFIRM 24 hours in advance or I will assume the visit is cancelled. His response you ask? "Yep!" I will not be reminding him again that he needs a car seat, so if this thing finally does get off the ground I will be interested to see if he has one when we show up!

I am happy that Baby gets to see his siblings and get to know them again, but I am not really looking forward to the face-to-face with this guy.

So what's your guess...will he confirm and will the visit actually take place??? Hmmm.....

Time to kick the habit!

Baby has been a pacifier ( we call it paci) addict since he was born! That thing is ALWAYS attached to him and you are sorry if its not!

I know that babies develop strong attachments to objects between 12-15 months. He's almost 13 months old. It's time to kick this thing (well we are starting with daytime for now...this momma really likes her sleep!!) So...day one. He has not been doing so well. Lots of whining! He has this automatic reaction to reach down, pick it up and put it in his mouth. Several times today he has reached down and it's not there! He gives me this little panicked look and I redirect him to something else to get his mind off it!

Like I said...naps and nighttime will still be indulged until he gets used to the daytime without it. Then I'll wean naps and finally nighttime. I'm really dreading that one! I've never had a "paci kid" before! No one else liked them....guess I'm making up for lost time huh?

Organization

So after reading Cherub Mama's blog I decided to really get organized! Up until now I have had our kid's "yellow jackets" stuffed with paper (you can see if tucked in the back on the second photo). This is the folder that comes with them when they arrive into care. It has all the important stuff that I will need as a foster parent. Well...it's supposed to at least!!! If I needed something I had the general area, but then I had to thumb through everything. This will be much faster :-)

So I decided to take the binder route. If Baby does end up leaving then I can simply pull the info needed to move with him and that's that! The front of my binder has the custody letter that we get. Then I have an info sheet that lists his name, medicaid number (we STILL have never gotten a card for him or Little Man despite many attempts!), cm name/number, GAL name/number, Dr's/specialist's names/numbers and at the bottom a list of his current med.

After that sheet I have very basic dividers. I have a visit log, contact sheets, staffing paperwork, all physical/immunization forms, and medical records listed last (I include all hospital/specialist stuff here). In a page protector behind that I have all receipts for the clothing items we purchase for him (we get a $200 allowance that we need to keep track of each year) and the one note that I have received from Baby's Dad.

I am not done yet though...this is just the base. I plan to print out any important emails (especially Mr.Wonderful Uncle) and I may type out texts. ...like the one I sent him about pop in Baby's cup (and of course his responses to those texts).

Up next....complete this binder and move onto the foster parent one. I plan to keep well organized this year! That one will be certain to include all training info/certificates, things to turn in, stipend receipts (like we may need for the IRS for Little Man's mom claiming him last year) and things like that! What do you keep in yours? :)

Visit today

Baby (12 months old) came home from his visit today with Root Beer in his cup! :( I texted his Dad and asked him only to give water or milk. He said he didn't think it would hurt him. Foster care is crazy! It really makes you see things from lots of people's perspectives! Something I would never do as a parent is no big deal to another. Thank the Lord we have a good relationship with Dad and I can express things like that him.

The CM brought baby home (spent some of his visit at the DMV!) really late and then walked in and said she lost the contact sheet from last week so can she do another one now? Umm...0k...dinner is on the stove, my kids are crazy right now, but come on in! :) She filled out her form (pretty much same as last week) and then said that she had a 1/2 hour talk with Dad about adoption and housing, etc. He told her that he was looking into a place, but it was $1200 (first and last month's rent) to move in and he was saving the money. She mentioned AGAIN that he has ONE month to complete this. This has been his cycle. He is always trying to save up for a place, but then a trip comes up or some other expense and his balance is back at $0. I guess we will see what happens this time!

The CM mentioned that we would be interested in adopting Baby, so that's good and on the table...now I feel a bit more comfortable expressing our interest personally. He basically wants things to pretty much stay the way they are (Baby in foster care and getting to see him once a week) indefinitely. Too bad (for him) things don't work that way. CM mentioned again very clearly to him and me that they want the case CLOSED! I am hoping that doesn't mean they will do anything to close it!

So...like I mentioned before. Even though the case plan is up on April 1, nothing much can really happen until court in June.

Oh...still waiting on pins and needles to hear when our finalization date will be!!!

What do you think?

OK...so after talking a bit more with our social worker she has suggested that we make it clear that adoption is what we are really fighting for (not PG with us or anyone else). Of course we will be at the next staffing for him, but I was wondering if anyone has experience with this?? I have a "texting relationship" with his Dad (remember Mom is totally out of the picture). We have spoken on the phone and see each other at court, but I do not see him regularly. I was wondering if any of you have spoken with a birthparent about adoption or is this best left to the workers, etc. Of course I would do it in the most respectful way possible and I wouldn't "force" or "coerce" anything, but I want him to know how much we love Baby and that if he isn't able to care for him forever, that we want to be the ones to do it! I would express our openness to an open adoption (with boundaries!) as well. I feel like now might not be the right time , but maybe in the upcoming months??? Thoughts??? Again, I really like his Dad. He's a nice guy, but really just not able to parent a toddler and give him what he needs. I certainly don't want to do anything to mess up our chances either. Please share your experiences!!

a bit more...

A rough description of PG is that we assume all care for the child and act like he is ours, however the parents keep their rights and at any time can do what they were supposed to do and reclaim the child. So his MIA mom could clean her life up when Baby is 10 years old, go in front of the judge and get him back! Ummm...NOT good for Baby or our family. It's going to be VERY difficult for them to get a TPR for bio-dad since he is non-offending, so that is why they want to do PG.

It is our prayer that bio-dad has an epiphany and realizes that where Baby is now is going to be the safest and best place for him to stay and surrenders his rights. Personally I think he is perfectly ok with the situation as is now...Baby is well taken care of and loved and he gets to see him every week, but he is not responsible for all the day to day stuff of taking care of Baby. I just don't think he's capable to effectively do that.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out. Will a family member be willing to do PG? Adoption through surrenders? Adoption through TPR? How long will this case be open? After that year mark they are seeming to really want to close this out. Well...I guess we have until June to wait still no matter which road is traveled.

Today

WIC! I went to the office this morning again (oh...I have to change offices! Some big crime happened and streets were closed off and I was trying to maneuver my way through one of the worst areas in the city trying to get to where I needed to be. Not such a fun time) because at the last appt. he hadn't had one shot (b/c he hadn't had his 1 yr well-child yet) so they only gave me one month worth of checks. So I get called up in record time and then she says that because the age range for HIB is 12-15 months and his Dr. gives it at 15 months he is considered behind in their system because they always go with the youngest age. Nice...so now I get to visit my lovely wic office every month until he has that shot. Nothing like making it difficult for people when it's totally not necessary. It is what it is....(my hubby HATES that saying :) )

On to this afternoon. We had a joint visit with our FDS and Baby's CM. Baby's CM drops a nugget on me right away asking for Permanent Guardianship rather than adoption. A friend of our just went through this same scenario so I was well prepared knowledge-wise. Hubby and I already discussed this and it's a "no" for us. We love Baby with ALLLLLLL of our hearts but to live with that hanging over our heads and Baby's especially for the next 17 years is not an option for our family. I don't think that there is any family member that would be willing/able to do this for him. I know that Baby's sibling that lives with Mr. Wonderful Uncle has a PG with them, but that's different since they are actually blood related (in my opinion at least). We said that we would definitely love to give Baby permanency through adoption, but not PG.

Dad is still non-compliant...he has a little over a month before his case plan expires. When asked about this today he's still "looking into" places. She tried to express to him that he needs to do what he needs to do or Baby will be adopted by another family (she did not say us). I found out (from the GAL) the next staffing is April 17th. Our next court date is in June. So, although his plan expires on April 1st, nothing definitive will really happen until the beginning of June. Sigh....waiting some more!

Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!

Our adoption worker came today with a stack of paperwork nearly 2 inches thick! We read (skimmed) over most of it...all documents from this 2+yr case. Most of it I knew about, but there were a few things that I wasn't aware of. Documents I had heard of but never seen. Good info for the future.

So after signing the paperwork our sweet little man is NO LONGER A FOSTER CHILD!!!!!!!!!!! OH PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are ecstatic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The paperwork will go to the lawyer by Friday or Monday of next week and then we are simply waiting for a court date :) We were told to expect the first week in March!!!

Wow...I can't believe this is almost DONE!!!!!!!!!

Clarification for newbies to my blog

Little Man has been with us since he was 5 months old. He currently has been in our home almost 2 years 3 months and we should be able to finalize his adoption SOON!!! We have very little email contact with his bio-mom and none with bio-dad.

Baby is our second placement and he is 12 months old. We've had him since he was 3 days old straight from the hospital. He still has weekly visitation with his bio-dad. No contact with bio-mom. There is a concurrent plan in place for his case. The uncle drama is related to this little guy.

I hope this clears up any confusion and please ask ?'s if you have them :-)

Nada!

I was definitely expecting a text this morning, but nada! No confirmation whatsoever so that means another peaceful Saturday :) All going in the documentation log.

I was speaking to Baby's GAL a couple weeks ago and got the name/number of the foster (now adoptive) Mommy of Baby's other brother (he's 3). She is really excited to meet me and see Baby again (she met with them and the other siblings back when baby was about 4 months old). I am told she is consistent and follows through. I think we will plan a park day so all the kiddos can play together (she has 2 other children she has adopted as well). Maybe she can shed some light on the aunt/uncle situation too. I wonder if her son sees them and in what frequency (especially now that he is adopted). At least Baby can have one normal familial interaction :)

Good news!!

We FINALLY got our backgrounds back yesterday so now our adoption worker can complete our AHS and we should have a FINALIZATION date for little man in the next couple of weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot believe that it is actually going to come to an end. 2 1/4yrs is a long time to have a child in your care that is not permanently yours. Praise God that will no longer be the case VERY SOON!!!!

In other news....baby had his first trip to the state fair! His Dad took him there for their visit. I got a text that baby ate a LOT of hot dog. Oh how I wish Dad was here to change those nasty diapers!!!! Baby actually is not sick 2 days after his visit, so that is a NICE change! :-)

Well, tomorrow is supposed to be "take 2" of visit with the Uncle. The CM told me she would remind him he needed to confirm 24 hours ahead of time...that is in addition to my text last week and emailed him. It's now 12:30. No confirmation text or email :( He'll probably text tomorrow morning again and he will get back the same lovely text he got last week. I knew he was a game player, but really??? Why waste all of our time energy. Seriously!!!! Wait till the next staffing!!!

Baby is seriously into climbing right now as well. In the past day he has decided he can climb into the back of toy dump trucks (and get rides for his brothers!!) He also can now climb on the toddler chairs. Yesterday he pushed the chair over to the counter, climbed up on the chair, stood up and started clearing the counter area! Papers everywhere! Stinker!!! He is only 12 months old!!!!! I am not ready for this business!! LOL!!! Full steam ahead!!!!

I knew it....

Mr. Uncle man texted me at 7:40 this morning stating he'd be there at 8:30. Ummm...not playing that game sir! I texted him back politely to let him know he needed to confirm my email YESTERDAY...24 hours. He said that was only if there was a conflict with the schedule. I told him that "no, it was EVERY time. I've already made plans for the day." After we agreed that we would try again for next week I emailed him a copy of the original email from the supervisor and highlighted the parts about meeting times and the need to confirm for every visit.

This is all just so ridiculous to me! He is so incredibly passive-agressive it drives me nuts! I have told him on at least 3 occasions (email/texts) that he will also need a car seat for Baby because I HATE taking mine in and out. I wish I had never bought it because it is so difficult. I have a feeling that next week he WILL confirm and when I get there he WILL NOT have a car seat and I will have no choice other than to give him my seat, because if I cancel the visit based on that I'm sure that will be unacceptable. It will be another passive-agressive move where he will get his way. Why can't he just act like an adult?

They have a history and everyone knows them and "how they roll" but because they are family and they have Baby's siblings we have to move through this. Ahhh....once again I am saying "never did I imagine in foster care training that THIS is what I would have to deal with."

But anyway....I will enjoy this Sat. morning with all 4 of my chickadees under our roof :)

Really???

Ok...per the supervisor's words, I confirmed 24 hours via email with the Uncle that I would be there tomorrow. I asked if he would. He has not responded at all today. I verified with my social worker that if he does not answer by this evening that I have every right to consider this visit cancelled. In fact, since it was supposed to be 24 hours confirmation I really don't even have to do that. I just have this *feeling* that either late tonight or early tomorrow morning I'm going to get a text or email saying that he will be there. With his history, I am not going to play that game...nope! I am ALL FOR baby seeing his siblings/family, but I will not be treated as though my time and baby's feelings are flexible to his whims. This is supposed to be the first visit together....has the desire to see Baby already faded??? :( If he does call/text tomorrow morning then he will get a lovely and respectful text/email back stating that since he didn't confirm, the visit will not happen and he has another chance in 2 weeks. Saturday mornings are for sleeping late, hanging out in your pj's too long and playing together....I think that's how we're going to get to spend our morning after all :)

It's set

So I still hadn't heard anything about when these sibling visits were to take place, so I emailed the supervisor lady this morning and got a response rather quickly (I think she forgot). Anyway, the visits will be bi-weekly from 9-1 and we are meeting at a neutral location. I haven't heard anything from the uncle so I'm not sure if this is "ok" with him. We are to confirm with each other 24 hours ahead of time. I am reeeeaaaaallllyyy interested in how this is going to play out.....

Beautiful

A song written and sung by Lilly Grace about her experience with Safe Families for Children. Proceeds of iTunes sales from “Chance” by Lilly Grayce go to Safe-Families.org, the organization that brought Chance into her life.

One year ago

One year ago today a frail little 6lb 4oz baby boy was dropped off at our house. Whew...we did not know the ride we would be on with this case, but I am pleased to say that our sweet boy is no longer frail! He is a rough and tough boy weighing in at a whopping 23lbs. Unfortunately, he has caught the flu and was miserable all day. :( I am praying over all the other children that they do not (or hubby/I) get this nasty thing. Hoping tomorrow is a better day all around!!!!!

Understanding

I'm not sure anyone could possibly understand what it's like to be a foster parent, unless of course you are (or have been) in the trenches! To give ALL of yourself and not hold back any part of your love. To kiss every boo boo, clean up the puke (ugh..baby has another bug!) or get lunch sneezed on you! Then...to have no control over issues that truly matter. It's tough ya'll!

I'm sure so many of you thinking "enough already" but seriously...think about your own biological or adopted child never having met (or remember) a family member of yours. Would you just drop them off and say "see ya later!" No (well me at least)! I would acclimate them to that family member at least a few times before just taking off. Maybe I'm just too emotional!

That's why this is so hard...he doesn't know these people. Other than a 4 hour visit with his bio-dad a week, I am with him! I meet every need and lots of wants too :) How can I just shut that off? It's hard being told "your opinion doesn't matter." Sigh....I think a big bowl of ice cream is coming my way tonight!!! Well that and getting down on my knees...this battle is the Lord's :) Yaweh Nissi!!!

Ok enough...more puke to clean up! Eeeewwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes foster care just STINKS!

Back to Baby's visit...I got a "lovely" (I use that word VERY loosely here) email this morning from the CM's supervisor. I wrote a long "venting"post which I will not actually post but it felt good to write :-)

Main points?

*Baby HAS to go on 4 hour visits with this aunt/uncle no later than 2/10/12

*I not only have to coordinate it with them, but also get to drive baby and hand him off to these people

*Agency requirements seem to overwrite anything else.

*People like to use the phrases like "baby will warm up" or "he'll adjust" or "kid's are resilient" or "it's just 4 hours" Maybe I should text/call all of them each time he wakes up at night following one of these visits?? LOL!! That would be fun, but probably not a good idea huh?!

Yep...put the big girl panties on, shut up and do as I am told. Foster care stinks sometimes!