And just like that....

Squirt will be our FIRST goodbye!  He is a really easy and sweet baby so it's tough to see him go because you never know what you will get next time-lol!  Court was today and custody was granted to Grandma.  She will have not only Squirt but his brothers as well.  He will be leaving in the morning.  I feel ok about the placement.  Grandma seems really nice and loves the boys tremendously.  Of course it's not the same lifestyle we lead, but that doesn't make us better at all.  They are a really close knit family, so this is best for Squirt :)  Glad to see that our first goodbye is a GOOD one....not what we were expecting for our first!

It's ok...Just Cry

Life Book

I love putting together life books!  Ok...this is the first one that I was very sad about because it's the first one that I won't get to personally share with my child each year.  We have a tradition here in our house that every Gotcha Day (and any other day they desire to) we sit and look at their life book and take the time to remember the person who gave them life or the person/people who took care of them before they joined our family.  I love this tradition and personal time with each child.

Baby's life book came in the mail today.  It was bittersweet.  It made me want to cry thinking I don't get to share this with him as he grows but at the same time it made me feel special that we got to experience all those wonderful months with our sweet boy.  He will never have to wonder what he looked like as a baby.  He will never have questions like "when did I learn to sit?  was I happy baby?  how old was I when I learned to walk?" It's all documented for him.

I pray that when we do actually have to say our goodbyes that it won't be forever and who knows, maybe I will get to share it with him someday???  Only God knows the plans for our sweet little guy!  I can rest knowing that we have done what God called us to do in this situation.  We gave him our absolute all and loved him beyond what words can express!

Case Manager

I just got an email on a Saturday night from our CM's supervisor.  It was to notify me that our case manager is no longer with them and she has no idea who the new CM will be.  UGH!  I finally had a CM I liked who was organized and good at her job and we lose her in the first month of the case.  Drat!  We'll probably get some new CM and be her first case.  BUMMER!!!!!

Fun to make :)

Go to www.tagxedo.com and make one of these for you and your sweeties!  I put this one together for Baby without his name so I could show you all :)  There are lots of design choices to choose from!  Fun and free...you can print/save/share as well!

Blah...

I have no creative title for this post-lol!  That's pretty much how I feel.  The day after the staffing I was told that the Aunt/Uncle do not have a current home study and we were asked again to consider PG.  Turns out they do in fact have a home study but it expires in a few days and they will need new backgrounds.  There is a huge transition taking place in our county and it looks like backgrounds will be a long delay.  Lovely.  I want EVERY moment with Baby but at the same time if he's gonna leave, let's get this over with!  Baby has a weekend visit with them this weekend. :(   I don't even like interacting with that man for our 2 min transfers.     Seriously...it feels creepy.  God calls us to love everyone and I wish him no harm, but I sure do wish that Baby was not going to have to live with him!

We soooooo love Baby and want him to stay that hubby and I revisited the PG discussion.  I called a lawyer and we spoke for awhile.  She answered all my questions and gave us more to think about.  In the end it still is not right for us or Baby.  It stinks...it really does, but this is foster care.  I am SO GRATEFUL that God gave us Michael and the ability to adopt him before having to for through this harsh reality.

We have had Squirt for exactly one month today!  It is amazing how fast time flies!  After Baby leaves, we will of course still have Squirt, but we will be taking a break to grieve the loss before signing up for CrazyLand again!  We plan to do lots of fun things with the kids and just have one set of case workers/GAL/etc to deal with for a bit.  I'm ready for less stress for awhile!!

Squirt has a JR coming up next week, but I think I am going to stay out of that 3-ring circus for a bit...I wonder how many of the family will show up to that one.  Squirt has already been excused from court.  Whew...I'll just get an update later :)  I think I will try to make it his staffing though in a couple of weeks.  More (generally) seems to get accomplished at those anyway.

Stats

http://togetherwerise.org/fostercare.php

This site has foster care stats, but if you go to the homepage it has so many ways that people can help children in foster care!  Started by 20 yr olds, this non-profit has grown and changed the lives of many foster youth.  Please consider how you can help!!!

Looks like goodbye

Wow...it doesn't even seem like this could even be real.  The staffing for Baby happened today.  Baby's Uncle/Aunt and Bio-Dad DID NOT EVEN SHOW!  The CM attempted to reach them by phone and neither answered.  Why am I not surprised?

The TPR results were that they would not given a recommendation because of a missing piece.  Well, the missing piece cannot happen until Dad messes up again.  Of course Dad just messed up so he is on his best behavior and we can bank on 3-6 months of having it together.  So...no tpr....which means yep.....goodbye!

The agency has already filed the motion and simply are waiting for a court date.  It still surprises me how much focus is put on things that don't even matter.  Our first good bye will be coming up soon.  He will have been in our care probably 17 months by that point....straight from the hospital at 3 days old.  Heartbroken doesn't even seem to cover what I am feeling right now.  This is gonna be a tough road to walk.

Of course the song "Hurt and the Healer" came on the radio on the way home and the tears started flowing!  My eyes are puffy, but I have to trust that God's ways are better than my ways and He knows what I don't know.  My heart breaks thinking that we will not be the one's raising that sweet boy, but at the same time I am relieved that I will not have that uncle in our lives for the next ?? years!

We have such supportive friends and my family has been wonderful!  It's with them and God's grace that I know things will be ok and God will heal our hurts.  Baby will always be my son in my heart...that's for sure!  Please remember us in your prayers.  Especially pray for Baby and his heart as he will be going through this huge transition as well as the hearts of my other boys.  This is gonna hurt them so much.  They've never been through this before and I have a feeling we'll have lots of anger going around this house.  When my boys are stressed/scared, etc it's more fights, more aggression and more anger.  We are praying for wisdom to  help them through this and process these super big feelings!  We are not telling them until closer to the court date (all they know is that Mommy is sad today).

Toddler language

Squirt walks up to Baby and pulls the pacifier out of Baby's mouth and attempts to kiss him.


Baby (totally ticked off) screams at the top of his lungs and pushes Squirt away.


Squirt (clearly upset his affections were squashed) slaps Baby in the face (not too hard :) ) and walks away.

Today at church Baby would say hi to someone and then tap Squirt on the head and say his name (I'm the only one who understands it of course!)  as if to introduce him.

Baby will find Squirts sippy cup laying around and (shockingly!) he finds Squirt and gives it to him!

Neither of them likes to share...it's like a curse word between those too!

No one has been bitten in over a week...hallelujah!  The less there is to document and account for the better ;)

 I don't know how many of these interactions those two have in a day, but they are numerous!  It's definitely a love-hate relationship for sure!  These two keep me hopping but can be so stinkin' cute together too!!! :) Very different personalities!

To my sweet husband....

                        Happy Father's Day
to the most amazing Daddy ever!!  In honor of him I decided to ask the kids a few questions about Daddy......

Michael:
What you like best about Daddy?  Helping him with the garbage
What do you like to play with Daddy? cars
What does Daddy do for a living? He go to work and eat lunch at work and he leaves
What do you do to make Daddy happy?  

He made his cheesy face :)

Andrew:
What you like best about Daddy? Him buying me Nila (Andrew's snake)
What do you like to play with Daddy? Mario
What does Daddy do for a living? Goes to work at the Aquarium-he works with electricity and stuff
What do you do to make Daddy happy? Mow the lawn


Isaac:

What you like best about Daddy?  That he pays money for my glasses
What do you like to play with Daddy? Wrestling
What does Daddy do for a living? He goes to work at {insert the wrong local attraction} I don't know what he does!
What do you do to make Daddy happy? Help him with stuff


Baby: {Baby has always called my husband Ga-ga rather than Dada even tho he is capable of saying Dada!}

What you like best about Daddy?  Gaga Ah-heh!
What do you like to play with Daddy? on
What does Daddy do for a living?  uh-nana ene
What do you do to make Daddy happy?  {insert giving me kisses} :)


I attempted Squirt's answers, but he just kept kissing me-lol!  I assume his would be much like Baby's :)

So these answers are quite comical and some realistic :) Except for Andrew they clearly do not understand what Daddy does (I was very surprised Isaac didn't get where he works right!  Sheesh, we've only been there a hundred times!) He's an electrician by the way :-)

 So here's to you sweetheart!  We love you very much!!!!  Have a wonderful day!!!!



Note:  This idea was stolen from another blog with minor changes...thanks for the idea!

Weird but working!

So this whole situation with our new little Squirt is so weird to me because it's like no other case we've had, but I am totally cool with it!  Squirt is the most easy going kid EVER!

 There are never any tears on the drop off/pick ups and he greets me with an excited smile and comes right to me when I get him.

Several times his mother (whom I have not met yet) has sent me notes thanking me for helping them "in our time of need."

The laundry thing threw me for a loop, but who cares?!  On Fridays I send her all his dirty laundry and she sends a weeks worth of clean clothes including shoes (so far I think he has more pairs than I do!) It's like a laundry service-lol!

Yesterday morning I noticed what looks like an allergic reaction or some sort of weird series of bites on his right leg, a tad on his left leg and one spot on his arm.  I told Grandma at drop off this morning and she said "oh...you got germs?!"  Ummm ok?  I just wanted to make sure they didn't think I did something weird.  At pick up tonight she said that they had ring worm cream left over from his brothers and that's what she thinks it is.  She put the medicine in the bag.  I do not suspect ring worm, but she said that she was going to take him to his regular Dr. on Monday.  Again...uuumm...ok!  Honestly they have him more business days than I do, so it makes sense for them to take him-lol!  It's weird but ok :)

Everything about this case just seems weird, but it all seems to work out-lol!  It's about time we have an easy one :)

In other news.....Baby's staffing is on Tuesday.  We should find out the results of the TPR consult.  It has been disclosed to me that Uncle has been busy defaming our GAL and me a bit too.  Nice!  I'm ready to defend myself need be.  I will not have lies told about me to make him look like a saint.  He is not...*for the record I'm not either*!  The truth will be told in a very respectful way.  The Lord knows this man's true character and motive.  If it's the Lord's will for Baby to go live with him then He must have a reason that is far beyond my understanding!  I just have to trust Him.

Blessed

We attend a large church in our area and like most large churches it is hard to get to know people *really* know people unless you take part in a life group (various churches call this different names).  Anyway, another adoptive family who used to be foster parents (who read this blog too :) ) began a life group with an adoption ministry focus and we have several families who have adopted as well as an adoptee herself :)

Last night we went to group and were totally blessed with a gift for Squirt...a super cute outfit and some adorable pj's!  They then all laid hands on us and prayed over our family and the work that we are doing as adoptive/foster parents.  Can I just tell you how blessed we were??  SO often as foster parents a new addition is often met with "what? you got another one?"  rather than a more positive greeting and welcome to our lives!  I get it...I really do.  People don't know how to always deal with families like ours...that may change frequently or have new members added quickly! lol!  We are so excited to be a part of this group and have that support from others who know!

Sometimes I think *I* expect way too much from outsiders and then I get disappointed when they don't respond the way I thought they should.  Ya know...like how everyone would bring a meal to a woman that just gave birth, but with foster parents we are expected to add a kid into the mix and jump back into real life the next day...no breaks from work, home schooling, cooking, cleaning, or whatever! But I also think that it has to start WITHIN like our group is doing!  Those of us who are foster/adoptive parents need to be supporting other foster/adoptive parents and it will spread like wildfire (hopefully!!!)

I understand that not all people can foster or adopt (or should for that matter!) BUT we can ALL support those in the trenches doing this hard work.  Don't get me wrong, it's SOOOO rewarding, but it's not all roses either (if you have read my blog for any length of time you know this!lol!)  I HIGHLY recommend you pray and consider how YOU can come alongside other families.

• Most significantly of course is PRAYER but other ideas could include 
• volunteering to watch the other kiddos for a while and do something fun with them (new placements are hard on the other children too...it all takes adjustment)
• bring them a meal soon after the child is brought into their home
• bring that tired Mom or Dad their favorite snack/candy and beverage (of course for me that would be COFFEE!) :)
• send encouraging words throughout the week via FB, text, phone call, or email :)
• ASK about the child and his/her adjustments
• Be a good listener!  Sometimes we need to just vent about how horrible that bio-parent made us feel, or how frustrated we are with the courts or a case worker or the craziest thing that happened on a visit :)

These are just a handful of ways that you can help to support foster and adoptive parents!  PLEASE consider how YOU will be involved in the lives of these children and amazing families!  AND....all you foster/adoptive parents out there...ADD to my list in the comments section below!  Let's give each other ideas on how to bless the socks off of other foster/adoptive parents!!!!

New One!

Squirt came home from his day long visit today with his family members and the CM tells me that Mom would like for me to send his dirty laundry with him on his visits and she will wash/dry them and send a variety of outfits for him each time.  I started laughing and looked at her like "is she serious?"  The CM "T" from here on out said that she told them we have the capabilities to do laundry here but she insists on it and wants to provide all his outfits.  A bit of pain in the tooshie to make sure I have things separated and with him on every visit, but whatever!

I think I've mentioned before that we have a house rule that we need to get to know bio-parents before we hand out our phone number.  T said "I think it's best that you communicate with this family through {our county agency} because they are a bit crazy!"  She said that of course they usually encourage foster parent/bio parent contact, but in this case it is in our best interest to keep it through her.  No problem! :)

T has restored my faith in the fact that good and efficient CM's exist!!!  It's amazing the difference between her and our current CM for Baby!  Night and Day!  I guess my (empty) threats of being fed up and quitting because of Baby's CM were heard by our Merciful God! lol!

Our morning

This morning I met Squirt's Bio-grandma for our first hand off.  She seemed nice and wanted to chat for awhile.  She asked me for more visits and she is already getting more than her 8 hours so I directed her to the CM.  She was very interested that I home schooled and she said she wanted to home school her grandsons, but Bio-Mom wanted them to go to school.  She met my kids and was curious about which children were ours and how many foster children we had.  She also commented on how much Squirt eats.  We now have 2 little ones that literally eat more than I do and then throw a FIT when it's all gone!!  I simply don't know where Squirt puts it...he's so tiny!

Then we came home and I got a text from Mr. Wonderful Uncle that asked to have Baby today because he was planning an event for the kids.  His overnight visit is scheduled from Sat. at 9am until Sunday at 3:30.  I wrote him back and said I could accommodate a visit today and that I would then pick him up tomorrow afternoon at 4:00.  I have not received a text back-LOL!!  I'm sorry, but as far as I know they do not  have a current homestudy which is technically required for an overnight visit.  Having one last December from another agency is apparently "good enough." for the CM.  UGH!  He can take my offer or leave....I don't really care which days it is.

Ya know how you can feel when someone is genuine?  Yeah...this guy is totally FAKE and it's all a show!  That's part of what makes me so frustrated!  The CM and agency see what they want to see :(

The TPR consult is being held sometime today!!!!  I have no idea when and the CM is on vacation so I don't know when I will find out.  I will be calling/texting and emailing Monday morning...that's for sure!!!!! :-)

Ready for this rain to be over with...I want some sunshine back!!!

Court today

Short story if you want to skip the rest is that Baby is not being moved right now and nothing much was accomplished in court!

Longer story if you are interested :).....

When I arrived I was the first one there.  After awhile bio-Dad walked in.  Baby wanted NOTHING to do with him.  I tried to encourage him to go over to him, but he would not.  He clung to me and refused to get down.  I got up and walked over to Dad and sat with Baby near him and he threw the LOUDEST tantrum ever and refused to be near him!  Well that just put Dad in a sour mood and rather than scooping him up or trying to have Baby warm up to him he ignored him, refused eye contact, and you could tell he was downright ticked off.  WHAT DO YOU EXPECT????  

We ended up waiting for 1 1/2 hours past our court time to see the magistrate only.  Right then and there I knew NOTHING was going to be decided today.  Uncle showed up with Baby's siblings and made himself look good (or he at least tried to put a little effort in today!)  He said "Hey man what's up?" to Baby and for the rest of our wait time he talked to a friend he drug along and on his phone while I babysat his kids on the other side of the waiting area.  Nice...

So in court the drama was mainly centered around discrepancies in Bio-Dad's story and the CM's story.  Her poor skills were shown clearly in court today.  I almost felt bad for her!  I don't know how many times the magistrate had to rephrase what seemed to me to be a very straight forward question-lol!  She was ticked...that was clear!  

At the very end Baby started crying and getting loud so we were asked to leave the courtroom (again...pointless for him to be there).  I was told later by the GAL and CM that Uncle chimed in and said "Umm I thought we were here to talk about Baby's placement and having him moved to our house since we have his brother and sister"  He then asked everyone to go around the room and state what they thought to be best.  I CANNOT even believe the magistrate entertained this nonsense!  The CM had no opinion until after the TPR consult (Friday) but the GAL spoke up and clearly said he should stay with us!! :)  Uncle I'm sure was mad because he got all dressed up and brought kids to court to look the part and got a waste of time in return!

Oh and as for visits...they are to remain unsupervised however if he has a positive test OR misses any screens he will go back to supervised visits.  This all of course because creatine is naturally occurring in foods, blah blah!  Yeah...I do not like Dad's lawyer...he was the same one who fought for the nonsense with Michael's Bio-Dad!  I understand he's doing his job, but seriously???  How does he sleep at night??? :(  

From here (I feel like I need a flow chart!)....after the TPR consult we will know if we can fight for TPR.  If so and we get it then we will hopefully be chosen as his adoptive family (aunt/uncle could still be chosen).  If no TPR can be fought for then the will do a pretty quick turn around to move Baby to aunt/uncle for PG.  Uncle has the option of filing a motion to get Baby moved asap...not sure if he will do this or wait for the TPR consult results.  

So....I am counting today as a VICTORY because Baby is still in our home with no immediate move date in sight....yet.  KEEP PRAYING FOR US!!!!!!!!!!!!  I leftt with Uncle and Bio-Dad talking about their issues and honestly I could have cared less....so I said goodbye and walked out.  I couldn't stomach listening to Uncle's excuses for not being in Baby's life until 3 months ago and I am sooooo tired of listening to Bio-Dad whine about how nothing is done for him.  Sometimes I feel like saying "suck it up big guy!  We have to get jobs, pay bills, and pay for a house by ourselves...I think you can do it too!"  I know...that's not showing compassion at all, but sometimes you gotta stand on your own two feet and be responsible!!  

 

Court tomorrow

Tomorrow is the BIG day!!!!!  All the big players in this case will be at court.  Bio-dad, aunt/uncle, me and all the other case people.  The CM is coming in from her vacation just to be at this JR.  This could be the day...............

• that Baby is ordered to live with his aunt/uncle asap  OR
• that we get to move forward attempting TPR for bio-dad and Baby stays put during that process

If I had to GUESS what this judge is going to do I would say that she will consider the TPR paperwork (it has not gone through the legal dept yet) that is in the process of being filed and DELAY everything until that has been considered.  I *think* that Baby will get to stay here with us until that is done and we head to trial *should the legal dept say there is enough to move forward**  That is being staffed on Friday.  Convenient huh?  2 days AFTER court!!!

So....I have to drop 3 kids off at a friend's house then drive to another foster mom friend's house to drop off Squirt and then head to the courthouse for court at 1:30.  I am praying that it really happens at least within an hour of that...it would be really nice for this Mommy full of nerves!!!!!

On another note....I rrrreeeeaaaallllyyyy like Squirt's CM so far!!!  She even called me to tell me she was running 15 min late this morning!!!  So Squirt's case is a bit tricky for visitation because Mom, Grandma and Great-Grandma were all granted 8 hours unsupervised visits.  WHAT??  So the way we have worked it out is for Grandma to pick up Squirt on Tues/Friday (I drive on Fridays) at a meeting spot about 9am.  She has him until Mom gets out of school at 2pm and then she has her visit and Grandma brings him back to the meeting spot for drop off at about 5:30pm.  So that will be 2 full days where Squirt is gone a week!  I'm not used to that!  I have  no idea about Great-Grandma's role yet.  Oh and the best part is that the meeting spot is literally 5 minutes from my house.  I have NO problems transporting 5 min. away!  It will take me longer to load the kiddos than it will for me to get him to the visit-lol!  For Baby I have to drive nearly 30 min one way :(  

ANY AND ALL PRAYERS ARE APPRECIATED FOR TOMORROW'S COURT HEARING!!!!!!

An interview with Michael :)

How does the grass get green?  You put rain on it

Where does our food come from?  The refirgerator! (he said it like that :) )

What's your favorite food?  Hamburgers

What do our bodies need to grow big? Hamburgers and oatmeal

What's your favorite color? Green

Whose your favorite person to play with?  Daddy

Whose your favorite friend at church? Meghan (surprise there!)

Who made the sun? God did!

What do you like to do with Squirt? Playing with some toys

What happens when you go to court?  God go-ed to court.  Dontavius go to court.  I get adopted!

I was surprised he actually answered the questions :)  Random fun on a Sunday afternoon!

The babies...

Squirt is on the left and Baby on the right.  The size difference isn't as drastic when they are sitting down.  Just 2.5 months apart they fight like crazy and are in constant competition.  Squirt has been biting and hitting so that keeps things interesting!  Baby just stands there or cries and runs to me for comfort.  He bigger and stronger but acts helpless-LOL!  My twins :)

What happens when Mommy is in the shower!

Baby found brother's full bowl of oatmeal and took the opportunity while I was in the shower and everyone else scattered in other rooms to stand on the chair, help himself to the oatmeal and make a huge mess.  When I discovered it I just started laughing....he was so proud of himself!!!