Feeling

As we continue to wait for THE court date I can't help but think that maybe God is using this time for another purpose.  Things keep going through my brain like "what if Uncle/Aunt change their mind?  What if something happens in their lives and they aren't able to take Baby?  What if the judge sees through to the heart of the matter...that WE are his family...not blood, but family!"  I have one foot in reality....I've already packed a lot of his clothes, have his life book made, gathered lots of his toys, wrote out his current schedule,etc.  The other foot is thinking about all the "what if's" mentioned above.

A month or so ago when I thought that he was going for sure (soon!), him leaving was the only thing I thought about.  I don't know why there is this huge delay in getting a court date (2+ months??!!) but I can only pray that God is using this for Baby's good...one way or another.  Most days we just move through like life is normal...then a social worker calls or someone needs to visit and the reality of him leaving is back in the front of my mind.

I don't want my baby to leave, but I loathe this limbo that we've been in for 2+ months!  Just tell me what's gonna happen!  I was told to expect a court date (for this coming up week) last week.  Friday I texted the CM and she said that since it had been so long if legal had not contacted her by COB on Friday her supervisor would get involved...why it's taken so long I have no idea!  So...maybe this week we will hear????

Next week (the 31st) my Baby will be 18 months old.  18 months.  Having him from 3 days old with a non-offending father and family in the area....never did I think that we would have him 18  months later....still not knowing exactly what will happen.  Baby will most likely be leaving, but we serve a "suddenly" God and ANYTHING is possible with HIM!