Birthparents

So we continue to get emails from Michael's mom and it sounds like she is doing better :)  She is so excited to get a picture that he drew and in her last email she asked for one for birthdad too.  She told me about extra siblings that I didn't even know he had-oh boy!  She swore up and down that she didn't have any contact with bio-dad.  I knew better!  It's all under the bridge now and doesn't matter anyway.

So Michael set out to make 2 pictures today.  I hadn't gotten out a picture of "A" in awhile.  I think it was more for my sanity.  He knows her name and that she's his birthmom, but hadn't seen her in awhile.  This is him talking to her picture and showing her the picture that he drew of her.  I found a few other pictures that he wanted to walk around with today as well.  She's not a small woman and at one point he looked at me and said "Mom, A is big!"  and proceeded to draw a very large circle for his picture of her.  Oh the bluntness of kids.  He then went on to talk about how she can come to our house for dinner.  Ummm...I don't think she'll ever be back in this state, but ya never know!

Of course this spurred Isaac to make a picture for his birth dad.  His situation is SO different and being an international adoption we have so little information...just a last name right now.  This is so hard for him because he is Mr. Sensitive and very emotional and everyone else having a name/face/pictures of their birthparents is very difficult for him.  So we draw them pictures and tuck them away.  Maybe I should send them to the agency "just in case."  We try instead to focus on his foster family that had him from birth-age 1.  We have pictures of them and his foster brother/sister that adored him.  We choose to focus on all the positives and "knowns" vs. what is still a mystery.  He's even made a short video for them thanking them for taking care of him.  He "gets it" because of what we are doing now  :)  I see our "goodbye" to his foster mom that day in such a different way now as the day of our goodbye looms ahead.

And then there is Andrew....he would rather not talk about any of it.  He doesn't want to draw pictures, he doesn't want to talk to them, he doesn't want to deal with this yet.  BUT....there are times when a snippet of "something" comes out and I pounce to take advantage of that situation whether it's simply talking about how they are alike (animal lovers ALL THE WAY!) or where they live, etc.  I will talk for however long that door stays open...usually a matter of minutes. He does however make lots of comments about "this is the way we do it China" (he's 1/2 Chinese) or "that's a common dish we make in China."  No, he's never been there, but that's how he processes it and his identity.

3 different kids all in different stages of dealing with their adoptions and all in different ways.  There is no right or wrong way, it's all about them, what they need at that moment and how they want to process it...we're here to facilitate and help them along the way :)