Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Looks like goodbye

Wow...it doesn't even seem like this could even be real.  The staffing for Baby happened today.  Baby's Uncle/Aunt and Bio-Dad DID NOT EVEN SHOW!  The CM attempted to reach them by phone and neither answered.  Why am I not surprised?

The TPR results were that they would not given a recommendation because of a missing piece.  Well, the missing piece cannot happen until Dad messes up again.  Of course Dad just messed up so he is on his best behavior and we can bank on 3-6 months of having it together.  So...no tpr....which means yep.....goodbye!

The agency has already filed the motion and simply are waiting for a court date.  It still surprises me how much focus is put on things that don't even matter.  Our first good bye will be coming up soon.  He will have been in our care probably 17 months by that point....straight from the hospital at 3 days old.  Heartbroken doesn't even seem to cover what I am feeling right now.  This is gonna be a tough road to walk.

Of course the song "Hurt and the Healer" came on the radio on the way home and the tears started flowing!  My eyes are puffy, but I have to trust that God's ways are better than my ways and He knows what I don't know.  My heart breaks thinking that we will not be the one's raising that sweet boy, but at the same time I am relieved that I will not have that uncle in our lives for the next ?? years!

We have such supportive friends and my family has been wonderful!  It's with them and God's grace that I know things will be ok and God will heal our hurts.  Baby will always be my son in my heart...that's for sure!  Please remember us in your prayers.  Especially pray for Baby and his heart as he will be going through this huge transition as well as the hearts of my other boys.  This is gonna hurt them so much.  They've never been through this before and I have a feeling we'll have lots of anger going around this house.  When my boys are stressed/scared, etc it's more fights, more aggression and more anger.  We are praying for wisdom to  help them through this and process these super big feelings!  We are not telling them until closer to the court date (all they know is that Mommy is sad today).


CherubMamma said...

That's rough!
I'm praying for you and your family!

Rachael said...

Oh, man. That is going to be so hard for all of you. Lots of warm thoughts coming your way.

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

I shared with our olders today what was happening and we prayed together for you, for your children, and for baby. I know you are hurting and grieving- feel free to call or stop by or scream over the phone anytime!!! WE ARE PRAYING!!!!

Mrs. Bird said...

I'm so sorry. We said goodbye after 14 months. It was devastating. You're all in my prayers...all I can say is it's okay to grieve. Allow yourself to grieve.

His Hands His Feet Today said...

I was just talking today about early childhood trauma and it's lasting (into adulthood) effects. I am choosing to believe that you altered the course of his life and that is something you can sleep in peace every night knowing :).

Tama Nagel said...

We lost ours in January after 14 months (we also had him straight from the hospital) so I understand your feelings completely. Just be glad that you did for him while you could and trust that God will continue to protect him. Make the most of the rest of your time with him (we took our children to Disney as a final "hoopla"). Trust in yourself that you showed him love that noone else could and he had a strong start for what you gave him. Noone can take that from you, or him.
~Forever a foster <3

Mitzy said...

So sorry, I will be praying for you, Baby and your family.