He's back :)

He got back about an hour and half after he left and I was able to breathe again :) Apparently he did well and so far since he has been back he has been doing well, so that is all good news. I am very interested to see what tonight's sleeping will be like! Praying that we have a good night as well :)

I had offered to have the birthparents call me from the CM cell phone if they had any questions about his development/behaviors, but they never called. I found it odd, because she has asked his CM several times to have my phone number. I told her that I was not willing to give that out (I have no idea who these people are!) but that I would speak to them on the CM's cell during the visit. CM said the only things that they wanted to know were my race and what I used on his hair because it smelled good. Ummmmmm.....ok! I guess it's just me, but if I hadn't seen my son for a month I would be asking a heck of a lot more questions!

There was a court date yesterday and apparently some "stuff" wasn't taken care of, so I have no idea where we are going from here! Apparently we also are going to have a new CM already (just got this one last week!) but the current CM only knows her first name and can't get in contact with her. I am a pretty organized, "know what you're doing/have a plan" kind of person and this is really a growing experience for me!! God must want me to learn more patience, because He certainly has put me in a situation to learn :)!

Birthparent visit

Little Man is off to his first birthparent visit this morning. I have such mixed feelings about this! I know that the goal of foster care is reunification with his birth family and I PRAY that they really are going to work their case plan and be reunited, but at the same time it's been a month since he has seen her (and "acting daddy"). I wish I could be a fly on the wall right now. I am wreck right now waiting to hear how it all went!

I knew the call was coming this morning...I could sense it. The whole morning was "off" and Little Man screamed for 45 minutes (in my arms!) and never took a nap. The morning nap is usually his smoothest. His case manager called soon after he stopped and they are meeting right now.

I didn't realize how much just a visit with them was going to affect me. It's even affecting Mr. A's behavior. It's a very hard thing for a child to grasp :( It's part of the process, but that doesn't make it any easier. I can't imagine the basket case I'll be if/when he goes back to his parents permanently! It's amazing the bond that God can create in such a short amount of time :)

Added Bonus!

When we were taking our foster care classes we learned that licensed foster parents get a discount every month on a membership to the YMCA. Now that we have our official license we called and checked it out! We get a discount of 80%!!!!!!!! It will only be about $16 a month for our whole family!! I can't wait to get all the kids in the heated pool :) Mr. M and I are excited to get in shape again, although Little Man has jump started that...I'm down 5 pounds already from all the bouncing and being so busy I'm forgetting to eat-LOL! Ready to be active again!!

Merry CHRISTmas!!!!

Merry CHRISTmas everyone!! I pray that you are celebrating the birth of our Savior with your family and friends!! Today is a wonderful day as we watch the kids listen as the story of Jesus's birth is told, and then tear open their gifts! We do 3 gifts each to show the significance of the wise men's gifts :-)

It was bittersweet watching Little Man open (ok...he had a little help from some loving foster brothers!) his presents. As I watched the joy on his face when he saw his new light up crawling ball, my heart felt sad that his birthmother/father weren't there to enjoy those moments. His FIRST Christmas! My heart also broke to know that they could have celebrated with him but aren't. I'm not here to judge..that's God's job alone and they will need to show account to him for their actions, but the situation is just so sad.

However, we are SO BLESSED that we got share those moments with him and that we get to have him in our lives for however long God decides! :)

Be Blessed Friends!!!

It's Gonna Be Worth It!

Attachment

Ahhh...this is a whole new experience..ok well not totally new, but definitely with a twist! I know plenty about attachment and ways to help encourage it from our other adoptions, but with Mr. A he was only 4 days old and although he grieved some, we were really all he knew outside of the womb. With Mr. I coming home at 1 year old it was much more challenging, but in Korea he had a healthy attachment with his foster family which made it much easier for us to form a strong attachment.

With Little Man things are different! He is 6 months old, has experienced things he never should have had to and did not experience a healthy attachment. I believe he had an attachment to his parents (at least Mom), but not what is healthy/typical. The first several weeks were ok and I realized he was experiencing some grieving, but nothing like we have been seeing recently! Whew! This kid has a scream to pierce the soul! Mostly it shows up only at naptimes or bedtime. He wakes often (to make sure we are still there) and before he goes to sleep he will scream, arch, rage for 10-15 and then suddenly relax and go to sleep. I'll be honest..this is NOT easy, but as I posted on facebook this morning, 'God is not concerned with our comfort; He's concerned with our character.'

I have some amazing friends who have given us great suggestions to help Little Man (and us!) and we would love if you would join us in praying for his attachment to us to develop and that he develops trust in us as well. Thank you!!!

Case Manager!

We have one! It is nice to have a contact person now and while we really didn't gain any more info about what is going on we did learn of court dates and the case plan meeting, so that is good to know that things are moving along. His parents don't currently have visitation, so they will miss sweet baby's first Christmas :( This breaks my heart! We are blessed though that we are the ones who get to share this momentous occasion with him :)!

6 months old!!!

I am so bummed that I can't really share his picture here because he is so stinkin' cute, but little man is 6 months old today! In the 18 days he has been here he has learned to roll more efficiently (gotten his arms out from under him), sit independently, begin to hold his bottle, begin to self-feed and more :) He is such a little blessing to all of us and feel special to get to be a part of this sweet baby's life!

Questions/Comments

Whenever I go out with the three kids I get quite the stares, looks, and sometimes comments. I have one bi-racial child (White/Asian), one Korean, and another bi-racial (white/black). You can see the wheels in their heads turning and sometimes I wonder what on earth they are thinking (their ages are 5yrs, 3yrs, 5mos). Of course there are times when there is no question what they are thinking when they make an insensitive or rude comment, but I have tried really hard to think of these people as uneducated and not just ignorant. I can think of many topics/situations where if I were to try to comment I too would sound dumb, however if I was given more info on the topic I would be able to speak more appropriately about it.

I have come to think of my life as an opportunity to educate those who have no clue about adoption, foster care, trans-racial families, etc. God has given us a special purpose to care for these children, and I believe that along with that goes the responsibility to share how positive these things are and how their lives can be touched by them too! In addition to that, because I have taken the time to educate them on proper language, appropriate questions, etc, the next time they meet an adoptive/foster family, they won't make that same mistake, and through a chain reaction, change can be made :)

On the mend

THANK GOD Little Man is on the mend!!! Last night was rough, but the two nights before that we each got consecutive hours of sleep! He is sounding so much better and we are praying that this was an isolated incident and not something that happens every time he gets sick or that it is asthma. Time will tell us the answer to that. He still has a horrible cough, but at least it is a congested cough and not a "I can't breathe" cough. We took the kids to the park yesterday and he simply LOVED the sand on his feet. It was so cute to hear him giggle (after so much crying lately) as he dug his feet into the sand....no sensory problems there! :-)

We haven't heard anything else about his case and we *should* be assigned a case worker this week (I would think) so that things can move forward. He has been here for a few days shy of 2 weeks, but we all love him so much already! Mr. A and Little Man already have a special little bond and if I say Mr. A's name he starts looking around. The same goes for if he hears his voice but can't see him. Today Mr. A said "I just love my whole family...including "M"! " I love to see how my kids have wrapped their hearts around this little guy and have shown him sibling love. I hate to think what their reactions will be when (if) we have to say goodbye to him at some point. This is where we put all that faith in trust in God to help us handle that!!!

Overall, Little Man is doing great! He is trying some news foods, actively working at getting around and blessing our lives :)

Our Little Man adventures....

Last week Little Man started with a cough/cold. I wasn't too concerned, until I started to hear wheezing in the middle of night a few nights ago. He made it through the day on Wednesday, but by Wed night I knew he had to be seen. So, off to the ER we went where they immediately treated him with the nebulizer. We stayed for awhile, and they gave him another treatment and some steroids. He was doing better but we needed to follow up with the pediatrician the next morning. He had a rough night that night. Yesterday morning at the ped. he got 2 more treatments and we were told to continue with the meds and come back in the morning. Today he sounded better, but still is retracting and wheezing a bit. She said if he continues like this he should be able to handle it, but if he gets any worse he will need to be hospitalized :(
PRAYING that doesn't happen! We will be back in her office Monday morning for Isaac (re-check) and for little man to be checked on. At this rate I'll owe people "I owe you's" for Christmas-LOL!

More details...

Last night we had Little Man's first CPI visit. Basically she just came over to take his picture and ask if we had any questions. She wasn't able to tell us the whole story of what happened, but she did give us some more details about the situation and how he came into care happened. It totally breaks my heart! I can't share details here for confidentiality reasons, but please be praying for these children...not just Little Man, but ALL children in foster care! Based on what we were told, it looks like Little Man will be here for quite awhile.

Last night was a tough one! He wouldn't sleep unless I was standing up and holding him on my chest! Seriously, I got about 3 hours of sleep. I just keep thinking of things from his perspective and that definitely helps me to remain more patient and calm amidst the screaming-LOL! My husband said "That's a sight I'll never forget. You walking back and forth giving such love to someone else's child trying to calm him down." Awww :) I have toothpicks holding my eyes open today, but the baby is happy and the other kids are having a much better day today as well, so Praise God for it all!!!!!!!!!

Sick

Well two nights ago was grieving and last night although better was still a challenge because he was up not being able to breathe. Poor thing how has a chest cold and his little cough is just pitiful :( Despite being sick, his attitude has been pretty good today. He is getting really good at rolling and he is already trying to get his knees up to do the army crawl! Yikes...we could be in trouble. He is definitely starting to teeth and there is drool galore! His poor chin has a terrible rash from all the wetness. We are trying to keep it dry and put Vit. E on it to heal the skin and it seems to be improving. Please all you established mommies if you have any other suggestions please pass them along :)

Our sleepywear carrier arrived the other day and we are totally in LOVE!! It took me a few times to get it right and tight enough, but once he is in there he is quiet in seconds and usually asleep in minutes! He giggles each time he sees me putting it on :)!!

I tell ya...the absolute hardest thing about foster care is going to be having to return them back to their parents. We as foster parents must love them with all our hearts and not hold back any love because of our fear of loss. These kids deserve no less than all that we have. Should Sweet Baby return to his birthmom, then God must have a plan in it all and we just have to obey and trust that He has a greater plan. Man will we grieve, but Sweet Baby is worth every tear! Many have asked us how long he will be here, and the answer we give is that we have NO idea! Although it is considered an abandonment case, there is birthmother contact, so I'm not really sure how this will proceed. We will just take it a day at a time and enjoy our time with Little M :)

Totally exhausted!

Two nights ago and then yesterday it became glaringly obvious that sweet baby has a major gas/digestion issue and was in a lot of pain and just plain unhappy :( A friend suggested I try soy formula and see if that works. I went out yesterday and got a can and couldn't believe the difference!! He is so much happier and although he still needs to burp several times a feeding, he doesn't scream in agony anymore :)!!! BUT...last night I think he really started to grieve his loss :( Actually it's a good thing (rather than not dealing with it), but he would not let us set him down at all. Usually he falls asleep in my arms, and then I lay him down with no issue. We tried several times to no avail...he started screaming the minute we laid him down. So...I slept with him in my arms most of the night (note: HE slept...hence my title!) and I am praying that tonight he is able to sleep in his crib again. If I get a chance I will try to post something about little ones and grieving later. I have gotten comments in the past (in regards to my other children) from people who do not believe that babies experience stress or grieve...that's simply not true! He is very aware that things are not "right" and he just has to express that differently. Ok..sweet baby is crying again..off I go!

Still looking good!

Things with Little M are still going well! He went down at 7:30 last night :) He woke up at 11:30 b/c of gas, and then 4:30 again because he soaked through his diaper, his gums were bothering him (the joys of teething!) and a bottle. He went back to sleep after that and slept until 8:00! I can do this schedule!!! It is horribly embarrassing, but my arms are killing me! This chunky monkey weighs in at 18lbs and my weakling arms aren't used to carrying an 18 lb weight around all day-LOL! The carrier will certainly help with that :) I think he may be starting with a bit of a cold, so I need to check into his Medicaid status today just in case he needs to be seen. I have a few other calls to make today and then our FDS will be over this afternoon to meet Little M :) It's definitely an adjustment having a baby in the house again (pre-thinking everything!) but it really has been a joy! Mr. A and Mr. I (yes! He's coming around) are loving on sweet Little M and giving him kisses galore! Mr. I was even kissing him this morning while he fed him his bottle :) There's something so cute about a 5yo saying in a high pitch voice "who's my cute baby?" over and over that just tickles me-LOL!

So Blessed!

Many of you have probably noticed my wishlist of sorts in the right hand column. Well....I have been wanting a Moby carrier ever since I heard of them, BUT today I got a comment (see below) from a woman who sells the sleepy wrap (http://www.sleepywrap.com/) The only difference is the material they are made of. She chose to bless us with a free one!!!! God is so good and using Little M to touch the hearts of many already :) I encourage you to check our her website and look into getting one for your little ones!! Thanks again Ashley!!

First morning together...

Well Little M is a GREAT sleeper!!! He went to sleep at 8:30 last night and slept until 7:30 this morning without waking up at all!!!! :) He got up and Mr. I helped me feed him a bottle :) Mr. A is totally in love with Little M!! He was sad when he went down for a nap. He played with him all morning. At about 9:30 Little M went down for a nap and slept for another hour. CPI just picked him up about 1/2 hour ago for his medical check-up. I would not be surprised if he was 20 lbs! I need to start working out just to carry him around-LOL!

The details of why he came to us are pure heartbreaking, but we feel so blessed that God choose us to take care of this little one. He is just so sweet and is a blessing to our family!

We took a break from homeschooling this morning to get adjusted and get a feel for Little M.'s routine and what our new "normal" will look like :)

He's here!

We got a call this evening that a little 5 mo old baby boy was abandoned and needed a home! We of course said yes! He is here :) He arrived sleeping and Mr. A and Mr. I were disappointed. He woke up about 1/2 hour later screaming his little lungs out! LOL! He is a heavy little guy and doesn't look like he's missed many feedings at all. He LOVES the Christmas tree and the looking at the lights got him to stop crying and I even got some smiles and laughs :) He is simply sweet! He had a bottle about 8:30 and fell asleep after some bouncing in my arms in about 5 min. Not bad! Poor thing has had a very long and hard day...praying we all get some sleep tonight! My other two are both not feeling well so I joked with Mr. M that God was preparing me this week for a baby! :)