Sharing the life experience of becoming foster parents to the least of these!
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
What do you think?
OK...so after talking a bit more with our social worker she has suggested that we make it clear that adoption is what we are really fighting for (not PG with us or anyone else). Of course we will be at the next staffing for him, but I was wondering if anyone has experience with this?? I have a "texting relationship" with his Dad (remember Mom is totally out of the picture). We have spoken on the phone and see each other at court, but I do not see him regularly. I was wondering if any of you have spoken with a birthparent about adoption or is this best left to the workers, etc. Of course I would do it in the most respectful way possible and I wouldn't "force" or "coerce" anything, but I want him to know how much we love Baby and that if he isn't able to care for him forever, that we want to be the ones to do it! I would express our openness to an open adoption (with boundaries!) as well. I feel like now might not be the right time , but maybe in the upcoming months??? Thoughts??? Again, I really like his Dad. He's a nice guy, but really just not able to parent a toddler and give him what he needs. I certainly don't want to do anything to mess up our chances either. Please share your experiences!!
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5 comments:
I don't have any advice for you (I'm still new to this whole fostering gig) but I think you're making a smart move. I hope the baby's dad has the wisdom to see that you're trying to do what's best for the baby and yourself! I'll be interested to see how it all shakes out.
After an almost 2 year journey with our foster daughter I finally had that very conversation with her mom. We had weekly visits so I knew her pretty well at this point but talking about it was the best thing I could have done. She cried, I cried, but in the end she voluntarily signed her rights over because she knew it was in her daughters best interest. I would feel him out and see if there is a way to gently bring it up.
Hmmm.....this was never even an option when we did fostering? So I have NO experience.
Will pray for guidance and others who have experience to step forward with good knowledge and guidance from the LORD!
I have noticed bio moms seem to be very different about this than bio dads. When bio dads have been in the picture I think they feel more entitled and less likely to " give up".
I would suggest asking him who he would want to adopt the baby if the court will not give his child back to him. That should open the door to talking about it and then point out that you would be willing to parent if they won't let him and he could have an open adoption with you....were as if the state has to forcibly terminate on him he would never see the child again if you let someone else adopt them. That worked for me. I will tell you, in the end of our case the bios were still plenty mad about the situation even tho they had "wanted" me to adopt her. They did not voluntarily give up their rights...but I think they felt like they could stop doing their case plan and I would take care of their child and they were ok will that even though they didnt "want" their rights terminated.
We just had this conversation with both of the grandparents for Peanut, and I am going to call the BioMom to have the conversation with her as well.
I just brought it up by saying that I didn't want them to worry about what would happen to him if the BioParents didn't come back (and they didnt). I told them that I will cooperate with all of the DHS plans, since that is my job, however, I am committed to Peanut and his future above all else. If that means that we would get to adopt him to make sure he maintains biological relationships, then we would be blessed to have him.
Everyone was excited about it, much to my shock.
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