Crazy visit day

So I am in the middle of a packing mess! I packed baby's bag for a visit today and absentmindedly forgot the formula. He usually only has 3 a day now (6-8 oz)..morning, mid-day and night. Of course I didn't realize this happened until bio-dad texted me. I told him the type of formula and perhaps he could go to the store and buy a small can. Of course realistically I didn't expect that and just figured baby would wait till he got home. I was wrong....

A bit later I got 2 very random weird sounding texts that I couldn't even understand. HUH? Something about baby being sick. I told him that no, he wasn't sick he is teething (terribly!! we were up all night). Ok...then I get something that said he was grateful that we were good people. Ok :)

When Baby got home he was miserable from his teeth and the CM said that dad said the visit should have been cancelled. I guess that hit a bit of a nerve because I kinda went off on the CM a bit. I told her that he is not sick, he is teething and that's what being a parent is all about....the good, the bad and the ugly. Teething is definitely the ugly, I get that, but he should experience it all :) Maybe I'm a bit feisty from being up all night...maybe I wanted a break...just being real here!

Then I unpack baby's bag...remember he didn't get the formula, or the water?? Yeah...it was some nasty red gatorade in the baby's cup! :( Yuck...we tend to stay away from all things fake and artificial and that's just gross for a baby to drink. It at least could have been apple juice. Just sayin! Just for the record, baby was fine and didn't even want the bottle because it hurts him to suck :(

So the afternoon continues and baby needs a diaper change. I take off his pants to discover that dad put his diaper on BACKWARDS!!!! WHAT???? Baby is almost 11 months old and he has never done this before. Weird! I'm not sure if "something" was going on or if he was just frazzled from having to deal with a fussy baby. Hmmmm......

So that was our visit experience today. You better believe that I won't forget the formula ever again...well for the month he's left on it. Next week's visit will probably be a day or two before we move. I have a stack of papers to fill out for getting the new home licensed. Yes...I have 48 hours to get all of it done after we move in. That includes a health inspection and a social worker visit and some more paperwork she will bring with her. As if moving isn't enough!

Ok....I will stop whining now, pull up my big girl panties and move on! :)

Pulmonologist

Baby went back to the pulmonologist yesterday and when the Dr. listen he said he sounded GREAT! I was so excited to hear that after all that we have been through with his RSV. The Dr. then mentioned that kids who have been hospitalized with RSV have a much higher chance of developing asthma due to it. Couple that with the original reasons we are seeing him and baby is now being put on a very low dose inhaler. 2 puffs once a day. Let me tell you...I LOVE THIS THING!! If you have ever had to use a nebulizer, you know just how crazy long they take. I was so excited to get a little contraption that is a holding chamber for the "puff" and then baby just takes 5-6 breaths. 1 min break. Do it again and DONE!! He also gave me albuterol in the same form for "as needed" issues that arise. Ummm....I really wish they would have given this to me SOONER!! :)

Quiet

Wow...all those feelings of Baby's aunt calling and wanting him on Christmas were for NOTHING! :) Not only did she not ever call the case manager to ask permission, she didn't call me (totally expected this) yesterday to ask for his visit.

Baby's Dad was going to have a visit last week but then due to his illness Dad said he could just stay here and heal. They had a visit all set up for this Wed. I got a text yesterday saying he all the sudden had to leave town. Hmmm.....When I asked what the emergency was he said that it was his mother's 85th birthday. Something doesn't add up. You don't suddenly leave town for a birthday that has been the same day every year for the past 85 years-lol! Now he says he won't be back until Jan. 3rd. Ok...whatever! :) This has been an ongoing "thing." He says he's going out of town, but he doesn't. Sigh.....

I had a dream last night that I got a text from Baby's dad that said he loved him very much but couldn't care for him and would be adopt him. Ohhh...I am praying that's prophetic and really happens!! :) It would make the upcoming months so much easier :) Easy and foster care aren't words you really put together though-lol!

Little Man's (His nickname here is Moose so that's what I am going to start calling him in blogland too!) bio-mom keeps emailing me and asking me to call her and tell Moose that she loves him and show him her (weird) pictures she sends me, etc. I had to stop responding...she's wearing me out!!!! The last thing that sent me over a bit was when I saw her myspace page. WHOA...talk about living in the past. The whole thing is about Moose. She listed him as her occupation, the title of her page and in her "blurb" it's all about how she is second and she puts him first. Hmmm...really? The only cool part was that she has a few (blurry) pictures of Moose when he was really little. He was soooo pudgy even from the very start! It makes me wonder...why him??? She has 2 other children that she has given birth to and NO mention of them, no pictures, etc. Why Moosie??? Why do we get to deal with her?? LOL!!

Anyway....Christmas was wonderful celebrating Christ's birth :) Baby could have cared less about the presents...all he wanted to do was roll around in the wrapping paper!! LOL!!!

I had no idea...

Wow...after several more emails and some questioning of bio-mom I found out some pretty disturbing things. Wow...thank you God for saving Little Man from that life and potential harm both physically and emotionally. SO MUCH TO BE GRATEFUL FOR!!

Input

So Little Man's bio mom has been emailing a lot again and she just emailed me a picture of his biological sister. She and little Man could be twins...seriously!!! They look exactly alike!! Little P. was adopted at birth by a family in another state. Bio-mom also has a son (9 yrs old) that lives in her state.

All of my children have biological siblings...somewhere! Some I know about and I bet there are more I have no idea about.

QUESTION:

How have you all addressed this issue in your families?? All the bio-siblings I know about are all adopted by other families and not with the bio-parents. Have you asked bio-parents for info (email/phone) to connect with them? How have you talked with your children about this? At what age? I know just by looking at my kids which ones will be ready for this information before others.

Little Man's bio-mom wants me to call her on Christmas...whew...gonna have to pray about that one!

Hallelujah!

Baby had his follow up appt today and the Dr. said he sound GREAT! She thought he just had a treatment when in fact it was 4 hours ago, so WONDERFUL news!! She wants us to space them to 6-8 hours now. NO PROBLEM!! :)

Little Man's stitches also came out today. He was such a big boy while she was snipping and pulling them out. He cried when she was done-LOL!! A lollipop made everything better and other than a cushion bandage for a few more days he is good to go!

Now...I would really appreciate it God if we could stay OUT of the hospital for a bit!!

A couple of things I forgot.....

1) Friday morning when we were admitted I just happened to put on my licensing agency t-shirt. God sure got some attention! I've never had so many inquiries about foster care! Praise God :)

2) A nurse actually asked me how my pregnancy with Baby was. Ummmm....I am super pasty white (even though I live in a state that sees a lot of sun!) and Baby is dark chocolate! LOL! I laughed out loud because I thought she was kidding...she wasn't! lol!! I composed myself and said that I was his foster mother and did not give birth to him :-) A little humor in a tense situation-hee hee!

Ready for things to slow down already!

Friday morning I woke and baby just sounded horrible. The meds he was on had not made a dent in how he was feeling or sounding so I planned on taking him in again. I called the Dr. and she just happened to be out sick so I told the nurse that his RR was 70 (for a boy his age it should be between 30 and 40 typically). She recommended we head to the ER. I called hubby home from work and took him in.

The nurse was really snotty with me about his condition saying that no child gets like this acutely unless there was trigger (her suggestion was a live Christmas tree). I insisted there was nothing new and she continued with her comments. Whatever! The dr. came in and said that he wanted a chest x-ray and RSV / flu test. A bit later it came back that sweet baby had RSV and was given some super strong meds. After one treatment his pulsox was still 89-90 so he said he's have to admit him.

I called my hubby and was not very pleased, but neither was I! We rearranged our weekend and plans completely. It was a lllloooonnnggg 3 days of treatments every 2-4 hours and we became good friends with the suction machine and percussor! I was practically begging the nurse to get me out of there!!! I had about 1-2 hours of sleep each night and we couldn't leave the room because he was contagious. For this Momma of 4 who is constantly moving, sitting in a small room was torture! lol! I thought my arms were going to fall off as well from holding baby 24/7! Time to get back to the gym for sure :)

At 5:00pm last night we were released. I told baby we were going home and he raised his little IV'd arm and said "Pay Gah!" (Praise God!) Soooooo sweet!!! Today he continues to sleep a lot and is very whiny and only wants to be held. I can totally understand, but I am grateful that there is another set of arms to take him :)

Due to all of this I missed the pick up for the foster angel gifts so our wonderful social worker picked them up for me today. They have been so blessed once again this year, although I'm not quite sure baby is going to be so interested in the High School Musical remix-lol! Maybe we can bless someone else with that!

I was pleasantly surprised that Baby's dad realized the situation for what it is and agreed to delay a visit (even on Christmas week) so baby can heal. What a contrast to our other case where the child's needs were not thought of first (by the birthparents).

So that's us...we are trying to catch up and finish things up for the holidays. :) So excited to see Baby on his first Christmas :)

The rest of us...

Baby and Little Man have had terrible colds that they seem to just keeping passing back and forth for the past month. Well last week the 2 older boys joined in and yesterday so did I!! Didn't this stinkin' cold get the message that I have a TON of stuff on my plate this month and this is a really bad time to feel so unproductive!!!!! I have become a disinfecting crazy germ lady!! This must go!!!! Baby is back on regular nebulizer treatments every 4 hours and additionally is cutting his top two teeth. Yeah...sleep....what's that???

I am praying that things slow down a bit so we can enjoy the Christmas season without all this junk!

I texted Baby's Dad to let him know Baby was sick again and the texts he sends back are so sweet. He keeps on thanking me for all we are doing for his son and I think he realizes now just how much we truly do love sweet Baby!!! No news from the CM about aunt calling her. I'm not sure if she has or not. This is the problem with Aunt...she's a whole lotta talk and no action! I'm ok with that this time though-lol! So when she calls on Christmas to see when she can pick up baby I will have to say that she didn't clear things with the CM so he can't go anywhere! She really can't wait to the last minute with this CM because she is NOT good at communication. I can see Aunt calling for approval next Friday (23rd). Yep...that will mean she doesn't get a response!

Settling

Whew...Friday was such a high!!!! Now we are already for court again tomorrow!! The MBI should be pretty straight forward as there are no family members that can care for him and we have had him for so long! :) Praying for a quick hearing and moving on to ADOPTION!!!!

Onto a story.....

Saturday evening everything was going as our Sat. evenings usually do. Minutes later a shrill scream of "MMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!" The tip of Little Man's pinky finger was smashed in the door!!! I opened it quickly and realized that the finger was almost severed. It was holding on by a tiny bit on the bottom. Oh the blood!!! I do not do well with blood whatsoever!!!! I was freaking out and yelling for "A" to get me the phone. Hubby doesn't carry a cell phone and had just left work so I knew he was about 25 min. out. That wasn't going to work! I called our stand-in Nana to come over and I rushed him to the hospital.

I was AMAZED at his calmness in the ER. He didn't cry and after a few minutes he didn't even want to be held. He walked around and charmed people as usual! He was dancing and singing for the nurses :)

The only part he cried about was the shot to numb it, but that was all. They put him in a restraint called a Papoose to keep him from moving and messing with what they were doing. He loves to be sung to so I asked him what he wanted to sing and he said "Jesus Loves Me" I sucked it up for my boy and sang in front of strangers! Much to my surprise not only did Little Man join in singing, so did the doctor and his nurse!!! Jesus was there with my boy fixing his finger :)

They had to put in 4 stitches but it looks like his finger! They warned me that sometimes they can't get it perfect and it ends up a bit crooked :( Praise God they were able to stitch it up nice :) He is doing pretty well with it except he hasn't accepted the fact her can't use it like he usually does. The bandage has come off a few times because he (of course!) insists on being independent and doing things himself. We are just so thankful that he is going to be fine, should have normal usage and our God protected him from total severation!!

This too shall pass/heal....I guess the enemy wasn't as happy about Friday's news as we were huh?! No weapon formed against us shall remain!!!

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our sweet Little Man has officially be FREED!!!!! His birthmom did not show up in court today which automatically had them terminate!! The MBI is usually set for 30 days after the termination date, but the judge said "this case has gone on long enough!" She set the MBI for NEXT WEEK Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's just 4DAYS after termination!! OH HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!!!!! There just aren't enough exclamation points to show how excited to are!!!!!!

It's so sweet....he is up in his room for naptime and I can hear him over the monitor saying "I'm free and ready to be a_________ (insert our last name) Hallelujah!!!!"

I have so many feelings right now...excitement, joy, thankfulness, amazement, but at the same time I feel sad for his birthmom. Sad that she made the choices she made causing her the pain she is feeling right now, sad that she is mourning not getting to be his momma (don't get me wrong...she gave him life and will always be his biological mother, but never Mommy), sad that she has now lost her 4th child. It's easy to be mad at her and the choices she made, but that's not what God wants. God wants me to LOVE her. How that love will look over the years..I am not all that sure yet. I do know that she will be getting a special Bible from Little Man for Christmas because she needs Jesus most of all!!! Maybe my sweet son will be the one who brings his birthmom to Christ!

Crazy joy has now been taken over by thankful tears.......

Little Man's visit

Today was Little Man's CM's monthly visit. Everything went fine and all the kids show off a bit and they have fun with him. As he was filling out his paperwork the last question he always asks is "Is there anything you need?" Usually my answer is "no" but today I enthusiastically said "A signed court order for termination of rights!" :-)

TOMORROW will be a game changing day!!! Rak Chazak!!! (See the War Cry post :) ) I'm white-knuckled for my boy!!! The warfare in my home is very real this week....whoa!!! I have asked more than once who these children are?! All 6 of us are sick in some way or another and yesterday my back totally clenched up and I could barely walk/bend over/lift baby. It's all good though because I know I am fighting FROM victory and FREEDOM is coming for my boy!!!!

Thank you Jesus!

Baby's CM had not returned my email/phone call, so I was glad that she stayed after baby's visit to do her visit :) We talked about it and the aunt has not called her yet. I pleaded my case for baby and she sees how he jumps from her arms to mine when he gets home and he sees her every week! I am confident she will suggest **no** overnight visits at this time, but start with shorter visits. She also was surprised she showed up from nowhere and asked to have him on Christmas! Ahhh....this along with other good news today has made me a happy lady!!!

A War Cry

Getting ready for Friday!

Gotta stop answering the phone!

Today another phone call came. This time it was baby's biological aunt (maternal). If you remember, he was having random visits with his siblings (2 of them live with her) back near the beginning of this case, but hasn't had a visit since June-ish. She called wanting to reconnect and needed the new CM's phone number. She asked me for an overnight visit with baby from Christmas Eve to Christmas night!!!!!!!! She asked if I minded.

So much was running through my mind, but I told her that I would really like him for Christmas morning. She said that Christmas evening overnight to the next day would be ok. UGH!!! I really don't like that she just shows up again because it's the holidays. That's so not fair to baby!!! So he has not seen her in nearly 6 months and now he has to go for an overnight :(

I emailed the case worker and warned her this lady would be calling. I told her that I would really prefer a day visit or at least a playdate or two BEFORE any overnight visits because it's so scary for a baby to go strangers, especially when he's becoming very aware of people he knows vs those he doesn't.

I will wait to hear from the worker today and go from there.....I also do not know what time bio-dad will get with him on the holidays as well. I am all for keeping family connections, but it's just all too convenient for her to be around at the holidays and nothing in between. We'll she if her interest continues after the new year.

Surprise phone call

The other day (Thur) I got a phone call out of the blue from our last respite placement's foster mom. I was surprised and asked how Butterball was doing :) I was pleased to here he's doing well and almost crawling on all 4's! She then went on to explain that he was a temp. placement with her and was supposed to go live with a relative this week. She found out that morning that he would NOT being going to live with this relative.

Enter her question.....could you take him back as a permanent placement???

Ahhhhhhh.....my heart rejoiced and sank at the same time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would LOVE to take this sweet this boy back......BUT one thing that foster care has taught me is to know my limitations! I told her I would talk to hubby and pray about it, but that I think the answer is no. I know that many people easily do "twins" which is what it essentially would be, however, I have my other boys to consider as well. Logistically we simply don't have the room in our house or our car! lol! We are moving in a month+ and I have an entire house to pack. Sigh...not good timing :(

When I prayed I felt a peace at saying "no" because I really think it's the right thing to do at this point, but I am really praying he finds a permanent placement where his little heart can be nurtured and loved :)

(Just for the record, his current placement can't keep him b/c in addition to him she has a 2 month old and a 1 yr old. Her husband, who helps her pull all this off, is out with a bad back and shingles and it's just too much for her to handle alone! )

No trial!

So I finally got an answer that in fact trial will NOT be next Friday :( The GAL was right when she said it's called a "trial call." Basically if bio-mom shows up then they will set an official trial date. If she does not show up then they will CLOSE!!!!! So....if she manages to come from out of state (which she stated in open court that it was impossible for her to get here) for the trial call, then she will have to stay here or return again for the actual trial date to appear in person (whenever that would be!!)

Hmmm....she all of the sudden has dropped off the face of the earth with communication again. I wonder what is going to happen next week???????? Pre-trial was today and from what I have heard, nothing happened :)

TWO YEARS!!!

Today marks the 2 year "anniversary" of when Little Man was dropped off at our door!!! I remember that day as though it were yesterday! He loved looking at the Christmas tree and we got to see his sweet smile for the first time when he saw his reflection in a red bulb :) I cherish the very first picture of my children surrounding his car seat and smiling at this new adventure!

We have been foster parents for 2 years. We have had 2 placements in that entire time. Not at all what we had "planned" but of course we love God's plan for our family better!! There is court today...pre-trial. There has been some talk about next Friday NOT being the actual trial and I will FLIP if this is true :( We continue to walk forward as God has planned, but doing it with a happy heart has been my challenge-lol! I'm a work in progress ok? :)

I can't imagine our lives without our spunky, sassy little 2 year old who continues to challenge me in parenting. Thanks for making me a better momma Little Man :)!

Frustrated!

Today was supposed to be the second try at our homestudy. I got up early, cleaned the whole house only to get a phone call from her saying she thinks we should delay it AGAIN! As you all know trial is December 9th, but on that date the judge *could* sign the actual order OR she could wait a month till her little heart desires to sign it. Nice huh? Next, is the Manifest Best Interest where the GAL will testify as to what she thinks is the best placement for the child. Do you think that could happen at the same time as trial? NOPE! Of course not, that would be too efficient (can you tell I'm annoyed?!) So...that's another hearing AFTER trial...who knows when. And yet another reason we are delaying is because DCF recently changed their fingerprinting requirements and they are no longer good for a year, only 90 days!!! So, since things haven't been happening at all as hoped with the courts our prints will expire in Jan. Add to that our moving in January and it only makes sense to hold off because otherwise she will have to do 2 homestudies.

Sooooooooooo....I have a really clean house, no one coming over and 4 boys to trash it all again this afternoon! Fun times!

Another chatty one!

I don't know how this happened, but God gave us 4 little boys who LOVE TO TALK!!!! If you know my husband or I, you know that we are not very talkative people. Most people describe us as shy or quiet. The other day my parents were in town and we drove across the state to a local attraction. We had to take two cars so I took the two big kids and the baby and hubby took my Dad and Little Man. My Dad by nature is a talker!! He'll talk to ANYONE! So when they got out of the car on the way home and he said "I think I found someone who talks more than I do! I couldn't get a word in edge-wise!" I knew that Little Man had told him anything and everything that popped into his little 2 yo brain for the past hour!

Baby is going to be no different it seems. He is a very LOUD child!!! Not only that, but at 9 months he already signs "more, all-done, milk" and he says "mama, dada, cracker, bubba, hi," and I swore that he tried to say "Grandma" and "Grandpa." I guess when you are totally immersed in language ALL DAY that is what is bound to happen :) He intently watches our mouths as we talk and tries to form the same word/words. We were playing with an old cell phone today as he held it to his ear I said "hi, dada!" and he said "i, da" I know some of you would not count that, but I do! We'll see if he can reproduce that sometime soon before an official "he can say two words together!" declaration is made :)

I love this stage of new language discovery...so fun!!!

Communication

A couple of weeks ago you remember that Baby's dad sent me a note back? He included his most recent cell number and so I decided that I would text him a picture of Baby and say hello :) He was soooo appreciative, so I have tried to send him a text about baby every several days. We went to a local attraction and I got a cute pic of Baby petting a goat so I sent that to him. He was the first one to send a text on Thanksgiving and was very sweet. I sent him some hard copy pictures on Baby's visit last week and shared one of our family. Now that I am more familiar with him I feel a bit more comfortable communicating with him.

In the long run I think this will benefit us all. It's looking more and more like Baby will not be reunified (the goal is now concurrent)simply because of housing/job and the lifestyle Bio-Dad is living. I am hoping that through sending pictures of our family and keeping him in the loop about what's going on, that he will feel comfortable enough and think "maybe this is the best place for him live." I am praying that this case is not drug out the way Little Man's has. I TOTALLY understand his bio-dad's desire to try to get him back---Duh! Who wouldn't want this sweet baby? but at the same time I am praying that he is realistic about his ability to parent. It's been almost 10 months already and we are no further along. I know that he loves his son, but he also needs to be able to provide a stable home where he will be taken care of the way he needs to be. I don't know the future of course....who knows...maybe God's plan is for Baby to return to Dad and this communication effort will benefit us is that we will get to keep in contact with the amazing boy he placed in our home!

For the upcoming week....PRE-TRIAL for Little Man!!!! Just 13 days away from TRIAL!!!!

Great interview with my sister!

So much going on :)

We are crazy (GOOD) busy here! Our respite placement is going sooooo well!! He seriously is the most easy going baby EVA! We call him our little Butterball :) Little Grape has shown intense jealousy of both hubby and I..whoever is holding Butterball! He crawls over, grabs our leg or crawls in our lap and then clings to our necks. He will be soooo happy to see Butterball leave tomorrow, but everyone else will be sad. It's just amazing how quickly you can get used to a little one being in your home. We currently have 5 little boys ranging from 6 months-7yrs and things haven't changed much! He is an absolute pleasure :)

In other news...Little Man's child study is going to be today. The woman has to come for 2 hours. Fun! I have a MILLION things to do today and the rest of this week before my parents come as well as house stuff (yeah..we got it!!) etc. Of course it simply had to get done thTODAY. Oh well...

I thought that on trial day that would be it..I have to stop doing this to myself! lol! Apparently the MBI won't be until another hearing after the trial. When that will be I have no idea!! MAYBE this adoption will be done by the time this kid turns THREE!!!!! Good grief!!!

Not much on Little Grapes case...waiting...waiting....I don't think anything of interest will happen until court in January, but with foster care ya never know!! lol!!

Emergency respite!

Yesterday evening I got a call that a foster mom doing respite for another foster family had to "bail" on the respite because of a family emergency out of the country. Can you do it?? Umm....ok! So last night we were blessed with baby "A" He is 6 months old and HUGE!! He rolls, sits and army crawls all over the place! He is the best baby!! He has only cried once, puts himself to sleep, holds his own bottle and is sooooooo laid back! He fits in so well here :) Little Grape is not so fond of him and gave me the death stare when I was feeding "A" this morning, but he's getting used to him now :) The older boys are lovin another cute baby! They've already asked if we can adopt him too!! Big "A" was at breakfast this morning and said "Can we adopt him, and him, and him?" (pointing to the babies and Little Man). Awwwwww....such a sweet heart that boy has under his rough and tough exterior!

I have not heard from anyone including the original foster mom, but supposedly he will be here until next Wednesday! I was just "whining" to a friend yesterday morning about how much we have going on right now and then I just added to it! Oh well...how can you say no? He leaves Wed. and my parents will be visiting on Friday morning! Glad they are understanding!!!

What a day!

Today started out rough...it didn't go so smoothly for quite a while but is finally calming down :)

At 5:20 this morning I got a text from Baby's case manager saying she would be here at 7:45 to pick him up. I was very mad! I really like some notice for cryin' out loud! I don't think it's too much to ask. She ended up getting here 45 min. late and I have to say I was not the warmest person to her when she got here. They got back about 2:30 this afternoon and she decided to stay for her visit. I knew she would...I was prepared :) She apologized and said that she sent the text last night but apparently it just came through on my phone this morning. Whatever! Hopefully this never happens again. I think the apology came because our awesome social worker sent her and her supervisor and email (friendly :) ) to note how unacceptable this was. Moving forward!

I sent baby cereal, applesauce, and diced green beans with baby as well as enough formula for 2 bottles. He came home with no food eaten and only 1/2 of one of the bottles gone. That means that b/w 8:30-2:30 he had about 3 ounces of formula! Poor kid
:( Perhaps Dad gave him something from McDonalds (yeck!!) but when he got home he ate the entire lunch I sent plus a 6 oz bottle! He was really hungry!

In one breath the CM said they want to staff for TPR and the next she said we still have to go through the hoop of getting Dad a case plan (probably Jan at court). She was funny because she said "I don't know how a case plan of the exact same thing he was supposed to do for the last 9 months is going to make a difference!" Dad will not sign surrenders and wants a case plan. He has no stable job or housing...still..I see another long case ahead as I said before.

Little Man's CM came today too...he was a 1/2 hour late but at least he came :) We chatted for a bit and LM was very entertaining. He then went on to say he would be out of town till Tuesday because he is going to Puerto Rico to propose to his girlfriend! I asked how long they had been dating and I discovered that he is only 23. He's a baby!!! I think Baby's cm is about the same age! It helped me to digest what happened a bit this week. They are young...that doesn't mean they can't do their job, but I think back to me at 23 and even though I was mature, 10 years and being parent makes things look really different. I felt SO OLD at that point! I even mentioned that to him and he said "You're not old! You're not even 40 yet!" LOL! I used to think 40 was old too...now that it's getting much closer I'm having different thoughts...that's only 5+ yrs away. I seem to blink and 5 yrs is gone!

Well...we may be moving very soon and I am dreading having to pack all our stuff we have collected in the 3 yrs we have been here! Tons of stuff for foster care that we didn't have to move last time-lol! At least we will have a place to store it all now :) I should hold up a bit...the offer hasn't been accepted, but I'm believin'!!!

Faultless

FAULTLESS: The American Orphan - Teaser 1 from UNTHINKABLE on Vimeo.

THANK YOU!

Every time baby has a Dr. appt or has learned a new trick I send bio-dad a note to tell him what happened. Today was no different. He hadn't had a visit in over 4 weeks so I updated him on what baby can now do and what happened at his 9 month well-child. I was SHOCKED to get a note back that said the following (spelling as it is in the note)...

"Thank you so much for takeing real good care of him for me. You are truely god's gift to the world."

That's too much, but it is so nice to hear THANK YOU! Of course I don't need it, but I am a "words of affirmation" person, and it's just such a nice change of pace from Little Man's mom!! We don't do what we do for him, the agency, etc...we don't do it for "props" or recognition...we do it for God and for Baby and we are so blessed that "S" has a peace that his son is well taken care of and doing great!

A great way to end the week :)

Additionally, we went to a training last night where we learned that our FDS has to now do all her home visits WITH a case manager quarterly. Our FDS emailed both our CM's and both want to do their visit with the FDS next week. The poor FDS was just out a few weeks ago and I'm not sure what she's going to do, but I sure am jealous that her emails are responded to so quickly-LOL!!!

Ohhhh...and we are doing respite next week for 3 days for a GIRL :) She is almost 2 years old. Should be fun!!

Dear Orphan

Dear Orphan,

I saw your picture today and heard about your plight. Your face is so beautiful and sad, and it tugs at my heart.


I hear you don't get enough to eat, and that there isn't always medicine if you get sick. You sleep in a room with many children, but you still feel alone.


You have never had anyone wish you a "Happy Birthday", give you a gift, or even sing you a lullaby goodnight. No one has ever told you about Jesus or that He loves you.


I wish we could adopt you, but....

It is such a long way to travel, it would cost so much money, and it involves so much paperwork.
Our home isn't very big, and we already have children. Adding another child to our family would mean they would have to share a bedroom as well as our love and attention.
What if you have health issues or special needs that are not yet diagnosed?
You might have a hard time adjusting to a family after never knowing one, or have "issues" from years of neglect, malnutrition, mistreatment, or abuse.

I'm sorry, it just feels like too much of a risk and sacrifice. Adoption doesn't really feel like our "calling". Maybe there is another family....


Written by Amy B.
http://justamomofseven.blogspot.com/2011/11/i-wish-i-could.html

Email

Little Man's mom has been emailing again. It is soooooo hard for my flesh to not respond. Below are a few snippets from her last email. How do I respond to this? After 2 years she is asking me this question? I want to give her a fleshy response, but of course I will not! I'm going to have to keep trying to give her very neutral answers until everything is settled in court. I seriously think that in her mind (she does not regularly take her meds) that time stopped when LM was taken away. She could not possibly fathom that LM does not miss her or wonder what happened to her. Of course a very long time ago he wondered, but his current life is all he now remembers (thank you Jesus!)

do u want me and "m" to be reunited. do u think in your heart that he could be at his full potentail with me? i hope things go good for us both.

i cant wait to see the pics just thinking of them makes me want to cry i hope i get my baby back i know he misses me and wonder what happen to me.

I am used to dealing with "A's" birthparents, but this is ohhhhhhhhhhh so different! Dec. 9th cannot come quick enough :)

Due to the results of the last hearing our homestudy has been pushed back to the end of November. Sigh...one day this will all be over :)

A bit more...

So I woke up this morning with a horrible feeling that "something" was going to happen...it always does in this case. I tried to pray it away and shake out of it, but I couldn't. I thought it was just the enemy messing with me. I got to the court house and I was the only one there. Everyone was running late and they were ready to call our case. Ummm...once everyone was called in we waited an addt'l 30 min. for the judge and for Bio-mom who was trying to find a notary to swear her in.

Once all was said and done Mom appeared by phone. I was confused why she was there and quickly found out that she had filed an appeal on the "surrenders by non-appearance." The judge heard the motion and was about to deny it, but then Mom's lawyer (who can actually get Bio-mom to be quiet--miracle!) convinced her to give her a trial. Why no one thinks these things are important to the foster parent I will never know! I was totally blind-sided :(

So here we go...pre-trial is Dec 1st. Exactly 2 years since Little Man came to us!!! Trial is set for Dec. 9th.

Bio-mom has a "plan" to have him transferred to another foster home in her state and she can work a case plan there. She still has no job, has been denied ssi and takes care of her ailing mother. There are so many details about the timeline of her filing a motion that are just crazy and purely absurd. I of course can't go into details, but sigh.....

Oh...on a positive note...Bio-dad's rights were terminated!!!!!!

The Lord has a plan with all these delays and EVENTUALLY LM will be ours FOREVER!!!!!

Struggling

I am so weary of this case!!!!!!!!!! Mom has filed a motion and we are going to trial...no joke :( I don't even have words!

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the big day!!! I am praying that I can show you all a picture of our Little Man in all his toddler sweetness!!! :) I loved today's message at church today. It was all about our big God that saves! Every song spoke to my heart! Our Little Man has been SAVED from poverty...our Little man has been SAVED from a life of neglect....our Little Man has been SAVED from a life of drugs....our Little Man has been REDEEMED and placed in a FAMILY where he will learn about Christ and prayerfully grow up to serve Him in mighty ways!!! I tell you it is the most adorable thing to hear this little guy sing "Jesus Loves Me" and says his prayers at night. The other day he was talking about the "Holy Pirit" :) It has been a nearly 2 yr long battle, but the battle has not been ours. There have been many tears, venting calls to my good foster momma friend Karen, and even lots of happy memories along the way. We are praying that tomorrow is the close to one chapter in Little Man's story and the very beginning of a new one!

Please pray with us for...
(1) Wisdom for Judge P. to see the TRUTH and make sounds decisions
(2) That all parties agree that Little Man needs to stay here (there is no doubt, but it never hurts to cover all bases :) )
(3) That there are no inferences, delays, disruptions, etc to having this hearing occur!

Thank you for the prayers and support and I will be sure to update you all and hopefully share our sweet guy with you!

What's been going on....

So this week has been interesting/busy/crazy/exhausting...just because of the "stuff" that happens in a family of 6 not to mention all the spiritual warfare that occurs right before a BIG court hearing when Little Man *will* (I'm speaking in faith here!) be legally free for adoption into a Christ-centered home!!!!!

Baby has been sick with an ear infection and a sore throat. He has not slept through the night in close to 2 weeks. The first week was a cold and it all developed into this lovely thing. He was up from 12:00-2:00am last night screaming at the top of his lungs! He was so loud he woke hubby up and believe me...that's hard to do!

Little Man actually made good strides with using the "big" potty :) He practiced for almost a 1/2 hour the other day getting on and off the potty...cracked me up! He has used the toilet for all "business" lately and I am grateful for less p*oopy diapers!!!

Although he has had some great moments this week his little mouth and tantrums are wearing on me! Whew...he NEVER stops talking and sometimes I want to beg him to just please be quiet!!! He is a conversationalist to any and every person he may run across (reminds me of my Dad there :) ) and when he doesn't get his way...watch out!! He is full-on in the "WHY?????" stage and also the toddler's creed stage! If you are not familiar with this, here you go!


Toddler's Creed

If it's on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it is food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with an arched back.
If it is Mommy (or Daddy), it must be hugged.
I am toddler!


And another version that fits him just as well :)

The Toddlers Creed
by Dr. Burton L. White
Submitted by Heather Haas 08-04-01

If I want it,
IT'S MINE!

If I give it to you and change my mind later,
IT'S MINE!

If I can take it away from you,
IT'S MINE!

If it's mine it will never belong to anybody else,
No matter what.
If we are building something together,
All the pieces are mine!

If it looks just like mine,
IT'S MINE!

If it breaks or needs putting away,
IT'S YOURS!

Additionally, Baby can stand alone for about 2 seconds and is walking behind a walker. Oh the life of a busy Mommy, but I wouldn't have it any other way :) Although, a nap today would be really nice!!!

The Staffing

So it ended up being just the old cm, new cm, their supervisor, GAL and me. Dad texted and said he is working for the week in a nearby city and is unable to get away to come to the meeting or for a visit this week. Apparently this was the same reason last week. He said he's call on his lunch break, but never did.I heard that his section 8 housing has come up and he was on the list for Oct., however there are two stipulations...1) verifiable income and 2) 60 days till reunification. The supervisor said that he had neither so he has been taken off the list for now. That's not going to make him happy!

So...what we talked about and where we go from here....the OAG will be contacted in regards to getting a case plan. They will have to petition the court based on "probable cause." The way the woman explained it to me is that basically it will be treated similarly to when an initial allegation takes place (because he is non-offending this has not happened) however it is different because he is not the caregiver. So...IF he gets a case plan approved then they will give him only 6 months to complete it because he already has had the past 8 months to get his bootie in gear (and has nothing to show for it :( ).

My feelings on all of this?? He'll get a case plan and not work it and sometime about a year from now we'll be in the same situation that we are currently in with Little Man. Yep...I think we are looking at another 2 yr case :(

I had brought up for the record that the one visit that he did go on the baby was fed his breakfast but not his lunch and that he sucked down a bottle when he got home because he was so hungry! The new CM reported that when she picked him up from his visit at McDonalds that Dad was feeding baby an ICE CREAM CONE! Oh sheesh! The kid has trouble with milk-based formula for cryin out loud and is only 8 months old! I KNOW that his Dad loves him very much and I KNOW that he would never do anything to hurt this baby, but he just does not seem truly capable for caring for him on a daily basis. I say this from all information in general not just the ice cream.

Other relative caregivers are being contacted (Dad's sister and the maternal aunt/uncle) on their interest in caring for/adopting Baby. No one seems to think these will pan out. I guess time will tell! Both the next staffing and court date are in January..just before baby's first birthday!

Busy Week

As if one unannounced visit weren't enough, the brand spankin new case manager for baby came knocking on my door at 6pm that same night! Lovely! My older two were getting ready for bathtime and were streaking naked through the house! Nothing says "welcome" like naked kids! You want unannounced...this is what you get-lol!

She was a bit a*nal as this was her very first home visit (like even checking for a diaper rash!) and didn't have much to say other than she thinks that dad will choose to work a case plan. No visit again this week, but it wasn't because of Dad...

On top of the two cm visits we also had Baby's GAL which was uneventful and our old FDS who "stole" us back!!! She was our absolute favorite and then left us for another job about a year ago (different line of work in another state). She decided to come back and wanted to work with our family again. We really liked our old FDS too, but we just "click" with "T" :-) She hadn't seen LM in over a year so that was fun and she also got to meet baby man and catch up on the older kiddos too!

After LM's stunt with his p*oop last week he has decided it best to keep all bodily functions in the toilet...THANK YOU JESUS!!!! This morning he totally shocked me and asked to go on the big potty!!! It was a beautiful thing...if you are not a parent...you'll "get it" when you are :) He went and then again and again! He practiced getting on and off the potty for a good 1/2 hour-lol!!!

My sweet "A" asked this week "Mom, can we just adopt {baby man}??? I don't want him to leave" If only I could give him an answer and make things that easy!! Tuesday this week for him and the following Monday for Little Man....getting very EAGER!!!!

"Unannounced" visit

I love that we live sooo far (like an hour with traffic) from the offices of our case workers. They want to make sure I'll be there before they make the drive all the way out here :) So, an "unannounced" visit turns into a visit that I have at least an hour's notice for! I think that if they questioned me or had concerns about our family that would be different, but we're kinda "old hat" around there now! lol!

I wish just once that a CM would see a court date as HUGE as I see it!!! I don't think they really personalize (why would they?? It happens to them all the time) what that outcome means for the child or for our family! Oct 24th **should** be the day that all rights are terminated!!! HOWEVER....there is a chance that the judge could choose to place LM with another foster family in NY (one his bio-mom suggested). Do I think this is going to happen? No! Could it? Yes...if insanity ruled! Why move him from one foster family that he's been with for nearly 2 yrs to another foster family in another state to be near a mother whose rights have been terminated?? Doesn't make ANY sense, but who knows??? If it were a relative, that story would be very different, but I can say with confidence that God is in CONTROL and I trust that in less than two weeks we will have full termination with NO appeals!!

As for LG it seems like the staffing that we have for him next Tuesday is going to be *the* day when bio-dad is presented with his choices and how this is to proceed. Like I said before, I feel he will pursue a case plan. We will see.....


Here's an article worth reading.....

http://www.russellmoore.com/2011/10/12/dont-adopt/

In the trenches of motherhood

Let me just start by saying I love my children each so very much and for many many reasons! There are however weeks like this past week when I am in the deep trenches of motherhood and praying for a better week next week! A few highlights....

* A child lying about his behavior to get his brother in trouble
* Discovering that the 5 yr old has decided that behind his bed is the perfect place to put any and everything...garbage, puzzles, toys he didn't feel like cleaning up, things he's taken from his brothers, whatever!
* Baby decided he is "super baby" and climbing to stand at anything that could possibly hold his weight...falling, screaming, and immediately returning to the same place to try again.
* Up all night with a teething infant
* A sneaky 2 year old who does naughty things behind my back
* A not so sneaky 2 year old who gets mad, throws a tantrum and his plate across the dining room
* A child who is frustrated with learning and makes homeschooling time miserable

but the REAL kicker for this week was when I got Little Man up from his nap today and discovered that he put his hands down his diaper. Yes...he p*ooped and decided to "decorate" his carpeting, window and window sill with it. Lovely!

Ok...let's focus on some positives...

* Letting our kids fail in the safety of our home allows them to not make those same mistakes in the real world when the stakes are higher
* Being consistent in our discipline helps our children learn we are trustworthy and mean what we say.
* Natural consequences are the best :)
* Baby learned how to drop to his tooshie rather than fall over from standing....hallelujah!
* 7 yr old *asked* to do school today so he could "get it"!!!
* Baby starting clapping! He's my little cheerleader! :)
* Both teeth are through his gums!!!!
* Little Man smells really fruity right now from some lovely body spray...after 2 baths he still stunk and I couldn't take it! lol!
* Amongst all THAT I got a good amount of cleaning/organizing done this week and I am EAGER to get ready to move in the a few months. We of course need to find a house first :)

Tomorrow starts my weekend (hubby has a great schedule where he gets Sunday-Tuesday off) and I am ready for a FRESH start!! The Lord's mercies are new every morning and I am trusting that next week will be more peaceful :-) Tonight is "stay at home date night" with hubby where we get some yummy take out, talk and just have wonderful adult time! :)

You never know....

Sometimes asking a simple questions such as "will there be a visit this week?" can lead to things you never imagined! LOL! Baby did not have a visit again this week. That makes a whopping ONE visit in 5 weeks! This week was cancelled because although Dad still has his 4 hour unsupervised visit he was supposed to check in with the case manager as to where they were during the visit. He never called/texted so I guess he lost this week's visit.

Our CM is currently in the middle of transitioning to her new job but as the phone call went on she mentioned that her supervisor wanted her to talk to the attorney about ADOPTION! Yep...there it is...WHAM! They are talking about asking Dad to sign surrenders or work a case plan. Hmmm....I have no idea what is going to happen, but NEVER did we imagine that in 2 years of fostering we would have only 2 cases and (possibly) get to adopt both of them!!!

Of course my heart is signing that *potentially* we could be adopting our baby boy! HOWEVER....reality is still very present and I realize that pretty much NOTHING in foster care goes easy/smooth, so no hopes are up yet, but hmmmm.....names have started flowing through my head. We are not exactly in love with his current name, but may keep it as his middle name. It's funny how when I asked my husband about what name was floating around his head it was the SAME name....YEP :)

Ok...ok...back to reality :)

More...really??

As if crawling just isn't enough of an accomplishment in a week, today he pulled himself all the way to standing at the couch several times!! He's gotten to his knees several times, but I thought we'd have a bit more time before we hit standing. WRONG! He's also trying to bear walk (can do 1-2 steps) and will take steps when you hold his hands. I think we have an early walker on our hands....all those brothers to keep up with! Christmas will be fun this year!!! LOL!!!

Misc. Update

Today we continue to lift my sweet 4 month old nephew Noah up in prayer. He had heart surgery and is having problems with his blood pressure, blood sugar, fluids leaking, and a few other things. Please pray for this sweet baby! He is my sister's youngest (of 11) who was adopted at birth :)

As for us...Baby had a 4 hour visit with his bio-dad yesterday. I had that cringe in my stomach letting him go yesterday, but again, I just have to trust that God has this all under control!!! He came back covered in sweat, screaming his head off and practically jumped out of the CM's arms and crawled up me and wouldn't let go of my neck! Poor kid!! He's getting to that clingy age and I hated when Little Man went through this too....they scream when they leave and it breaks my heart!
He came back smelling of that yucky grease that Dad puts in his hair. Bathtime! I prefer the girly smelling stuff :) "A" even said "what's that stinky smell???" LOL!

I contacted our adoption lawyer yesterday to get the paperwork rolling so we can expedite things when we actually do have termination and wait our 30 days. She had mentioned that it takes 90 days to get everything complete following termination. Later in the conversation she asked how long he has been with us and she said "oh in that case you are one of the special ones! " She went on to explain that they should waive that waiting period because he's been here so long! THANK YOU JESUS!! She also said we will push for finalization before the end of the year so we can get blesssed with that nice tax money! That will come in very handy next year as we purchase a house!! :-)

I also appeared by phone for a "surprise" (to me) staffing yesterday. It was all of 3 minutes and they asked me if we plan on adopting him. Ummm...yes...I think filling out all that paperwork and giving you all our personal paperwork made that pretty clear! lol! They asked if we understood the process, have we adopted before, it's a bit different that the licensing process, etc, etc! I guess it was all to just solidify everything. I am so ready for CLOSURE!!!!!

Ready for Oct 24th for sure :)!!!!!!!!!

Crawling video :)

OK...so this isn't the best he can crawl, but he was in a hurry and you can see that he gets from point A to point B, especially when he is motivated by the video game cord! You can hear Little Man laughing in the background too.
I love A's surprised "Oww!" too! They forgot how Little Man got into everything too...here starts the fun!

Forward movement!

Baby started to move FORWARD yesterday!!! Up until then he was going backwards (on hands/knees even!) He crawled the army crawl for exactly ONE day (yesterday)! Oh my...this kid is already crawling on his hands/knees and getting into all sorts of things! His brothers were totally annoyed that he was pulling on the video game cord today! lol!!

He reached the weight limit on his baby car seat too, so he got a big boy carseat today as well :)

He is SO MUCH FUN! I never have seen such a happy child that will laugh/smile for pretty much anyone :)

No movement on his case....I don't know if Dad checked in since his CM won't call/text/email me back. Sigh...we will enjoy every second we have with him!!

Talking!

So Baby has been sooooo focused on the physical side of life that he hasn't worked much on speaking. I have tried for months to get him to babble anything, but nothing came out except squealing. Until yesterday that is! All of the sudden he started saying "mamamamamamam" and then today he started with "dadadadadada" and "deedeedeedeedee" and "gageegageegagee." It is soooo cute!! He is starting to actually crawl forward as well! He is one adorable bundle of fun!!

On the bio-dad front things are just as murky as they were a couple of days ago. I texted his cm today and she said she was still trying to find transportation for a visit. I replied with "so the test was negative?" and she said she hadn't gotten the report back yet. I got another text around 5:30 saying she didn't think there would be a visit this week because Dad's phone was disconnected and she didn't know what motel he was staying at. No problem for me! I am not surprised...I think he's had a minimum of 4 different phone numbers since the case started (probably more). He can't pay the bill, they shut it off, he gets a new one....

As for Little Man's case...both hubby and I were fingerprinted this week and the adoption paperwork sent off. I got an email today saying she was working on going through the paperwork and she'd contact us sometime in mid-October to do the official homestudy visit! I'm hoping the next month flies by!!!!!

New haircut!

 

Little Man went to the barber with Daddy yesterday! He got probably 1/2 his head of hair chopped off and it makes his head look SO much smaller-LOL!!!Such a cute big boy :)

Court Update

So court did not go as we had hoped. We needed the bio-Dad's (adult) daughter to show and testify to her father's behaviors recently and she did not :( Therefore, everything the attorney said was simply heresay. The visits are to remain the same which makes me very nervous. Dad is back to living in a motel (visits can not take place there, so it will be in public...some lovely germ-infested place like the mall probably:( ).

The judge did allow that a madatory drug test be done today so we are waiting on the results of that. If they are positive the CM told me she would cancel the visit for this week and reassess.

The CM also advised me that Oct. 1st she will be starting a new job in the adoptions unit. Yay for her...ugh for us :( I hate starting all over with new people! Thank God she is not new to case managing though...just this agency. The funny thing is that on the way to court I was thinking that this mother has had an open case since 08 and the same CM has been on the case. I thought "how rare!" yep...

The CM also advised me that the FRS is on leave until Oct. 15th. I have a feeling that she is starting her new job and seeing how things are going to work out before she officially quits. Maybe I'm wrong, but with everything that she said I'm pretty sure that's it. That means that everyone on the case will be new except for the GAL and me. AGAIN :( (same with LM's situation). I couldn't say anything about the FRS and her new situation to the CM because I was told to keep quiet....I did :)

So...I guess we will wait for a day or two to hear from the CM to see where we go from here. Dad didn't dispute anything that the lawyer was saying except when it came to the reason that his daughter asked him to move out. He said...she said except instead of a marriage it's father/daughter. Such drama.

From here the AG's office is going to file a motion with the court to subpeona the daughter. Not sure when that will happen or the hearing itself. The next court date given was January 12th at 9:30am. That is 2 1/2 weeks before Baby turns 1!
When Baby was dropped off, never did we imagine that we would still have him at 1 yr old. We thought with a non-offending parent he'd be gone in 3 months....nope!

Court

Court is scheduled for 1:30 this afternoon. Please be praying for TRUTH and for light to illuminate the dark places of this case!!

I knew what I was getting into

My sister posted this song on her blog a bit ago and I simply love it.

"Just don't give up and don't give in. If you don't quit. You win, you win

Everything is in my hands. It's gonna be alright. It's gonna be okay."

God knew exactly what has/is/will happen in my life. He knows my sins, He knows my faults, He knows my ugliness and He still chose me!! Nothing that happens in my life, or how I react to it is going to surprise Him. He loves me! No circumstances that happen in my life need to steal my joy (if I choose to not let them). Everything is going to be alright! :)

Setbacks

So so so so sad :( Just when you think all is going in the right direction and reunification would happen soon...BAM! Bio-dad's daughter has tipped off the CM about things that have been happening in the home and lies that have been told. UGH! We go to court on Monday and this will all come to a head (dad has no idea the daughter called the CM). Let's just say that I am SO THANKFUL that the visit has been cancelled for this week (because of one of Dad's lies) and no more unsupervised visits until after court...maybe not even after court. Please pray for this situation! What a mess! :(

Understanding the system

Being a foster parent really gives you an education into the dependency system! Whew...I had no idea all the twists and turns!! So YES indeed because LM's bio-mom did not show up the court recognizes her rights as terminated, BUT not until Dad's right are terminated will the order be signed and then she will have 30 days to refute.

Additionally, 4 people have been listed as possibilities to care for LM and must be explored. One is his Grandmother (maternal) and one is his aunt (also maternal). Both of these people have had issues with CPS in another state, so they are out. The other two I do not know anything about and I'm not sure they are even actually related.

Am I worried? NOPE! I refuse to worry about this anymore :) God has placed him in our care for the past 2 yrs. I know that it has happened where children were moved after periods even longer than that, but I really don't think that is going to happen in this case. We have TOTAL FAITH and PEACE that LM is to be a PERMANENT member of our family and we just have to "wait it out." It would have been nice if the Dad stuff were done last month and the 30 days could nearly be over, but that's not what happened. We wait on God's perfect timing and plan for our Little Sassy Man! :)

Poll closed

Ok so you all have weighed in your opinion and I can tell you that the winner is not the one with the most votes (John) :) So now you have a 50/5o idea of what his middle name will be :) John was my choice because I liked the way it sounded with his first name and it is in both of our families, but alas I did not win! :(

Name Chosen

Little Man is notorious for simply repeating EVERYTHING we say!!! We will give him two choice and all he does is repeat both choices. "Do you want crackers or an apple?" He'll say the say thing "cracker or apple?" So the other day we were jokingly playing with him and the two names we have been tossing around. Hubby says one and I say the other. We asked him which name he wanted and added in his first name. When we gave him the choices he said "no!" to one name. What? He then walked around saying his full name!!! He had chosen for himself :) I'll leave the poll open for the few days left just for the interest factor, but Little Man has his "new" name chosen! I CANNOT WAIT until it is official !!!!!!!!!! :-) (and you'll have to wait too!) He'll have the same initials as his Daddy :)

Changes

So I haven't gotten any notification since over a week ago until this morning when the FRS called and said bio-Dad is getting a 4 hour visit today so I need to pack extra supplies. Umm...ok. When I asked her about the homestudy, etc she didn't know. Awhile later...a week and 2 days after my initial email I get a response from his CM saying she has been terribly busy, but there was a hearing for Dad on Monday asking for reunification. It was denied but 4 hour unsupervised visits were granted. She hopes to do a homestudy next week or the following. If everything is ok, overnight visits will start. The reality of actually having to say goodbye to one of our babies is happening in my head and it's not pretty :( Of course I am happy for his Dad and *hopeful* that things go well for them together, but reality....

Wah....The FRS...the only realistic one of the bunch just told me she has another job lined up :( The CM is already so busy she can't even return an email...no idea what's going to happen there!

Big Boy!

We have quite the chunky baby!!! He had his 6 mo visit (at almost 7 months old) the other day and now weighs 20lbs 6 oz!!! He is 26 1/2 inches long :) His head is measuring in the 80th %ile! I don't know why, but God keeps giving us HUGE foster babies!! LM's head always measured in the 95th %ile! Everything is going really well with him...

Very little reflux since starting on more solids

Sitting up independently

Getting up on all 4's and trying desperately to crawl! (He has 3 big brothers to try and keep up with)

No real sounds (C-V) yet, but that's pretty typical to see speech take a back-seat when they are advancing physically (or visa-versa)

Eating lots of fruits/veggies--there isn't one he doesn't like! He eats puffs, soften cheerios, and tiny bits of "real" food

No teeth yet :(

He is the most social baby I have ever seen! He hates to be alone...he has to be by people :)

He is officially 7 months old today!!!

I was looking back at pictures from when he first arrived and I just sit back in amazement at the changes that have happened! I am gathering pictures to put together in a creative book for his Dad to have. I also started making a pp video of his pics. I still need to find a song that I want to put with it. Any ideas??? His CM hasn't responded to any of my 3 emails in the last week. I'm sure I'll hear from her as soon as she needs something from me :(

Oh Praise Jesus!!!!

Little Man's bio-mom's rights ARE terminated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew I wasn't crazy. So glad that I doubled checked!!! Of course we still have Dad in Oct. to deal with, but like I said earlier...he's not the one I was concerned about. This is such a rollercoaster!!! So glad to know that I am not going crazy and I can interpret things correctly-LOL!!!!

On another note his bio-mom keeps emailing me and asking to call him and talk to him and wants to see him when the adoption is complete. I'm just not ready for all of this yet! I want him to know who she is and have a connection with her on a certain level and when he can handle it!! She makes comments like "I know he would be so excited to see me!" Ummm...no he would have no idea who you are :( You have not visited him since last December and we are all he knows as a family. There are many things that are hard for her to understand. I plan to talk to our adoption worker about the best way to handle her.

Middle Names

Ok..so in the meantime we are day dreaming about what our son's official name will be! We plan to keep his first name because he would be so confused to change it now, people know him as that name, and it's a good name :) The last name is easy of course so it's the middle name that we plan on changing. He shares a middle name with his birthdad and since we don't really like that name it's going! So...I am going to ask your opinion for a middle name. Hubby and I have not yet agreed....I understand this will be difficult since many of you don't know the first name to go with it, but humor me! We are also very "into" name meanings which is why we have chosen these. Make your choice in the comment section or take the poll in the sidebar :)

Misunderstandings stink :(

So we had a visit from LM's GAL today and I found out that when I heard what I thought I heard it didn't mean what I thought it meant :( This is my first time in this 3-ring circus! That explains why I couldn't feel the full joy that I thought I should be feeling. Something in my spirit just wouldn't let me rejoice. Now I know why. The hearing will be Oct. 24th and that will be the official termination for both parents (I might get called on the stand at that point). Wah!!! I am jealous of my friend who at this rate will have complete termination before us and her little girl has been with them 9 months (we're nearly 21 months!) I know..I know...each case is so unique.

So this week will mark 21 months for Little Man and 7 months for Baby!!!!

A long time ahead

We have a looooonnnnngggg many years ahead of us if Little Man's mom continues to think in her mind that she is his Mommy (She will always be his birthmother of course!) The emails I get are so difficult to have a response to. I am all for open adoption when the reality of the situation is clear. That's really hard to do when reality is not on her radar...especially with her mentall illness. GOD'S GRACE IS SUFFICIENT!!!! :)

Waking up after a very long night (teething?) with the baby, discovering LM "decorated" his windows with the lotion he climbed to find, and the email from his bio-mom.....whew...I'm gonna need MORE COFFEE!!!!!

Email

I got an email from Little Man's mom today. Actually a lot of it was directed toward him. It was sad to read because I don't think she even really understands/knows what happened in court today. I sent her a reply with answers to her questions and a couple of pictures. It will be interesting to see how this email thing works out. The last several emails (to the GAL) and this one pretty much all say the same thing. I feel bad things didn't work out differently for her, but the choices she made directed the path of this case...and honestly I think he's better off living in a mentally stable home where all his needs are being met without violence, neglect, and poverty. The future with her in our lives should be interesting to say the least! lol! I am thankful she is now out of state. She is a difficult person to deal with and an in-town relationship just would be too much for me!

On a related note...as I have been discussing Little Grape's future with the big kids they have expressed a desire to stay in contact with him. I think his Dad is a nice guy and if we can be a support for him I would throughly enjoy getting to remain in baby's life :)

Termination...sort of!

I went into court today expecting both parents rights to be terminated. We got 1/2 the victory today! Mom's rights were terminated (the one I was more concerned about). It was weird because they says some things, the baliff has to walk the halls calling her name and come and report no one answered. Then it was over instantaneously! It was crazy how non-chalantly it seemed to happen. I guess I was the only one who felt that tremendous weight lifted and wanted to get up and dance...they are used to it!!

Dad's rights are still in tact because of the diligence search and the lack of rush (apparently) in getting them to the AG's office :( Really...this guy has not seen his son, visited, talked to, or made ANY contact with ANYONE since December last year. BUT WAIT...let's really try to find him because he might still be interested. Ok...sorry for that sarcasm!! Sometimes things just seem ridiculous. So now we have a Distribution hearing on Oct. 24th when Dad's rights **should** be terminated!!! We will also cover the "manifestation of best interest" with the GAL attorney :)

More waiting...I was praying we could finalize before his 2nd anniversary in care and the end of the year. It looks like that won't happen, but it's all part of God's plan so we rest in His plan and enjoy our spunky little guy!!!!

Nutrition

I understand that I may be a bit alone in this and I realize this is not a new problem but it has been bothering me ever since a few weeks ago. Let me start with what eating looks like in our house...we are a pretty healthy household. We don't eat processed foods, we make things from scratch, we eat LOTS of fruits and vegetables, we try to eat organic as much as we can afford it, my kids snack on things like coconut yogurt, nuts, fruits, vegetables, and air-popped popcorn. Two of my kids are GFCF so that helps us to make healthy choices as well.

So at 4 months we started to feed baby rice cereal and have gradually incorporated fruits, veggies, baby meals and puffies/soft cheerios. We add new things in gradually and see how he adjusts to them. Several weeks back I was sitting next to Dad (forgive me if I posted this part already..I can't remember!) and he was talking about how (at 5 months old) he gave baby a chocolate chip cookie!!! Umm...even if we did feed him more foods, it certainly wouldn't be a cookie! Anyway, here is my mistake/frustration...I told the FRS and pretty much was blown off!!! Her response was filled with comments like "well I gave my daughter rice cereal at 7 days old and she's still alive!" She rambled about some other stuff too, but she was talking so fast I couldn't understand her! I would have liked to express to her that perhaps her feeding her daughter all these foods to early is what resulted in your daughter's NUMEROUS allergies!!!

So I dropped it..I could see my point was not going to go anywhere. So FF to last Thursday when he got home from his visit. He was not fed his baby food or bottle by the time he got back so I questioned her. She said that when she got there (he has unsupervised remember) his bottle was full of some nasty juice that she immediately dumped out. I then made another mistake and said "Yikes..the new recommendation is 12 months for juice." That sparked another "something" in her and off she went again! I have NO IDEA what S. fed the Baby while he was there with him, but I do know that Baby did not react well to it!!! I was up off and on ALL night Thursday into Friday because whatever it was his body couldn't handle it :(

I'm so frustrated because what I'm saying isn't being heard and won't change! So I have to suck it up and deal with Baby all night after a visit because people are not considering what his little body can handle! I'm all for trying new foods and textures as they are appropriate! Just wait till S.'s overnight visits and he gets to deal with what he's doing :-) Reality!

OK...vent over!!!

Adoption worker!

This week was so busy and this is the first day ALL week that NO ONE that doesn't live here entered our home :) So yesterday we got to meet our adoption worker :) She gave us a HUGE stack of paperwork and tasks to get started on while we wait for TPR **hopefully Monday**!!!!!!!!!! She said that as long as we get our ducks in a row in a timely fashion that after TPR they hope to finalize within 90 days which means that he could be legally and officially ours before Christmas!!! My wish/desire is that it gets done before the 2 yr anniversary of him arriving here. For that to be the case TPR would have to happen on Monday...yeah..I like that idea!!!

Baby's case also had some new developments...it looks as though Baby could start transitioning back into Dad's care with 4 hour visits, then 1 overnight and then weekends, and complete reunification rather soon! Of course as I see my friend going through a possible loss of her foster child of 8months my heart is feeling heavy but happy at the same time. God knows best and if Baby needs to be with his bio-Dad and it's going to be a good situation then I have to trust in that! The hard part for me is going to be watching my other kids grieve his loss. My oldest (7) is super attached to him and when we discuss Baby's leaving he puts on a brave face and says sweet things like "Well Mom, at least this way you can get some sleep! God has another baby He wants us to love though!" Of course when it actually happens I know that we will have some hostile behavior stuff to deal with...not sure if crying girls (my friend's situation) or angry boys are easier to deal with! lol! I guess we will have to take it one step at a time!

On another note...I HATE fire extinguisher re-tagging!!! it costs so much more to re-tag them than to buy new ones. So...it looks like we will probably have 6..yes 6 fire extinguishers! There has to be somewhere to donate the "old" (never used!) ones. I'll have to look into that. Other than that we are all set with our re-licensure!! Whew...for another year at least :)

I have another post brewing about nutrition and dealing with differences of opinion (with workers!)...hot topic here-LOL!

Another email....

So here we are almost 2 months after our last court hearing and 5 days before our next one and here surfaces Little Man's mom once again! It is everyone else's fault that no one has contacted her. I sent her a page long letter of all the things LM is doing along with about 5 pictures. I actually have more pictures to send her. I sent them to the address given in open court, so if she did not receive them it is not my fault. She requested in her email to have my email address (I gave it to her in the very beginning, but she never used it). She said she has a computer coming her way and wants to do a "daily chat" so we can keep in contact that way. Ummmmm....I will email you, but a daily chat isn't gonna happen sista!

At the end of the email she once again blamed the GAL and CM for her leaving FL and going to NY and that she has an aunt that would take LM, but the important part she said was "it's too late for that now." THANK YOU JESUS!!!!! She understands that LM will not be going anywhere and she pretty much said goodbye (again) to him in the email. I don't think there will be any problems come Monday and there will be a HUGE celebration that evening. Don't get me wrong....I really do feel for A. She is the product of her environment and is doing what she knows. I do (have) grieved for her as a mother, but at the same time knowing that LM will be our son forever is PRICELESS!!!

PRAYING that she has been appropriately served and things can be DONE on Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One more step done :)

Yesterday we had our health dept. inspection. It is so quick and easy! The hardest part for him was to use his new computer gadget thingy to find our name-lol! The only thing that he noted (just to us...not on the paperwork) was that we had potatoes in a bag under the sink. I had no idea that was no-no, but they are moved and so voila! PASSED!

I have been busy getting all licensing paperwork together as well as thinking about/gathering whatever paperwork I can think of for the adoption worker!!!! She may get a bit overloaded b/c I am a bit paperwork a*nal and tend to have things done quickly. I will not be the one to hold up this adoption...that's for sure!!! :-)

Of course 3 foster care related appts isnt' enough for the week, so I was expecting more! lol! Baby's case manager emailed yesterday and of course she has to come this week too, so she'll come at 12 tomorrow and our sw at 1:00. I actually like them all coming in one week because my house is super clean and then the other week I can slack off a bit :)

God is helping this week go super quick so we can get to Monday and (hopefully!!!) TPR sooner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE HAVE A NEW CM!!!!!!

YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We were contacted today by our ADOPTION WORKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had no idea they were even working on this since TPR has not officially happened yet!!!!! Doing a major happy dance here!!! We are meeting next week :)

Our health inspection for re-licensing is set for next week as well as our re-licensing homevisit!

Next week is going to BUSY but it is all GOOD busy!!!

Just when I thought...

we were almost done with meds for Baby I get a phone call....the Dr.'s office called (at 6:30pm!) with the results from Baby's nasal swab the other day. It was positive for some bacterial strain and he's getting put on an antibiotic for the next 10 days! We finish the steroid tomorrow and I will be SO grateful!!! That stuff makes him a CRAZY wild boy!!! Not to mention not sleeping (I've been up since 2:30 this morning) and wanting to eat like a horse! The kid weighs enough as it is... I am happy to say that the nebulizer treatments did get better and he will only scream through about 1/2 of it now :)

We also had court today. Mom did not show (expected) but Dad did. The judge seems to think that if he can pass a homestudy and his daughter (whose apt it is) can pass a background check that Baby can be reunified with him there and we won't have to wait for him to have his own approved housing. This is an area where I have to step back and trust God completely!! I won't most likely get to see the place, but I know that it's a 2 bedroom apt where his daughter and her 2 kids live in one room and he and Baby would live in the other room. It would be very tight and it's so hard to not compare that with what we can give him here, but then I have to remind myself that we are not doing foster care to adopt every child...we obviously can't! lol! It's just hard to have to think of him going into a poverty situation with Dad on public assistance just to feed the baby, etc. Please don't get me wrong...I am not judging him or his living situation, etc. It is what it is and I just have to place my faith in God that he will give S. what he needs to parent Baby and that they both will thrive together as father and son!

Potty Training update

I am SO happy to announce that Little Man is pretty much trained as long as we are at home! He wears big boy underwear and runs to his potty from wherever he is. He isn't using the regular toilet yet, but hey...it's not in a diaper so I am thrilled! For my own sanity he still wears one to bed and will for awhile, but day-trained is a big step! Now public is another story...we can go for a walk around the neighborhood, but I'm still a little skiddish about the grocery store or something like that. Baby steps.... :-)

Baby is improving with his breathing! Something else is bothering him today...could be teeth. He's grumpy! Anyway, something else has been on my mind with him and that is that he arches his body a lot. He'll do it a lot when he is sitting on my lap or lying on the floor. He'll do it in any mood, so it's not just when he's angry/upset. I'm thinking it's a sensory "thing" and I would like to have an OT evaluate him. I'll have him/her look at his tongue hanging out too....if anything I think it's more of an OT issue rather the chromosomal disorder/mental impairment that the other lady said! Although he is starting to keep it in more, so maybe it is nothing. His 6 month check up is at the end of the month, so I'll ask for a referral then. Any of you have any experience with OT and medicaid??? I'm thinking it's not going to be an easy or fun experience-lol!

Phone call

The transporter called about an hour ago to see how the baby was and I told her what was up. She said she thought we should cancel the visit and I totally agreed.

She called back about 1/2 hour ago to say that she called his Dad to cancel the visit and he was not happy that Baby is so sick. She said he wanted to how he got so sick (adamantly!) She told him that because he didn't cancel his visit last Tuesday I had to take the baby to the her office, he had to ride in her van to the mall after that where the aunt/uncle did not show for their visit either, then back to the office before he finally came home. He was sick 2 days later. I'm not saying it definitely was that, but it's a pretty good guess!! Add to that...he and two of his siblings all have lung issues and a regular cold for one person gets to be more serious for them.

She ended our phone call asking me to call the Dad (he wanted to speak to me directly) and pacify him. So I *67 ed and called him. I was expecting some irateness from what the FRS was saying, but he was all "yes ma'am" to me :) He asked me if Baby was moving at all. Ummm...yeah! He's on two steroids...he hasn't stopped moving!!! lol!!! I think he had this picture that Baby was lying in bed all "dead-like." Glad I could calm his fears. He wants me to keep him informed. I said that was not a problem, but I hope he doesn't start calling the workers expecting them to ask me to call every hour or something! He tends to call both workers about 4-5 times a day! I'll call him again tomorrow when hopefully Baby will be doing better!

Poor baby :(

Yesterday I took Baby back to the pulmonologist for what was supposed to be his follow-up appt. Poor kid was so sick that the Dr. didn't even need the stethescope. He was wheezing so bad :( So now in addition to the inhaled steroid 2 x's a day he is also on an oral steroid for the next 7 days and albuterol every 4 hours until his wheezing is under control.

Can I just tell you have incredibly exhausted I am??? I haven't slept (nor has he) for the past 6 nights. I have to fight to keep his little body still at every nebulizer treatment. The kid is drenched in sweat (as am I!) by the time we are done and has even wore himself out and fallen asleep a couple of times! We are doing about 6-7 treatments a day between the two meds. I am praying they take effect quickly!!!!! You know it's bad when your kids tell you that you are crabby and need a nap! Oh how I wish!!! :)

I was surprised to see that his Dad did not come to the visit yesterday :( It would have been a very good one for him to be at because he has no idea what Baby is like when he is sick, how he sounds, or even how to give a nebulizer treatment. I am concerned about his basic day-to-day ability to parent a child and even moreso if the Baby is sick! Will he follow through when Baby pitches his fits through the treatments (at 6 mos this baby has a temper!!)? My guess is no. All things that are not really mine to worry about but have been brought to the attention of his workers. Baby's JR is Monday...Dad should be there, but I doubt Mom will be. Guess we'll see!

Sick...sick...and more sick :(

Not too much happening here lately except that every one is SICK :( My husband is the only one who has not been affected by any of it...amazing!!! I had the flu for 2 days which has now been passed onto Mr. A and everyone else (including A and I) now have this wretched cold that is making it impossible to breathe and baby has been up for 3 nights so far with no clear end in sight. It's ok because I can't breathe either so therefore I can't sleep :(

I was planning on starting homeschooling with the boys tomorrow...guess that will have to wait! First day of school is a sick day! lol! Oh well...that's the beauty of homeschooling. We are starting several weeks before the school district and the flexibility is beautiful thing :)

I can't believe it is going to be August tomorrow! This month holds several Dr. appts and court for both boys!!!

I am BLESSED to say that in 10 days Mr. Wonderful and I will have been married for 10 years!!!!!!!!!!! That simply seems impossible, but at the same time just like yesterday :) We have wonderful friends who are our kids' stand-in grandparents (all our family lives out of state) that have agreed to watch the boys (all 4!) for an overnight visit so hubby and I can spend some time to ourselves!! Dinner on the beach, hotel, sleeping in....ahhhhh....the countdown has begun!!!!!

Staffing

We had a staffing for Little Grape today. I guess overall it went really well. It looks like when we go to court in 2 weeks that they will be requesting that Dad start to work up to overnight visits IF he can pass a homestudy. Last week he moved into a two-bedroom apt with his adult daughter and her two children (ages 3, 1). There are issues with the daughter *potentially* being a problem which could stop overnight visits from happening there though, so we will need to wait on getting the backgrounds back on her.

There was a "stand-in" GAL supervisor who certainly did not make any friends in the room today! Including me!! When it came to issues of what medications Baby is on and what's been happening with his medical needs I gave a brief synopsis of what has been happening. All of the sudden this woman pipes up and says "what's his diagnosis?" I told her that he was diagnosed with acid reflux and she replied with "well no ma'am that's a symptom. What's his diagnosis?" She then went into a spiel about other medical issues that could be causing the acid reflux...blah...blah...blah... I guess she's never heard of GERD huh? Then she moved onto him sticking his tongue out a lot. Yes, he does this I told her, but it's not a concern at this time. She then goes into a second monolouge about how it could be one of a number chromosomal disorders that could cause mental impairment and developmental delays...yadda, yadda, yadda!! I was SO ANNOYED with this lady and her presumtious attitude. I told her in a firm way that he sees his pediatrician and specialists regularly and no one has concerns for him and he is developing on target. The GAL knew I was getting ticked so she quickly had us move on.

Then...at the end this woman brings up these issues again! I signed my paper with out making any eye contact with her. I wanted to SCREAM at this woman that I know what pyloric stenosis is and NO he doesn't have it......I have a Master's Degree in education and lots of experience with infants and toddlers...not only my own, but also from when I was a birth-3 early on educator. But no....I recalled a verse I read in my devotions this morning "A fool gives full vent to anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Proverbs 29:11

Don't get me wrong....I don't think I know everything! However, I think if anyone had any concerns they would have already been taken care (and have!!) She made me feel as though I was being neglectful and attacked! Oh well....I think I still have to see her at court but after that I shouldn't have to spend any more time in a small room with that woman! lol!!

Potty Learning

I recently heard this term rather than "potty training" and I think I like it better :) They have a lot to learn about this whole potty thing including self help skills like pulling clothes up and down, using words to express that need, etc :)

It is going VERY well! He is 100% when naked on the bottom (we have him wear a long shirt for modesty) :) We have started putting him in underwear today and so far we are on pair 3! Mostly it's because he just doesn't realize it quick enough. I just had to take a break from writing for a minute because he had this "look" on his face and said "potty?" I rushed him to the potty and success! Of course at sleeping times we still have him wear a diaper "just in case!"

I am not one who believes in pull-ups at all. I think they are glorified (expensive!) diapers that really are no better than a diaper. By using real underwear he gets those sensations and actually feels wet and uncomfortable (and therefore doesn't want it to happen again). I may have a load or two of extra laundry, but I'll still save a lot of money by not buying diapers or pull-ups all the time anymore!

I simply can't stand how cute his tooshie is in little underwear!!!! :) LOL!!

Waaaahhhhhhh!!!

Court has been cancelled and rescheduled for a month from now :( After yesterday's post I guess God has more work to do??!! :-) I am so frustrated though that they continue to accomodate his bio-mom when there is vveeeerrrrryyyyy little chance that she would ever show up. Deep breaths....God is in control :)

Worshippers First

" After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went out at the head of the army, saying 'Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever.' "
2 Chronicles 20:21

As Tuesday (hopefully our TPR date!!) approaches I am getting excited!! Where there may be fear for some I have refused to allow the enemy any territory here!! This verse was preached today and I love how the worshippers went AHEAD of the army! Can you imagine that happening in these times???? We are in a battle for our sweet Little Man but 2 Chronicles 20:15 says

"...Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's."

So God has the battle part taken care of so I am going to take the worshipper's stance! We have decided that we will prepare by praising God...telling of his faithfulness and goodness to us! We will rejoice!!! We are working from God's already completed victory for our Little Man :)

It has been a very lllllooooonnnnngggg (almost) 20 months of dealing with this situation and many times I have begged God to let this be OVER already!!! Another versed talked about today was 2 Corinthians 3:18 which says....

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the spirit."

The pastor helped me to realize that although I just want this to be over with and move on with life, God is taking us through the fire of this situation to make us look more like Him and experience His ever-increasing glory!!! We are being transformed more and more into His likeness!! If we had not experienced many of the things that we have had to go through we would not be the people we are today.

So we praise God for not leaving us the way we were, but growing us through this time. And, if for some reason God feels like this process is not over and TPR does not happen on Tuesday, then we will continue to follow and trust in Him and his good, pleasing, and perfect will for our lives. (Of course our prayer is still FREEDOM for our Little Man on 7/19!!!)

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

So we ask you all to join in worshipping God and praying ahead of the battle on Tuesday!!! :-)

Potty training!!

He is getting it!!! He is one super stubborn little guy but I think we really turned a corner this morning :) I started a few days ago and kept pumping him with liquids that I knew he couldn't refuse...apple juice, milk, etc. I knew he had to go SO BAD! He started to cry because he had to go and he chose to sit on the potty, but wouldn't "let go!" FINALLY he started to cry a different cry and I knew he had gone :) This was about 2 days ago. Last night he finally went for the first time on his own and didn't cry!

Today has been SUPER successful :) NO accidents and he is willingly going on the potty. I have been keeping the potty in the room we are in, but this afternoon I forgot it in the hall (while we were playing in his room). He wandered away (I figured to go bother his brothers!) and a minute later came running in his room and yelled "Potty!!!!" I checked and he had gone!! WOO HOO!!!

I am ready for the end of toddler diapers!!! Of course this is just the beginning and I know we have more to tackle, but this is pretty big success for day 4 of potty training :) He desperately wants Lightening McQueen underwear!! I think we have a shopping trip ahead of us this weekend :)

Not too shabby for just turning two sweetie pie!!! Oh I wish I could share the cutest picture with you!! He had a little naked bootie with his tool belt on!! So funny :)