Thoughts

Looking outside watching Mikey (3) and Baby play together on the slide, laughing and giggling away made me smile, but it also made me sad :(  Both of their little lives are about to change so much.  I hate that these feelings keep getting dragged on and on.

I signed a few of the boys up for a tumbling class today and I saw that there was one for babies 15 months-3 years.  I immediately thought that I would sign Baby up and then...reality...he may not be here for the course of the class.

Baby had his 18 month well-care visit today.  He's doing great but she wants him to see a pediatric dentist to file down his tooth (that got chipped.....remember?) and check out the nerve.  Every time he falls that sharp tooth cuts his lip.  It went all the way through his lip last night :(  She asked if I wanted to make his next appt and again...reality...I told her I'll call later based on the results of court.

Torture.....taking 4 kids to the Dr. and having to wait in the waiting room and then in the patient room.  They are such good boys, but SO ACTIVE and Michael is just the LOUDEST child EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need to record my voice saying "Quiet voice!!"  Two Dr. appts 2 days in a row is enough for me :)

Accomplishments of the day

• Quiet time to start my day!
• Completed all documents for our re-licensing home study!!!!!!!!!!  Thank you Jesus that's done for another year :)
• Homeschooled 3 children (all the while the 1 yr old was demanding attention!)
• Arranged ANOTHER case worker visit because this dual case management stuff is not working out!  The new CM was here last Monday as a surprise visit with our FDS who was doing our re-licensing visit.  Well for some reason she put her visit in the system as a home study (which for her it wasn't).  They couldn't change it now so the old CM is coming out...why???  I don't know why the new one who is supposed to do the field work isn't coming back....OYE!!!
• Cookie made :) Healthy ones!
• Worked out (before eating yummy cookies)
• Grocery list made and ready for tomorrow's shopping
• Home made refried beans and refried black beans made
• Found out that giving the kids ice cubes and a rubber mallet outside  is a great way to stabilize moods and get aggression out!  I plan to make one of those big blocks and hide toys in it.  They loved this activity!
• Prepped for next week's history lessons
• Now I am making dinner (chicken with sauteed onions and baked sweet potatoes :)  Our small group leaders are out of town for a few weeks so we are crashing our old life group tonight!  The kids are excited to see their friends and "Mr. Mr. Wong" as Isaac used to call them :)  

There has to more that I accomplished today...oh well, that's gonna have to do :)

Too funny!

I still get telemarketer calls every once in awhile and sometime back I had the brilliant idea of putting my children on the phone to "entertain" me :)  They chat the person's ear off about whatever is on their mind and end it with a lovely "God loves you!"  Today all the big kiddos were upstairs and couldn't come to the phone, so I decided to give Baby his first crack at it!  Here's how it went...

T:  Hello, may I speak to Mrs. D?
B:  He-whoa! (hello)
T: Yes, may I speak with Mrs. D please?
B: Ha!  Gaga!!! (what he calls my husband)
T: {long pause} Ok...well thank you and have a nice day!
B: Bye bye!

So stinkin' funny!  Us SAHM's get amusement from the craziest things-lol!

Results

So after all that emotional build up, preparing to say goodbye, having a party, etc.....we waited 2 hours and then walked into the courtroom where the judge said that the Guardian's lawyer was on vacation and wanted to continue to hearing so that she could be present!  AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  While I appreciate the fact that she really want to be there for this hearing, couldn't this have been brought to everyone's attention before people took off of work, paid babysitters, adjusted schedules, and waited a ridiculous amount of time?????  Grrrrrrrr...............The judge then said that next week is trials all week, then our city is being closed down for a big convention, then the week after that they are playing catch up from having 2 weeks off, so as it sits we have a new hearing set for SEPT 10th!!!!!!!!

I am choosing to see the positive side though....that is 25 more days that I *know* Baby will be in our home.  25 more days to love on him and enjoy his presence here in our home.  God doesn't make mistakes...this is all part of His plan.  We may never know (this side of heaven) why this has been drug out for months, but I can rest in knowing that God already knows Baby's future and this delay was not a surprise to Him.  It is done already now we just have to wait to find out what that looks like.

Baby's 3 yr old brother's ( the one who was adopted by his foster parents) adoptive mom and I have been communicating more lately.  Last week we went out and had fun at a local Aquarium.  She is a  strong woman of God and I love how she just constantly is putting perspective where it belongs.  I asked her if "B" (her son) ever sees aunt/uncle and the other siblings. She said that they have been seeing each other every couple of weeks socially to get the kids together.  She told me that although God has already made his decision BUT it is her earthly desire to see Baby stay with us.  She has seen first hand how Baby's siblings are treated very differently (the GAL has also mentioned this) from Aunt's children from other relationships.  This breaks my heart!!!!!  It's not that they are not clean/fed/needs met, because those things are taken care of.  Rather it's the expensive toys/video game systems, school bio child attends, etc.  The other kids are clearly separated and set apart (not in a good way) from the bio child and that simply is not fair to them!!!!!

Please keep our kiddos (especially A) in your prayers.  All this emotional up and down 'not knowing what is going to happen' is starting to affect his behavior.   He is not a crying kid at all and lately he has been having melt downs and just been so emotional.  This is the child that does not do well with change, so all this just has him all turned around.  Please pray that God gives hubby and I wisdom on how to help him through this. The other kid's reactions were "oh, he's staying for another month? Ok!" and they ran off to play :)

Visits

Our re-licensure visit went pretty well.  I vented, I cried, we laughed and ultimately the kiddos lightened everything up :)  Our wonderful social worker asked the CM what we could expect on Wednesday as far as a transition and she said that they would be asking the judge for a transition plan based on how Baby is doing.  She said we'd go at his pace.  To make a long story short, I don't think that my perspective of how he is transitioning vs. aunt/uncles will match.  The CM said that of course she has to follow whatever the judge orders, so if she orders Baby be moved that day, then we have to comply.

Interestingly enough...aunt/uncle's home study expired at the beginning of June.  Guess where the CM was heading???  Yep...to do the home study!  I acted shocked and in disbelief and she acted as though it were no problem.  She'd get it done today, take 1 day for her supervisor to look at it (assuring me it would be approved) and be ready for court.  I *don't think* that the judge will order Baby directly to them because their backgrounds are not back yet, but then again...shoot!  Who knows?  Rules seem to be made to be broken in the system, so.....

The part that broke my heart was when Michael came over to Baby and I and said "{Baby} is my brother!" Awwwww.....yes, sweetheart he is!  Andrew, despite our efforts to keep things in the "maybe he's leaving" light came out and said "{Baby} is leaving our house."  There is no gray area for him...it's all black or white.

I've said it before and I'll say it again....I am so glad that we had a positive foster care experience (Michael's adoption) before crashing into this wall!  Whew....

Goodbye party

Today several friends stopped over to wish Baby well and say good bye not knowing when the actual goodbye will be.  We are truly grateful for each and every one of you!  Thank you for your prayers, your time, and the gifts for Baby!  What got me choked up the most is the sweet notes that everyone wrote to him.  This boy will know that he was loved here :)

Some good friends from church have two very sweet daughters (12 yo twins) that have become very attached to Baby.  They serve as student helpers in Baby's church class and when they learned that he would be leaving one literally got choked up and started crying saying "I don't want him to go!"  Her time spent at the party was sitting right next to him feeding him continuous quiche and commenting on how cute he is :)

Between that and my really good foster mommy friend K. trying not to cry as she said her goodbyes it was all I could do to keep it to together.  Last night after everyone was asleep and I laid down for the night IT.HIT.ME.  The tears just started rolling thinking of all that is/could happen this week. IT'S. REAL!

Today we have our social worker visit and I suspect our "unannounced" visit from the new case manager.  My mind is totally taken over by the upcoming events and getting re-licensed to go through this torture again really isn't what I want to do today :(  Sigh...deep breathes!  Keep praying friends!

Getting ready

As Wednesday approaches we have no idea how long the judge will let us transition Baby and how long he will remain in our home after the verdict of changing placements takes place.  So....we decided to hurry up and have a Goodbye Party for him this weekend just in case the judge orders it immediately or next weekend (which is totally possible).  The party is going to be tomorrow and we are choosing to make it a celebration of his time spent here with us :)

My wonderful mother has sent my kiddos 2 different recordable books where she reads them stories.  Baby loves to listen to them and he says "Maw maw!" then he shuts the book, puts his hands in the air and asks "go?" He then repeats this over and over.  It's so cute.  As he was doing this today I had the bright idea....DUH!  Do that for Baby!  He will be able to listen to my voice as I read him a story even though I won't physically be there with him once he's gone.  I like this idea a lot.  Time to hit Hallmark! :)

We had to tell the kids about the possibility of him leaving a bit sooner than we wanted because of our desire to have a party for him, but they seem to doing well so far.  Of course I put it all on the judge and said it was up to her.  Andrew (8) said "No it's not Mom!  It's up to God!  He's more powerful than that judge"  Oh yes sweet boy you are right!  We then had a discussion about God's will and how even though we think something should happen one way God's ideas might not be the same.  A question pops up here and there, but so far so good.  I guess we'll see how things go after Wednesday.  I am so thankful we have an early morning hearing!!

Court Date!

Wow...I cannot believe it!  3 months later we have a court date!  Next week Wed (the 15th) at 9am our lives will probably be given a verdict that will change us forever!  Baby's placement change hearing will happen that day and I just have this feeling that since it's his aunt/uncle's weekend next weekend that the judge will say to change his placement then.

Reality stinks, but God gradually has been giving me a peace that defies understanding.  Baby is in His hands and He will never let Baby go!

Now to prepare the other kiddos......

Do you know who you are?

So many of the debates and issues surrounding parenting simply have no merit to us foster parents.  We simply must obey the rules or there will be consequences.  Some examples...

Breastfeeding or rather using "donated" breast milk. (formula only)
Using natural remedies that mainstream may not accept
Immunizations (have to)
School (must go)
Co-sleeping (we are allowed to have a child 12 months or younger in our room, but NOT in our bed)
Leashes for kids
(NOTE:  I am not interested in discussing any of these matters in a debate form :) )

In the end do any of these things really matter?  When we stand before our Lord on judgement day will these be the things that matter?  NO!  God has been speaking to me a lot lately about WHOSE I am and that I really need to recognize this.  I shouldn't care what others think of me or say about me (or our parenting choices, etc)...my value does not come from them.  Am I pleasing my Heavenly Father?  Am I doing what He told me to do? THAT is what matters.

Source: godmoves.tumblr.com via Melissa on Pinterest

We MUST teach our children that they are a son or daughter of the Most High God!!  Our children MUST know and realize their value in Christ whether they are here for a few days, weeks, months, years, or forever!  What a great and awesome responsibility we have as parents and foster parents to put what really matters into the hearts of our children!!  It's not about things that we have, the latest and greatest gadget, the kinds of clothes we wear or what that other person called you etc.  I love to read THIS story to my kids.  It's called "You are Special" by Max Lucado and reinforces that only their Maker is the one they need to please.  He loves them and cares for them just the way they are and His is the Voice they need to listen to :)

Love on, cuddle and snuggle those little ones (or not so little ones) He has entrusted to you today and pour out how much God loves them into their little hearts :)

Michael is learning!

I have been trying to start doing a theme with Michael each week and we focus on reading a lot of books, a shape, a letter, and color too.  He recently turned 3 and is ready for a bit of structure, although we tend to just fit it into our day for now until I start school with the big kiddos.

This week has been the theme COWS.  This morning I asked him to tell me everything he has learned about cows and this was his response...

"I learn about cows, gutters (udders!), bulls, calves, butter, beef, they go to a farm, skin (cowhide), they eat grass!"

Overall he retained quite a bit throughout the week :-)

Next week the theme is Jungle!!

What Baby has been up to....18 months

So since there is no news in his case I guess I'll update you all on what my sweetie has been up! He turned 18 months a few days ago.

1. He is cutting EIGHT teeth all at once.  Yeah..you can imagine how fun it has been!  Poor things gums are SO swollen.  
2. He is chatting up a storm!  We walked into Target today and he said "Ga get!"  Uummm....my name is Melissa and I'm a Target-a-holic!
3. He is getting so tall!
4. He eats like a horse...often eating more than I do!
5. His chipped tooth has not seemed to bother him.  He looks silly but what are you gonna do?!
6. He says lots of animal sounds, everyone in our family's name (along with some others) and lots and lots of words!!
7. He is into pointing out body parts...he can do head, ears, eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, belly, butt-butt, legs, feet, and arms.
8. For some reason every mosquito and ant seem to like his sweet legs.  Poor guy!
9. He melts pretty much anyone he meets with that smile!  He made lots of new friends at the VBS program last night by smiling and clapping when everyone else clapped.  Of course he is one super loud baby so all the other "cheering" (ya know...like during prayer!) made us watch from the foyer!
10. He is a cuddly, loving, sweet little boy who loves to give kisses and we like to call him "gentle giant" because although  he's pretty tall for his age he has one of the most sensitive spirits about him.  
11. He LOVES to be outside and will find every person's shoes from the rack and bring them to the right person when it's time to go.  He says "shoes shoes!  Go go go!" and will run to the door and wait for everyone to come :)
12. He says "Hi" to anyone and everyone, including the people in the cars next to us who couldn't possibly hear his sweet voice.  
13. He has the longest eye lashes that curl and when he bats those eyes it's so hard to say no!

So that's just a tad about what's going on with our sweetie :)

In other news.....I am not quite sure I will survive the age of 3!  For some reason 3 has been the toughest age for me thus far (yes I know the teenage/hormone years are coming!) It was the same for Andrew and Isaac as well.  The only difference with Michael is that he seems to have double to triple the lung capacity and can carry on a screaming fit for infinitely longer than the other two.  Wheew....the house is always stocked with aspirin!  

The big boys are getting gearing up to start home school again very soon!  I am trying to get all things organized and into place.  

Hubby and I are celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary next Friday and he's taking me on a night cruise around the Bay for dinner and dancing!!!!  We have more than earned a night away together to celebrate :)